my school has really unrealistic expectations that I can't meet and I feel stupid and useless

[rvbae]

I used to love school so much. I enjoyed the challenges I got to work through everyday and have always been naturally smart when it comes to academics and stuff. A year ago I moved to the school I'm currently at now, which functions in a way that prepares people in the year levels 10-12 for university. The learning is all self directed and its not too bad apart from the fact their expectations are incredibly unrealistic and have been causing me a lot of issues in terms of my grades and mental health.

In 2021, I was diagnosed with ADHD which severely impacts my focus and ability to organise and manage my time. I have had the diagnosis for 2 years now and have found ways to work with my disorder to benefit myself in terms of school.

The school I'm at now overcomplicates all the assignments and then when I don't get a decent grade, they email my mother, and I get punished or yelled at for not doing good enough. I feel really stupid and useless and I wish things were more simple. I wanna go back to a traditional school but my parents are refusing to let me move schools and I don't know what to do. I have spoken to school counsellors and I have a learning plan that gives me extra support on my assignments, but my teachers never acknowledge it or dismiss it whenever I bring it up.

My mental health is going downhill quite rapidly and I feel a lot more anxious and depressed now. I only have a year and a half left of school but I don't think I can keep this up for much longer. I haven't felt genuinely happy in a long time and I just wish things were better. I don't know what to do and I am desperate for any sort of positive change in my life regarding school.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I totally understand your challenges with ADHD. I was originally diagnosed with it at 46yo (I'm 67 now) but after 6 years got another opinion and it was bipolar etc. Nevertheless, sometimes small amounts of one illness can overlap another so my lack of focus and endurance eg reading books, can be problematic. 

I commend you on seeking counselling to find ways to adjust yourself to benefit your studies. At your stage in life you can only go by what the experts show you but as you develop you'll pick up techniques that work best for you and drop off the ones others have recommended but didnt work as well for you as do for other sufferers. Eg I can read books but I can read news feed on Facebook because I have variety by scrolling when I'm bored with one article. It helps me remain stimulated.

It's hard for anyone like me now to go against parents or teachers techniques. But let's say if you try your very best then you ideally should have confidence to say to others- "I'm doing the best I can even with lack of focus with ADHD. So maybe you are setting the bar too high for me to leap". These people mean well but they are not you, they arent in your body or mind so ultimately they could well be ill advising and that results in being over critical. Maybe if they encouraged it would sit better.

So with your ADHD. Because I have similar challenges I found that if I break up my activities every 20-30 minutes I can return to them after say 2-3 minutes. Eg you are studying, after 20 minutes, stand up, pat your dog or walk around the block or just walk outside and take a big breath... you'll be amazed at how you can sit back down with a fresh mind and study for another 40 minutes or so. This "timeout" also helps to refocus on other ways to study.

I suggest you study up on ADHD more. It is your illness and its part of you that will be lifelong. The more you know about it the better you can live with it. Finally keep high contact with your counsellors so the messages get through to teachers more regularly. Teachers workload is huge so unless they get the regular messages their attention drops off.

TonyWK 

[rvbae]

Thank you TonyWK this really helps a lot. I spoke to a counsellor today and it was suggested that I speak to my parents about how I'm feeling and see where I can go from there. I appreciate the tip for studying and I'm gonna start using it from now on and see if it helps. Thank you so much.

[white knight]

Thanks for replying. A final tip. If you over work to achieve you dont have the balance of recreation/hobbies/sports/friendships that will allow you to free up your mind to study. This "balance" we talk about a lot here on other things like ... we can talk all day about mental health but it is also healthy to play a board game or listen to music. 

Cheers. Reply anytime

TonyWK