Patience

[Ouroboros]

Hello everyone.

 So I have a lot of problems or rather I am dealing with a lot of depression, anxiety, lack of motivation, lack of will to live. But the good news is I'm attempting to move in the right direction.

What my question to you all is how do you find patience to look after yourselves. I find the older I'm getting the less patient I am with myself. The job is not in anyway stimulating or even ideal for my skill set, I still care what people think, I don't have a lot of economic stability, or relationship stability. My family unit lives overseas and as much as they try they don't seem to understand or able to help. I have a good group of friends who try. But I lack patience to deal with my problems.

 Example: I recently made a doctor's appointment to organise a mental health plan. The secretary made one snide remark and all I did for the first few minutes at the doctor's appointment was be angry at the secretary. I didn't have enough patience to let it slide, then the doctor didn't really care about me being suicidal (well I perceived the doctor did not care, but I'm sure I could be wrong), I got a referral to a psychologist who is part of their allied health. That was two days ago and I've heard nothing from the psychologist.

 Next the doctor showed me the Australian Psychological Society 'Find a Psychologist' segment. Instead of patiently watching him use a computer I got angry at him for wasting my time with something I knew about. I wanted the man to give me a medical opinion and I'm not a trained psychologist. I don't know enough about therapy techniques to make judgments. Now I have to sift through numerous psychologists going through my problems and hope that one clicks. With ten sessions on rebate I don't have the financial resources to be as picky as I probably need to be to find the best help suitable for me.

 I would talk about how my lack of patience has alienated many people, I think I've ruined relations with my doctor, my friends, my family and overall myself. But its a symptom of an underlying problem I have with myself. Anyway I hope to help when I can, but if you have any tips for patience that don't involve anything as inane as taking a walk, being grateful and counting to ten I'd appreciate it.

Cheers, Ouroboros

[Paul]

Hi again Ouroboros,

You sound pretty angry and frustrated with yourself and others. I can relate to that! I'm hearing desperation in your post and also a need to get things happening so you can get well again. I too get grumpy when people tell me to go for a walk to clear my head. For my situation I almost snap at them and really want to ask if going for a walk will stop my father from buggering off and not giving a toss about me anymore, unlikely a walk will fix that!

It took me a while to find the right psychiatrist then to start going through issues and digging away - I get that you want to and are prepared to use the help, but finding the help is the difficulty, that must add to the frustration.

As I get older I tolerate bad service less and less. A psychologist not calling back would ping me off!

Apart from going through the APS register and finding someone in your area, you could google for a psych in your area - sometimes people post reviews, I'm not sure of whether they would be an accurate reflection of the psych though. You could try another medical centre or call the medical centre you went to originally and let them know their psych hasn't made contact.

The local GLBTI medical centre has been a good source of referrals for me in the past.

Regarding ruining relations - Would those who love you understand if you explained that your behaviour is not because of ill feeling towards them, rather it's something personal that you are seeking help for?

Back to patience, I've found that patience can be closely related to my emotional energy level. If I have no emotional energy, it's a struggle to feel and think and everything give me the grumps. I've also found that anxiety can cause it for me, the biggest ones for me are also anger bubbling away inside that I don't even know about and sometimes fear. As we get older and these problems persist, our ability to tolerate them and hold in the urge to lash out decreases.

Overall I really think you're heading forwards in terms of getting well and getting to the bottom of what's causing the symptoms you've described. Key now is finding a good therapist. We're not allowed to name therapists here so unfortunately I can only suggest your local clinics. Another thing I've found helpful in the past is calling the state GLBTI counselling service and asking for some names of psychologists.

Stay persistent Ouroboros, it really is the key to finding help that works for you.\

Paul

[white knight]

Hi ouroborus,

Please read an article I've written covering some of this topic. Google the following

"Topic: supermarket shelves- beyondblue"

Cheers  Tony WK

[pipsy]

Hi Ouroborus.  I've read through your post twice and, overall I have to agree with Paul  I feel a lot of your impatience stems from frustration.  You went to a Dr the receptionist made a snide remark.  You'll probably find if you'd said something, she may have apologized.  Receptionists have a hell of a lot to contend with and quite often they try to make light of situations by saying something (not intended to hurt).  You say the Dr wasn't much help either.  You seem to be self diagnosing, then getting frustrated because the Dr tries to help you further.   Maybe he didn't pick up that you felt suicidal.  Sometimes you have to tell them how you feel.  Dr's and psychologists can only be guided by what we tell them.  If what I just said also frustrates you, I'm sorry, that was not the intention.  I'm certainly not going to tell you to count to ten, take a walk or anything like that.  Based on what you told the Dr, he tried to help you.  I think his medical opinion was that you need to talk to someone who is a therapist in frustration/depression etc.  You do need to learn how to be more patient though.  Unfortunately, we all have various forms of frustration, this can only be fixed once we learn what's frustrated us and why.  With your Dr, was it because you felt he wasn't listening, or because you thought he was way off base with what's upsetting you?  Try stepping away (mentally) from each situation, and seeing it from the other person's point .  If you tried to help someone and they got bitchy, wouldn't you want to know why they're upset, or would you just say 'tough' and walk away.  I help the elderly with shopping and I know sometimes I get frustrated, when this happens I come home and write down that I've 'had enough'.  I'd like to say 'sort it out yourself' when I'm bitchy with a client, but I can't.  So I come home, write it down, fume and swear.  If I upset someone and they let me know, I apologize, think about what I've said/done and try not to repeat the same action.  I'm not perfect, no-one is, but wearing someone else's shoes sometimes helps put things into perspective.  I think the reason you've been told to find a psychologist is, you know when you can see one, you know best what you want to say.  If your Dr makes the appointment, you may have to make another one because the one made doesn't fit in with your lifestyle.  He's done the hard work, found the list. 

If I've offended, I'm sorry.