new and a little nervous

[bethhy_y]

HI

I've had one of the most anxious weeks of my life and I just wanted to share my week to remind myself that I'm not alone in this and to find ways to cope on the daily. On Sunday the 5th Jan I hung out with my boyfriend and enjoyed my time, however when I got home as the rest of the day went on I got more and more anxious, I deiced to message my boyfriend and open up to him and let him know that during our time together that day I kept telling myself that I was probably annoying him being to close and cuddly to him. He replied and told me that he didn't see anything i did as annoying and that i was okay.

from Monday to Tuesday i had work, so my mind was occupied and i felt okay, however on the Tuesday afternoon i really wanted to hang out with my boyfriend again and do something nice for him cause I felt bad for overreacting on Sunday. However, he found out one of his friends were coming up to visit for a couple days so he would be able to hang out. I was okay with this but it made me anxious cause in my head there was a tension between us from me opening up on the Sunday about being anxious, and I felt that the longer we were apart the more awkward it would be when we saw each other again.

on the Wednesday and Thursday of this week, I didn't sleep very well and would wake up early and think of my boyfriend and overthink everything and convinced myself that he probably hated me and was going to break up with me. I was so nervous about it that I stayed in bed watching movies and crying or when I did go out with my mum or a friend I was very dizzy and had a headache the whole time. Over these 2 days, my boyfriend had made plans with our friend group to have a bbq soon and I was excited as that meant I got to see him, but as I thought about it more I continuously got more anxious thinking about showing up to his house and having him hate me or reject me to my face. I knew that it wouldn't happen but my anxiety in the back of my head told me "what if".

My mum told me to tell my boyfriend cause he probably had no idea and that I would make me feel better but thinking about that made me throw up, I was to nervous to explain things over text incase of my miscommunication so I just left it and knew that I would tell him about it when we were face to face.

Over Friday to Saturday was good as I had my brother birthday party and was occupied and had good sleep but my Sunday my anxiety would try to come back.

Thank you for any help!

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

No need to be nervous, this is anonymous so all good.

Throughout your post you do display anxiety and intrusive thoughts that you have little control over, this is common and curable. Your first step, that of knowing you have a problem has been taken and well done there, many people dont recognise it. This is called insight and it is a welcome gift you have. That alone will help you get through this.

A long time ago I had such a condition and had to seek therapy for it. During those sessions for 10 months, I had to be reprogrammed so to speak, by learning when to ask myself "are my thoughts being realistic". Each time I did this I had to discount thoughts that was made up of imagination and fear. To be blunt- I was my own worse enemy because many of the things that were created in my mind were not real but I reacted to them. This accelerated my anxiety for some time.

Eg you seemed to enjoy your attention with your boyfriend that day, if he has felt you were making him uncomfortable he likely would have told you there and then. When you asked him later he denied feeling so, therefore you should have taken his word for that reply as you then confirmed your thoughts were "real". Instead you are creating turmoil and upset, effectively allowing possibilities to overshadow a perfectly good relationship.

For this reason you could well do with a GP doctors visit and tell him/her what is going on. Sometimes we need help at various stages of our lives to get over the hurdles and prevent issues growing out of proportion. I did and have never regretted it. Such conditions can place extra unwelcome pressure to a relationship and can ruin it. Therapy can get to the heart of the problem like being insecure for a reason which could date back to earlier in you life. Otherwise the problem never goes away it just becomes idle for a while then comes around again during other lifes events.

I hope I've helped

Google

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

TonyWK

[bethhy_y]

thank you for your reply

I've learnt overtime to remember that my anxiety is not me but just a section and this helps me to remember that these thoughts are not really mine but more so my anxiety talking.

However tonight I am seeing my boyfriend and all my friends and I know I have no reason to be nervous going, but due to me overthink for multiple days now I am nervous to show up. As its sometimes hard to tell peoples emotions through text messages especially when I haven't been texting him regularly since he's busy and I don't want to interrupt him, I'm nervous that he may have been annoyed at me messaging him through the week even though he's shown no signs. I'm nervous to show up and have him be cold towards me and reject me and even so... break up with me, which I know is extreme but the thought keeps coming up saying "what if?" - "what if you've just been too annoying and he just can't be bothered with you?"- "what if he's had a great week without you and has decided he doesn't need you and you don't make him as happy as he thought?". I know once I get there and settle in it'll be fine and everything will be okay but I'm just unsure on how to handle it before I go. Like as it gets closer to the time to meet up my anxiousness will grow and how do I keep myself calm while i wait and when i show up how to a prepare myself as i walk in.

I also want to ask him when hes free next in order to make plans but im worried he will have many plans already made, or be working for the rest of the week and i will have to fear that feeling like rejection and the fear of all my friends being busy and trying to occupy myself while im alone to not experience a traumatic week like this again.

[white knight]

The problem is, the source of the problem is Your processes of thinking.

You really need to see your doctor. I can’t emphasise this enough. Anxiety is a serious illness.

TonyWK