Need Some Advice

VekiJ123 · ‎20-03-2017

I know my problems are probably nothing compared to everyone else's here. But I guess I just really need some advice...

So, I'm just an average (if not below average) girl, I'm 13 going on 14 in 3 months. I'm an only child, have a good relationship with my parents, going okay with my friends... but lately, everything just seems kinda empty.

When I smile, I rarely mean it. When I laugh I feel like its forced. When people cry I do my best to encourage them when really, all I want to do is break down into tears and cry somewhere no one will see me. During the rare times people compliment me, I say thank you but don't mean it since I don't believe what they said was true.

I'm weird and ugly. I basically look like an awkward asian nerd going through a terrible teenage puberty phase... sorry if that's TMI. Also, I'm very self-conscious and insecure about my appearance. I'm not pretty and if I'm being honest, I'm basically on the definition of below average. When I look in the mirror I see a girl with dark circles under her pathetic tear-filled eyes, staring into the mirror with her thickly lensed glasses... I see a girl who again is going through that stage of puberty with a face hella ugly. I see a girl with dark hair that's too thick. A girl who can't accept herself but wishes to be accepted. A girl who loves but know she can't be loved.

I don't know how to express my feelings well, I'm not good with words. I'm usually just the "a hug comforts it all" kinda person, since I really have nothing to say. I just really wish I had that someone who could understand... My best friends, I don't tell them about my insecurities and social anxiety even though I should since their my bffs...

But I've been from one friendship to another, and in the end, they either leave because I'm not good enough, or they leave for popularity - leaving me behind coz I'm just a minus to their "reputation".

Also, my bffs now are the people who, if you tell them about a problem your facing, will tell you to cry a river, build a bridge and get over it. But I've tried to get over it, and I just can't. Whenever I have one of my moody days, they joke around and tell me that I look like I'm "crippling depression", when they don't realise how I'm actually on the borderline of becoming depressed.

I'm scared of rejection, of not being accepted... I feel I'm not good enough...

So I guess to sum things up, I just really need some advice on how to deal with anxiety, self-acceptance and pain.

Guest_89 · ‎20-03-2017

Hello VekiJ123 🙂

It sounds like you're really going through a tough time. Have you ever heard of Kids Helpline?

They are a free service, and they have really really lovely counselors who can give great advice and support, all for free! They help young people between the ages of 12-25. I have called and talked to them lots and found it really helpful.

I promise things can get better. Make sure you do get support, because you deserve to be happy and feel like yourself again. 🙂

Try giving Kids Helpline a call on the phone, or you can email them, or talk to them on the web.

I believe in you 🙂

MarkJT · ‎20-03-2017

VekiJ123, thank you for posting what is going on with you. It takes a whole lot of courage to do and as a 13yr old, that is a brilliant effort and I congratulate you.

First off I want you to know that your problems are not nothing compared to everyone else's. It is a really easy trap to fall into to minimise your problems. They are yours, not anyone else's but yours. They are important to you and that is what is most important.

I am here to tell you that you are not weird nor are you ugly. This is the perception of yourself that you have and you are not. Even though I have no idea what you look like or are like, you are the opposite to what you think you are.

Weird, weird is awesome. Life is hard sometimes and I can tell you that during my life and I have had some pretty low points. I was hospitalised with PTSD, depression and anxiety in 2013 and was symptomatic for a decade prior to this. I can honestly say that i fully embrace my inner weird and I do what i want to do and i wear what i want to wear. Being weird, wired, loopy, strange, curious and all kinds of different behaviors is what makes me tick now. I do what makes me happy and if that means wearing baggy and hole ridden tracky pants, old tshirt and ugg boots to the shops, then so be it. There is no rule that says i have to dress up to go there, i am comfortable and that is all that matters.

Ugly, what is ugly? you do not know this yet but when you get older, looks mean little. The person who you settle down with in the future will care and love you for who you are, not what you are. The best times are spending time with the one that you love sitting on the couch, chilling, watching a movie, in (again) baggy and hole ridden tracky dacks and my wife wearing pretty much the same.

What you are going through, I would pretty much think that most teenage girls go through and for the most part, most boys as well. Even those girls who seem to be perfect in your eyes, they would sit in front of the mirror and question themselves and what they look like as well. You are navigating through a very difficult time in your life and you are certainly not alone.

Two places i want you to check out:

https://www.youthbeyondblue.com/

https://www.headspace.org.au/

Both are designed for the youth of today and there is also a youth part of the forum which you have posted this thread in. Have a good look around, i think you will find others just like yourself.

Out of space....TBC

MarkJT · ‎20-03-2017

VekiJ123, ok so i also want you to download an app called, "Smiling Mind". It is mindfulness and it helps you keep in the moment, not worrying about the future nor the past. This will help you with your anxiety.

Are you able to have a sit down with you parents and have an open discussion with them? Are you able to tell them exactly how you are feeling?

If you can do this then it would be awesome and then it would also be a good idea to have a chat to your GP and tell them the same thing. They have heard all of this before so there is no need to worry about it. Yes it may be anxiety triggering but you are no different to 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men in Australia who have some kind of anxiety disorder....and you may not have any disorder at all.

It would be great to know if you do actually have some kind of anxiety then we can help guide you through your journey and support you.

Again, I want to say well done - so much courage for someone so young.

I hope to hear back from you.

Take care and remember, you are NOT ugly nor weird.

Mark.

VekiJ123 · ‎21-03-2017

Thank you both (@BiddyB @MarkJT), so much for your advice it's much appreciated, so are your concerns for me. I'm also entirely grateful for how you guys are so understanding. I'll do my best to follow all of your advice accordingly. Hopefully it will help me mend faster, though only time will tell. Sorry I didn't reply individually, it takes too much of my data which I really need. Nonetheless though, I will check out the websites you guys suggested. Thanks again.

With love,
Revekah

MarkJT · ‎21-03-2017

Revekah, you're welcome and we are here if you want to ask anything okay.

You have so much life ahead of you so please do not think that it is always going to be like this.

You will be okay.

Mark.