Recommendations for what I should do about my mental health state

[Artastic55]

Hello, I came and made a thread because it looked successful so I'd like some help and recommendations in which someone will hopefully give.

Ill start off with the basics. I've been really depressed for about 4-6 years, it started in my early for me and it's lead up to now, where I have concerning thoughts which I've been dealing with and have reached for support. Psychologists no longer work and all I really feel is frequent sadness or sudden happiness and crazy bubbly activity, all affected by certain events such as going from one boring place where I felt awful, to a friend where I become crazy.

Ive been taking medication for ADD, which I was diagnosed with around a year ago, along with another antipsychotic medication to help with paranoid thoughts

These paranoid thoughts were things like "They're watching me through the window", "Am I saying my thoughts aloud or can they hear them?", "They think *such and such* about me" and sometimes I have full conversations with myself as if I was another person that I know.

These paranoid thoughts have lessened, along with being depressed with my new medication which is good, but it really brings out another awful thing which is my anger towards the majority of things. I get so angry so quickly that I've gotten to the point of almost hurting other people badly; I actually have to think about not hurting them. It's concerning that my mind goes into wanting to murder people for small inconveniences.

To my last point, I have this horrible thing where very faint images pop up when I blink of me hurting people, in many ways and sometimes my mind just goes and thinks about hurting others for no true reason, or I just don't like them whatsoever. Apparently it's not normal.

Sorry about the length if someone read it, but that's stuff I can't bring up with my psychiatrist because I'm not too sure about saying anything for so reason.

What do you think about this situation and what can you recommend for anger outburst, mood swings, paranoia and ect.

Have a lovely day.

[The_Possum]

Hey there

Welcome to the forums. You came to a great and supportive place, to share your thoughts and ideas.

Your post caught my attention so I'm going to make some suggestions if I were in your situation. Hopefully they may help a little.

It sounds to me that your moods fluctuate frequently, as well as suffering a great deal of irritability.

You mentioned that you're on an antipsychotic, was this prescribed for the paranoia or other reasons?

I'm just wondering if you could possibly have a mood disorder, that may also be at play here. Mood disorders can cause significant irritability also.

Obviously I'm not a medical professional and can't diagnose, but I have a mood disorder and I can say from experience that I can get irritable and small things will bother me.

If I were you, I would keep a mood chart. There's apps you can download or head over to the black dog website and download a chart from there.

This will allow you to document how you feel each day ie lows, normal, highs as well as any triggers or events that may have caused them.

The take this chart to your GP, or, if you are seeing your psychiatrist, take it to them. It will give them and yourself a clearer picture of what is going on. They can then assess if other conditions may be contributing and what medications may help.

You deserve the best, a free life from these thoughts. So don't feel ashamed to voice these concerns, when there is help out there.

Goodluck and keep us posted x

[Artastic55]

Thanks your helpful reply!

On note for the antipsychotic, I was prescribed it for my paranoid thoughts. It works for a few situations but it doesn't prevent all of it at the current moment.

As for the mood chart I'm fond of the idea and would start, however I have an appointment tomorrow with a psychologist who I started seeing to help me deal with other feelings I didn't or was too afraid to bring up with my psychiatrist.

I also did a little searching on mood disorders however I didn't find anything along the lines of my feelings but I've had thoughts on Borderline personality disorders since I share a lot of common symptoms. I'm not self diagnosing but I'm not sure I should bring it up. It was with BPD or something that causes mood swings and ect.

Anyways I'm not too sure on what I'm feeling, I reveal new things every day as if it's someone else talking about me in their perspective.

Thanks 🙂

[james1]

Hey artastic,

It's good to hear you're going to speak to a psychologist tomorrow. They might be able to clarify some things for you. It'd be a good idea to bring up the mood disorder concern, specifically around BPD. They will be able to advise how they feel you fall into that.

Still, it's important not to get too hung up on diagnoses.

I have BPD but I know so many people now who also have it, and we all are very different people with different reactions to different therapies. Because it's classified as a cluster B mood disorder, it can often take a while to diagnose as the symptoms need to present in lots of different scenarios. So the more honest you can be with your doctors, the easier it is to get a better idea of what kind of treatment plan would be best for you.

