Not very good at the whole social thing

[Smareeb]

Im not very good at the whole social thing. Im not great at talking and when i do talk to people i get very stressed and over think every possible answer in my head and just end up not replying to people. I work in a bar full of very out going people. Everyone is always hanging out together and talking and im always in the background. Which honestly i am used to but it still hurts. And i know a lot of it is my fault because i dont talk that much. It just hurts some times.

[Zeal]

Hi Smare,

Welcome to the forum!

More people than you'd think struggle to socialise with others. I was shy and very socially awkward until I was 19 or 20, so most of my life so far. I just turned 23, and social anxiety is no longer a personal issue 🙂 For me, having new experiences and developing gradually over time was what allowed the improvement in my social relations. I thought I'd never be where I am now, with a great group of friends, the ability to introduce myself to people I don't know, and a loving boyfriend. The fact that you work in a bar is great. Even though you say you aren't great at verbal communication, you must have some relational skills if you scored a job in a bar! 🙂 You are probably more able to talk to others than you realise or give yourself credit for. Being hard on yourself is something I really struggled with in my teens, and sometimes still do. I can relate to feeling hurt and left-out socially. It's no one's fault - it's just the result of doubting yourself and getting worried in social situations.

If you don't mind me asking, have you been diagnosed with anxiety before? If you feel that this anxiety negatively affects your life, then make an appointment with your GP. You can explain how you feel and what is going on, and your doctor will be able to offer advice and give you a referral, if required.

Here are some forum threads relating to social anxiety:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/new-here-need-help

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/extremely-embarrassed-shy-asking-for-things-in-stores-with-customers-around

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/too-anxious-to-talk-to-people

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/social-anxiety-tips

This is just a small selection...

Best wishes,

SM

[Narniakid]

Hey Smareeb, welcome to the forums and thank you for finding the courage to reach out and talk to us.

You're definately not alone in feeling like this. Social anxiety is one of the most common forms & we all experience it at some point in our lives.

The workplace can definately be a struggle to talk to people because sometimes, like in my workplace, the only similarity you seem to have with your coworkers is, well, work. However, as cliche as it sounds, practice makes perfect. The more you start talking to people, the better and more comfortable you get, and you also learn how to easily read expressions etc. I know it can be very scary trying to make conversation, so start with a mutual interest or an easy topic like music tastes. Avoid talking about controversial topics like religion, politics etc, and ask them questions - confident people love to talk about themselves, so use that to your advantage because it's a great tool for connecting with someone. 

I hope I've been able to help you somehow, but don't let it get you down. Feeling shy is not a character flaw, so get out there, take a leap of courage and meet someone 🙂

Crystal