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[JustJack]

Hey my names jack im 22 years old and i just wanted to share some stuff. Im not looking for sympathy im just going through a hard time and feel i need to talk to people likeminded.

As a child i was abused on 2 seperate occasions. My parents were both alchoholoc, ive witnessed my mother get beaten which my psychiatrist says was my first emotional trama. I have two children which live on the other side of the country, which im ridden with guilt about. I hate social interaction, most the time i feel crap about myself. I cant remember the last time i had a possitive thought.. probably when my children especially my 2 year old looked at me with such admiration and love. Ive been hospitalised many times for suicide attempts...abused drugs meth, inhalents, alchohol, perscription meds.. i dont have a job.. i dont have any friends i just feel so low all the time i dont want to go out.. i feel again like im reaching breaking point, im having trouble coping With life.. i dont know how much longer i can do this. Ive had enough..

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[JustJack]

Hey Narniakid

Thanks for making me feel welcome and pointing me to some reasorces. 

I will be seeking some professional councelling here in Qld, when i cant say, but talking already has kinda just shunted me out of my cocoon of self loathing, Its a place i often go which happens with alot if people im sure.

Anxiety can be really crippling.. effects so many aspects of your life. I had to really force myself to go down the street today just to prove to myself im not as pathetic as my mind would have me beleive. Which is silly really but you know what anxietys like so i dont feel silly saying that 🙂

Thanks again

[Doolhof]

Hi again Just Jack,

Going on from what Narnia Kid, Crystal, has mentioned, you can also use the webchat or the phone help line. I have used both and found them helpful.

My husband came along to my Drs appointment and pointed out just how much I was struggling, that is when my Dr had me put in hospital for a week as I broke down in his room and was quite a mess.

I am now attending various appointments trying to get myself back together again and have returned to work as well. That has been a little tough as I care for the elderly in their own homes and some of them can be rather demanding at times!

I had a phone call today from one of my bosses as well asking me how many more times I was going to be hospitalised this year and did she need to get other contractors to care for my clients. I thought she was being rather rude in her tone of voice.

I haven't told the company I work for that I have mental health issues. I feel they would sack me if I did that saying I was not suitable for the work I do.

I totally understand my clients wanting and needing someone reliable to assist them. I just can't help it when I go "bang" and don't cope any longer. It is certainly not something I plan or desire!

As you said, it is not always pretty when the stuff comes out of us that has been festering away inside. I really do hope you are able to connect with people who can help you.

It is great you have found a small spark to keep you going. That is excellent!

Apart from speaking to your children over the phone, are you able to send them things as well? Maybe they would appreciate a small gift from you, or a photo of yourself holding a sign telling them you love them.

Hope you manage to find ways to beat that anxiety as well!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools