Not sure what is wrong with me at the moment

[louisaoooo]

I am a 15 year old and for the past few months I have been feeling strange and feeling different to how I ever used to but I can not find an answer as to why. I have had general anxiety disorder and panic disorder for as long as I can remember and I got treatment for it and things were finally starting to get better. Now I am having a lot of trouble controlling my emotions and I am having mood swings daily from feeling fine to feeling sad or angry or even just tired. I find myself getting angry or upset over things that aren't worth being angry or sad over. I never act upon my anger although I definitely feel like it, I just internalize it. I have a very short temper and I have never had good relationships because of my anxiety. I find myself opening up to people and they leave, I can be clingy sometimes only because I want them to understand me and not leave me. I open up to people then feel stupid and like a burden afterwards. I always get upset if I am not appreciated or recognized for something when it shouldn't really matter and I find myself becoming even more clingy and losing my temper. I am really not sure as to why I am feeling or acting this way and I am to afraid to talk to anyone about it because they will think I am attention seeking or making it up. I feel like nobody I talk to will understand.

[blondguy]

Hello louisaoooo

You are amazing for not only having the strength to post but in such a well worded and articulate way too!

Ive had anxiety (GAD) for a long time and understand what you mean when people walking backwards when we try explain how we feel. You are strong to have tried to communicate how you feel and good on you!

If I may quote you...."I find myself getting angry or upset over things that aren't worth being angry or sad over"

You are at an age where having 'some fun' is important whenever possible and being sensitive to many things is a pain and more than expected....especially at 15. Please be kind to yourself as there are also hormonal issues happening in your life now too..

Feeling Clingy...or a burden (I wont include stupid as there is nothing about you that is) is also to be expected at this age as you also have people that have so many expectations of you at the moment....school....results....peer group pressure...the list is endless.

Internalising anger can be a pain as it compounds the anger and we cant vent our feelings properly.

Can I ask if you have been diagnosed by a doc with anxiety?

I still think you are amazing for posting louisaoooo]

There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you 🙂

I really hope you can post back when convenient for you

My kindest

Paul

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Louisa00000,

I don’t know exactly why you are feeling strange .. it could be a whole lot of things and it is definitely worth talking it through with a counsellor or a trained mental health professional like a psychologist or a GP if it persists. 

One thing that springs to mind though is Insecure Attachments .I don’t know the details of your particular case  but if you read  attachment theory , you can see that so many of our deeply held beliefs about our worthiness come from those early years and our desperate need to form attachments to primary care givers .

Sometimes these attempts to connect are not met due to the mums (or dad’s) post natal depression or illness, or poverty or family circumstances beyond their control. 

There is  a lot written on this , but check this article out for example
https://internal.psychology.illinois.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm

It may explain some of the need to open up and form attachments, but in unsafe places, with people that are not able to reciprocate or hold your feelings safely. Wanting to be heard and understood is not stupid. We all want that , but knowing who the safe people are to do that with is sometimes tricky.

To help you sort out the maze of all this stuff, I would head to a therapist who has some experience in this. In general, family therapists are pretty well versed in this stuff. 

https://www.aaft.asn.au/find-a-therapist/

Your anxiety also plays into all of this and  of course does what anxiety thinking tends to do .. Blows things up out of proportion so things seem really big and awful. Knowing how to manage that thinking is also really important.

Good news is that , with motivation, you can make changes to your thinking and your management of your emotions. Maybe your post to your psychologist or  counsellor and see if they can help you get back on track . You sound like you are definitely keen and open to working hard on yourself so that is half the battle!