James

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Artastic55,

I am really glad that you have written in to us. I am going to make one major point here . You are NOT crazy but you may have some mental health issue that need to be managed . However they will not be managed well if you don’t let your psychiatrist know about the thoughts . You won’t be judged for your thinking. Nothing you say hasn’t been said before to that doctor in some form . I promise you won’t freak them out. 

For example , you said: 
To my last point, I have this horrible thing where very faint images pop up when I blink of me hurting people, in many ways and sometimes my mind just goes and thinks about hurting others for no true reason, or I just don't like them whatsoever

This might sound a bit strange to you but I think you might have a type of OCD ( Obsessional Compulsive Disorder) which is a type of anxiety thinking. I really can’t be sure as I haven’t examined you but you need to get this sorted out. 

People often think that OCD is simply the type of illness where one becomes anxious or feels something terrible will happen unless things are in a certain order or done a certain number of times etc. 

However, there is a whole darker side to OCD, which is much more about the obsessions (the thoughts in the head) than the compulsions ( what one actually does).

The common themes of obsessional thinking that I have seen revolve around harming someone or one's self - either a fear that you may have done it in the past or the fear that you will do it in the future. Like with other OCD disorders, there is a part of ones brain that knows the thoughts are “silly” or not based in reality… but that doesn’t make it easy to just shut them off or ignore them.

You mention that know its a “horrible thing “ and you don’t want it in your head .. and that makes me think that you are stuck in a loop that seems kind of inappropriate  to you but you just can’t break out of it. Most people  with this Obsessional thinking disorder desperately want the thoughts to stop . They dont actually want to act on them. 

The good news is that it is treatable ! It isn’t easy to treat ( as in it won’t be over with by next week!) but with good medical support , I think you can learn to manage these thoughts.

https://www.sane.org/media-centre/the-sane-blog/1811-busting-the-myths-about-ocd

I also think that your paranoid thinking needs to be spoken about clearly and openly with your psychiatrist . Again , they will try their best to manage the thoughts with you and make your day to day life happier and with less of these bad thoughts. 

You might want to get involved with an organisation like Reach which helps young people with mental health issues in a really fun and supportive way 
http://www.reach.org.au/

One last thing…. I hope you don’t mind this last bit as its advice that wasn’t asked for and often that doesn’t go down well… but just from experience, PLEASE stay away from drugs . With the history of paranoid thinking, any drugs might just be really really hard for your brain to handle )

[Artastic55]

I've never really thought about it that way. Your reply makes something inside of me feel relieved, yet I'm not sure. I should so point out that I've never and never will take drugs other than perscription medication and painkillers for headaches.

I also thought I might get an opinion. I was diagnosed with ADD quite sometime ago and I know that something else might be worrying like my paranoia. I always get these feelings of people watching me when passing windows or rooms with visibility, especially tinted windows of a bus.

Its gosh darn terrifying because it feels awful and I've been counselled for it but the technique I was given doesn't work because o can't concentrate on focusing on something else.

I should also point out that I can be rather delusional sometimes and believe certain things will occur or I get into situations where I falsely accuse people of betraying me. For example:

I thought someone thought such and such about me and constantly thinks that and doesn't care about me, in which I begin to distrust and hate that person.

And

I have conversations with myself as if I was another person talking to or with another person about me, in which I take to though of that's what they think.

Im not too good at saying everything that I want.

[james1]

Hi Artastic,

You mentioned you have a technique for the paranoia but that you struggle to concentrate. Do you want to tell us what the technique is?

It can be hard to apply a new technique because our minds are not conditioned to do that. So it's understandable that you struggle, but if you keep at it, the technique will be easier over time.

That sounds really frustrating and scary for you to have these thoughts that you feel are delusional. I don't know really have any suggestions as that kind of stuff is usually best discussed with your doctor like Dr Kim mentioned. But I get really anxious about relationships and I also push people away when I suspect they don't like me, so I can kind of understand how hard it must be for you.

James