My Thoughts.

[Estelle5200]

Hi all. Throughout my high school years I've always felt like I was never enough in my mothers eyes. If I did well in a test I was told it was luck, a one off incident. Not only that, but she has always compared to my older cousins who are smarter and more successful in life, never letting me forget my short-comings. Now that I've started my dream degree in college, it hasn't gotten any better. Everytime i fufill her academic expectations there is always another one lying in wait. I feel suffocated and lost, and theres so much I want to say but I don't know where to even begin. I try to avoid her and lock myself in my room because everytime we do communicate, I'm told I'm of no help, selfish, my degree won't get me anywhere etc. and I always end up crying and feeling drained.

I'm prone to stress and over thinking situations, and I take everything she says to heart and it hurts everytime. I just want to quiet the voices in my head because sometimes I feel as though I'm going crazy.

thankyou for listening.

[Neferata]

Hi Estelle,

Welcome to this safe place. Your mother is certainly a toxic element in your life and it isn't right, fair or decent that she treat you this way. You survived high school! As a teacher myself that statement carries a lot of weight with me. Not everyone gets out of high school alive and not everyone goes on to do what they dream of doing! Already that is a great triumph and you deserve to feel proud about that!

Are you receiving medical help? I would recommend seeing someone to work through these problems with in person, most universities have medical services on campus (waiting times may not be great) but outside of uni medicare should see you get the help you need without charge.

Many of my own students have problems similar to this in their home lives and I try to steer them in a direction away from seeking parental approval. There is always the hope that parents will change their ways but ultimately the only person you need to be seeking approval from is your good self. This is something to speak with a psychologist further but you have made the very brave and courageous first step by coming here for guidance!

Thank you for having the bravery to share your story, stay safe and take care of yourself,
-Nef.

[Doolhof]

Hi Estelle,

Welcome to the community here. I too would like to congratulate you for making it as far as you have under the circumstances. Like Nef mentioned, seeking parental approval is probably something we all hope for but it may not be achievable.

This does not mean that you are not good enough, it may mean that your Mum has issues she may not be aware of, or is unable to understand or regulate.

My parents didn't seem to be there for me when I needed them, I later learnt their parents weren't there for them either, so how do you learn a behaviour when it was never shown to you unless you are willing to change!

You have this opportunity to take your education where you want it to go. You have the opportunity to become the person you desire to be. Yes, it would be lovely if your Mum was there for you, for some reason she isn't.

Please think of it as your Mum having and issue and not you!

This is a safe place for your to share your thoughts and feelings. Hopefully by expressing what is happening, you can find ways to determine how you want to progress from here.

I grew up knowing I needed to respect my parents, at the same time I didn't have to agree with everything they said.

Cheers to you from Dools