Needing a place to let it all out

[littledot11]

I am 24 and am still at home with my family. I work full time and love my job, and am always known as the happy/smiley one.
At home, I feel so different. I am very different to my mum and my sisters, which mean we clash a lot. As a teenager, my mum used to make remarks to me about my weight and this has gotten worse as a i have gotten older (I have a bit of winter weight - but still a size 8). There is also remarks that she makes about me, That i stink, that i am disgusting, I'm a pig, that I never help, that I will never get a boyfriend and compares me to my sisters, etc. I get so upset but i'm never one to express how i'm feeling, i just get angry and upset. This last 6 months has been a nightmare and i dread the idea of having to come home every night. I am serious about moving out and am looking at places with a friend, but I just don't know if I can handle the next month or two until we find a place. Every time I try to talk to her about it, she sees nothing wrong in what she has done and tells me to move on. A few weeks ago I told her I was struggling and she turned it around and just said that everyone struggles and to move on. I just feel like I have had to be the one to move on and get over it way too often. I just don't know how I can make her see how it has effected me. I am upset almost every night and I hate it. I hate feeling like this! It's always my problem, it's never her that has done the wrong thing and I'm the one who apparently over reacts to everything.
Please help! I know it seems petty and silly - I just don't know how I can make her see how I am feeling.

[MsPurple]

Hi littledot and welcome to the forums.

It sounds like your home environement is a bit toxic. Even if it is your mum it is not ok to say such hurtful thinks to someone. It is bullying. She maybe putting you down because she doesn't feel comfortable or confident about herself, so she puts other people down to bring herself up. Also a size 8 is by no means big or overweight so please don't listen to your mum when she tries to body shame you

I think moving out sounds like one of the better things to do right now. It sounds like you have a steady job and able to afford to move out. It sounds like moving in with your friend would be a good idea. I moved states recently and had to find a new place (I stayed with dad while looking). I used flatmate finder to look for a house. You could possibly look for a room on there if you are not wanting to wait for your friend (or if they aren't ready to move out). There are other house sharing websites you can look at. NOt sure if this helps but may help you move out sooner or to open your options if you wanted a bigger house with your friend (could find another housemate on one of these websites)

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time and that your mum is making harder on you and your mental health. Might I suggest going on eheadspace if you ever need to talk to someone. It is for youth mental health and it is all online

Hope some of this helps

MP

[Starwolf]

Welcome to the forums, Littledot and well done for coming to this place where you can let it all out. I am glad you have reached out because you will find here the support that is denied you at home.

Ms Purple has already given you excellent advice and encouragement to move out. I fully agree that leaving a toxic environment is a wise decision.

There is no way you can make someone see what they are not prepared to confront. Your Mum obviously has personal issues that she cannot find it in her to acknowledge (do you know how many people out there would do anything for a size 8 ?). So she is projecting those issues on a scapegoat instead. Trying to make her understand will only result in continuing to bash your head on someone else's brick wall. Since there's nothing to be gained by insisting on a losing battle, retreat is the wisest, most courageous move. Kudos to you, you're definitely on the right track.

I too once had to leave family behind due to a childhood of abuse. Yes, emotional abuse IS abuse. And any form of abuse can take its toll and leave deep emotional scars behind (poor self-image and loss of self-confidence are common). Your mental/emotional well being is no trivial matter. So please take good care of yourself.

While you wait, navigating these forums can help you cope. It is a great place to connect, share or just let steam off. No need to suffer in silence. We're here to listen and offer whatever support we can.

Good to have you on board.