Hi TackCape,
Thanks for your post.
One thing that I've found in opening up to people is that it doesn't have to happen all at once. I've heard of this theory that trust is like a marble jar, and that we only really know if we can trust people with the 'big stuff' by making sure they can handle and hold all the little things.
If you were to open up to your friends and you knew that they did react in the right way, what would you want to say to them? What would you want them to know?
Geoff had some great advice there and I agree with him a lot when he said about crying in front of the therapist. There is nothing to be ashamed about, and you won't be the first or the last person that will have cried in their office. That's kind of the thing about crying - it doesn't really matter if you're 0 or 100, man or woman, nobody is really immune from having feelings.
I think that looking at some of your poems and songs can give you a lot of insight and I'm glad that you did it even though it sounds like it was a bit confronting. Just so you know, there is nothing that you could write about that would be 'bad'. Writing - whether it's journalling, poetry or songs is always a good thing because it helps to get things out of your head and on to paper. It sounds like there are a lot of struggles that has come up like being broken, death and emptiness but I also see a lot of strength since you still have hope for the future. Also the fact that you're posting on here is also a great show of your strength because it is hard to open up and talk to people that you don't know.
I hope that it can get to a point where the idea of hope for the future can outweigh all the fears of seeing a therapist and talking to them.
