No real friends

[Missn]

For the past 2 years and half I've been feeling lonely due to the fact that I've been losing friends . My friendships never last . I always wish that I'd have one best friend for a life time sadly never happens. Ever since I graduated from highschool never saw my friends from high school but I had few friends out of school but I'd catch up every now and then but never close. I barely go out , I'm always home due to fact I got no friends.

Im sick of always trying to put the effort in of always contacting them first and feels like I never fit in any group of friends😪

on my birthdays I always realise barely anyone greets me happy birthday so I never celebrate my birthday with friends . It always with either family or my partner .

never felt so lonely before until recently my birthday it really hit me that I have barely any friends

what should I do ? I want a social life back

[geoff]

hello Missn, I'm sorry to hear that you feel so lonely, it is indeed a terrible place to be, however what happens after you leave school what ever that level maybe and you do actually have friends, they always say 'must catch up soon', but contact slowly dwindles away, because they all go their separate ways, take up jobs that could be interstate or may even land on bad times, so I wouldn't try and keep in contact with them, because it's only going to upset you and that's a recipe for creating depression, which is not what we want to happen, although it maybe already happening.
A social life won't come to you, boy, don't we wish it would, so I'm interested in what you like to do, hobbies, places you like to go to, whether it's night clubs or a much quieter situation, maybe join a club, get a puppy although this isn't quiet so much as meeting people, but try and contact 'Reachout.com' where they will be able to help you with different suggestions. Geoff.x

[pipsy]

Hi Missn. I was in a similar situation as you. Due to an abusive, dysfunctional home life, I seldom 'clicked' with school mates either. About 15 years ago, I 'logged' on to a site called 'old friends'. Unfortunately, it has been discontinued. Anyway, I received a mssge from an old mate I had barely acknowledged at school. We immediately 'clicked' and have remained in touch to this day. As it turned out she had been in a similar situation at home, so she knew how I was. Have you ever thought about attending a school reunion? I've been to a few and renewed some acquaintances, some never led anywhere, but some did. Maybe contact some of your previous schools and get some info regarding 'where are they now'. Ask the school to put you in touch with whoever arranges the reunions. People's outlook changes as they mature. Some of my school mates admittedly still treated me like I was 'contagious', those people I wouldn't bother with anyway. If your former mates can't contact you because they don't know how to, contact them and discuss exchanging addresses, emails, fb etc.

Lynda

[Zeal]

Hi Missn,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling lonely for the last few years, since high school. Though it doesn't make it any easier to bear, you are not alone. I have replied to others who find they don't have close friends after high school. I personally lacked self-confidence in high school, and wasn't overly close to girls in my group at school. I did Year 12 in 2010, and I became really unwell with mental illness in 2012, and completely lost contact with all friends. Only one friend from high school contacted me, but I couldn't catch up and was too embarrassed to tell her why. I didn't organise another catch up when I was well either.

I felt lonely in 2013 and the first half of 2014, as I had grown apart from my oldest and best friend, who I have known since I was 6. We thankfully got a bit closer later in 2014, and I went to a New Year's Eve party (2014/15) with her and her then-boyfriend. The people at this small party are now my group of friends. My best friend helped me become part of this group. Thankfully, I also got on well with everyone. I started dating a guy in the group in May last year, and he is now my boyfriend of 1.5 years. We are really close and want to be together long-term.

I wanted you to know that, after feeling alone and having virtually no friends, I was able to meet new people with the help of my oldest friend. If you have a cousin or old friend you like, maybe you could be introduced to new people. Meeting people through a mutual friend is a good way to connect with others. It's great you have a partner - could you get to know his friends and/or his friends' partners? Being connected to your partner and family is a great start. Family are so important, and my parents were so supportive during the difficult times in my life, and still are supportive in the better times.

Here are a few links you may like to check out:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47 (about self-esteem)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201605/10-ways-make-and-keep-friendships-adult

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrea-bonior/making-new-friends-as-an-adult_b_2854095.html

I hope something I've said has been helpful or struck a chord with you.

Best wishes,

Zeal