Am I normal? (Please help)

[Sachini]

I suffer from a number of mental illnesses, and have no motivation to do anything whatsoever. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months and he takes care of me day in and day out. The rare occasion where he goes out or has a drink at home with his friend, I get really upset and start resenting him. Is this normal? I feel so guilty for it but I honestly can't help it. Please tell me if this is normal!

[blondguy]

Hi Sachini

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting too!

I understand where you are coming from as I used to have chronic anxiety and now depression which can make our lives somewhat difficult for sure

When we are fragile we can sometimes feel dependent on someone else. I know that I have...

If we (you and I) are getting the frequent counseling we really need then our self esteem can handle when our partner goes out or has time out for themselves

As you know we do 'attach' ourselves to a super kind and caring person when we are stuck. There is no such thing as 'normal' as everyone has their own issues to deal with

I still see my GP (and psychologist) on a regular basis to give me a 'fine tune'. Having one or many mental health issues can result in our self esteem going out the window....thus you feeling upset or isolated when your boyfriend has some time out...

If you are seeing your counselor regularly (frequently) you are doing well especially when our loved one has some time out from our issues

It can be very hard to be in your boyfriends position being such a devoted carer for you without having some time for himself.

Its just my humble opinion though Sachini as per my own experience 🙂

There are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you.......no worries at all. I really hope you can stick around the forums and if you have any questions they are more than welcome

The forums are a rock solid safe place to post for you. (and me)...your privacy is paramount here...always

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Sachini~

I think Paul has said most everything and is spot on. People need people, and more so in hard times - which mental illness most definitely is.

Can I ask if you are under treatment? You didn't really say in your post how you are managing your illness. As someone who has anxiety, bouts of depression and other things I found I really needed medical help as well as strong personal support to get better.

Having a BF is a wonderful thing, two people that love and care for each other, and each wanting to look after the other. If your BF has sessions way to balance his life then perhaps you could try (yes I understand this is not easy) to view it as something you should promote. That way you are doing your part in looking after him, a responsible and loving act.

I realize the difficulty and the reason for the resentment, I would imagine it is partly the absence of his support but also largely based upon fear. When ill the sense of self-worth goes right down. We feel it is a miracle anyone would want to stick with us and worry every day they will get sick of us and leave. By going out they might realize there is better elsewhere. It is the illness thinking for us though.

The good qualities your BF sees in you are still there. Try to have the confidence to let him know he is more than entitled to a break and you think it may be good for him. At least it should stop any possible feelings of conflict he may feel by going out.

So in short Sachini yes it is normal, and it is also something you can use, by how you respond, to help both of you.

Croix

[geoff]

hello Sachini, I won't go over the good points that Paul and Croix have already mentioned, but it's great to have your b/friend look after you, but when you start resenting him for having a drink with a friend then jealousy comes into the situation, because he doesn't have you coming first, it's his mate who he is paying attention to.
We all need time to ourselves and at least he is drinking at home part of the time, and it doesn't mean he's ignoring you, just taking some time out for himself, he will need this to revitalise his energy, you don't know how much he will appreciate this, because if you don't want him to do this then his job he's now doing would be affected. Geoff.