No reason.

[Huddoo]

Hey all,

My first post on these forums, hopefully can be a good place to rant and get things of my chest and possibly pick up some good advice that might help me get through all of this.

I have been feeling depressed for over six months now but have only recently being diagnosed. The reason why my family finally clicked on after so much hiding on my behalf was well, a failed suicide attempt.

What i find super confusing about how I feel is I honestly have two very close friends who have tried supporting me through thick and thin, and now have all of my family making sure I am okay all of the time. Even with such a close support network, nothing is getting better... I'm still lost in this sea of nothingness.

 It has really gotten to a point where I don't even want to talk to my friends about this because all I am doing is hurting them and dragging them down no matter how much they say that is the case, But i feel that I have grown dependant on them for venting my feelings and whilst i know it's not fair it's the truth.

I just don't know what I can do anymore, I don't want to risk loosing my friends by leaning on them so much but I also need to talk to them about how i feel or i get the sick feeling in my stomach all of the emotions will build up similar to what drove me to make an attempt on my life the first time.

I have no reason to be depressed which makes all of this so much harder to understand even for myself, I realise their are people out there that have no family, friends or anything to lean on for support or even have those things in the first place.

 I HAVE NO REASON TO BE DEPRESSED YET I AM. 

It seems like it will never go away, six months past and the emotions are only getting worse.

Looking forward to some replies, with advice or even words of encouragement or even if that's not the case I got to get it off of my chest at least

Regards,

Huddoo.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[White_Rose]

Dear Huddoo

Thank you for writing in to Beyond Blue and a warm welcome to you.

I'm sorry you felt so distressed that ending your life seemed your only option. It is indeed a dreadful place to be. It's good that you are still with us and have the opportunity to make the journey to peace. I hope that does not sound too trite. It comes from my heart and from my similar experience.

You say you have been diagnosed so does that mean you now have some professional help? A psychiatrist or psychologist? I hope so because getting well on your own rarely works.

Having no reason for depression is beside the point. Depression is no respector of persons. Rich, poor, old, young, male, female. It's all the same to the Black Dog. So do not beat yourself up about having a reason for depression. Accept that it has happened and work on getting well again.

An important part of getting well is to be informed about depression. Go to the tabs at the top of the page and click on The Facts or Resources. You will find heaps of information about mental illness. You can download this or ask BB to send it to you. There is information for family and friends which would also be useful.

Think about the visits to your psych in advance and write down all the things that bother you to discuss at the meeting. Trying to remember them at the time usually means losing some of them.

Have you been prescribed any antidepressant medication? Please remember that it usually takes six weeks or more to fully kick in. It's common to believe ADs are not working after a couple of weeks and to try and go off them.

Having friends and family to talk to is really good. Talking about your feelings and confusion can be helpful. I do understand the feeling of hurting them and dragging them down. Two things. Ask them to tell you when they cannot listen or when they feel this is your only topic of conversation. Tell them that you feel uncomfortable continually talking about yourself but have this need and you are concerned you may be outstaying your welcome. Friends and family who care about you will understand.

Secondly, believe they will tell you when they cannot listen to you on any occasion. It happens when their resources are low and you need to respect that. No need to feel guilty because you are imposing on them and they have asked for a rest. we all need to recharge our batteries and if you step back they will ask you at a later date how you are going.

Oops, run out of letters. Love to hear from you again.
Mary

[Neil_1]

Hi there Huddoo

Firstly, welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you so much for coming here and providing your post – and from reading it, it sounds like it was a much needed “unload” for you – to someone (or somewhere) else other than your friends.

And your friends, I must say, are GOLD.  I’m hearing you loud and clear that they are brilliant support for you, but at the same time, you’re concerned about wearing them down with your unloading of your feelings, etc.  And yes, this can happen and sometimes can happen very early on – but what we need to do is to divert most of your attention from this away from your friends and to somewhere else – but at the same time, you’ll still be able to give snippets to them, but unless one of them is a psych or a trained social worker, it might be best to alter things a bit.

In regard to that, you haven’t mentioned seeing a gp (which does surprise me, considering of your failed suicide attempt);  a gp should be sought out and very soon, if this hasn’t already been done.   And from there, they’ll be able to refer you to an appropriate counsellor or psych, for you to work through things and to talk and unload;  and for them to give you thoughts, suggestions on coping mechanisms to help you.  There may even be a need to place you on some medication for a time as well – all dependent on how the gp feels whether it would be beneficial for you.

Please don’t think too much about the part where you wrote:  I have no reason to be depressed, yet I am.  This is classical depression symptoms and thoughts from so many people – they scan through their lives and they feel so bad, yet they can find no trigger or anything and that’s because depression just comes along and reaches its mongrel tentacles out to whoever it can latch on to.

But you’ve done a very positive thing in coming here and posting – I’m hoping you can take the next positive step for yourself as well.

Would love to hear back from you on this also.

Neil

[geoff]

dear Huddoo, one day when we wake up we don't feel well, but it's a deeper feeling than being sad, so much deeper, because when a sadnesshovers over us, there maybe a glimmer of hope, a knowing that we will get better in a short time, but not with depression, it's like a hammer being continually hit on our head, and it won't stop, it's an imminent pain that lasts for days.

So you don't know what to do, first you talk to your friends about how you feel, but they could never believe what the hell I am talking about, because on the outside it seems as if nothing is wrong, but dare to tell them on exactly the thoughts I am having, because they wouldn't agree, but if only they knew.

What can I do to relieve this constant pain that has been going on for months, because I really want to talk about it, but who will listen, no one will, because all they will say is that it's not true, oh but if they only knew I go to bed crying and I can't stop, and if they knew that I can't get out of bed, so the only option is that I end it.

This is where you can ring 'suicide line' on 1300651251, Lifeline 131114, and also the BB numbers which are above, and please place these phone numbers where you can access them quickly.

I have just given you a scenario, which I know you already know, but you're not on your own here, as a lot of us have been through this ourselves, and that includes myself.

I really hope that you please get back to us. Geoff.

[Vegetarian Marshmallow]

Maybe I'm way off, but my assumption when people say "I have no reason to be depressed" is always that they're lacking positive sense of purpose; a sense of themselves and their connection to the world.  It's not enough to "have no reason to be depressed"; humans also need affirmative reasons *to* exist.

Are there issues you care passionately about?  Are you involved with them in any way?  Like.. what do you think is the worst thing about the world?  Are you doing anything related to that?

I would suggest investigating your feelings further.  You talk of "nothingness" and "emotions building up" - could you write down and expand on what those feelings are?  I remember once feeling like I was not so much "living" as "waiting to die", so I googled that phrase and ended up on a years-old forum thread with hundreds of people feeling the same way, talking about their circumstances, which was handy to contrast with my circumstances.  I think writing down your feelings, and thinking on "Well now.. I wrote *such and such*.  What could it be that makes me feel that way?" could be useful, in moulding the soup of bad feelings into a shape that you can look at.