My Own Experience of Cruelty

[Jeb_CC]

Hello, forum. Nice to meet you. I'm just an average person who got struck with Depression a few months ago. I know that's not a lot at all but it's really breaking me so I thought a good way to feel better is to meet people who have similar problems!

I've had a really complicated year, that and my mother and classmate have depression, so it's sort of... Spread...? My mother was forced to put our dog down at the start of the year because he was too aggressive, and my beautiful parrot died suddenly overnight for unknown reasons a few months ago. I was in a three year long distance relationship, my first visit with him was in December last year. That's when I realized the person I loved for so long was actually physically abusive, and I broke up with him after the trip, but not before losing all of my friends after they cussed me out and accused me of being a terrible girlfriend and "How dare you break up with him! He's so sweet!"

That trip was supposed to be my Holiday, and I tried to go on a trip to the UK in July for an actual holiday. I was told by border control to; "Be a normal young female, go home, and go partying and drinking. Not travelling, this isn't for you." And all my money went down the drain after they sent me back. And now I find myself trapped again because my mother is going to get back together with her abusive ex husband and I don't like him. I want to live alone...

I also quit my job recently to focus on my studies, but the depression is making it extremely hard. I feel like one of the few that don't have anxiety with their depression. So I rarely worry about the things I should worry about which doesn't help. My depression has also made me, I find, extremely judgmental and paranoid and thus on the whim of a moment, parted from the majority of my friends because it feels like none of them care about me.

I often feel like I'm always overreacting. Like, I know my problems are no where near as bad as those of a war vet or someone who has PTSD. And I feel for those who suffer that way. But I just don't know what to do or where I fit. I suffer but there's no empathy for me because; "They're only small problems. You'll get over them".

Whenever I feel hopeless, I draw vent Art to make me feel better, it seems to be the only thing I've been motivated to do. But I'm really touched by how many caring people there seems to be here, and I look forward to talking to you all!

Sorry for the long read.

- Jeb

[White_Rose]

Dear Jeb

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good you have found your way here and thank you for telling us your story. It sounds as though you have had quite a year.

I want to tell you that no matter how difficult or unpleasant life is for other people there is no comparison with your struggle with depression. There is no comparison between hurts and no one should feel that depression is not as serious as any other mental illness or trauma. What happens to others is dreadful but in no way makes you less worthy of help and support. So please accept you are as important as anyone else and hurt as much as anyone else.

I am sorry your dog needed to be put to sleep and that your parrot died. These are sad events in your life and have made you unhappy. Losing our pets is hard but remember it's natural to feel sad about this.

You are wise to get out of an abusive relationship no matter what your friends say. There is no excuse for violence. It's good that you recognised you have no need to stay with someone who abuses you. Your friends have no right to tell you off for leaving your BF no matter how sweet he appeared to be.

You cannot 'catch' depression from someone else although living with someone who is depressed can be sad. It's your mother's decision to reunite with her husband. If you feel unsafe with him around you may want to move away from home but consider all the options very carefully first. Do you have somewhere to live and can you afford to do this?

What are you studying? Depression can make it hard for you to concentrate and complete your assignments. If you are not coping well is it possible to take time off until you feel better? It's almost the end of the academic year. Can you manage until then? Consider if you need a break for a while and perhaps find a job that is not very demanding and which gives you an income.

Depression can make us feel as though no one cares about us and is one of the classic symptoms. Comparing ourselves to others is also common as is feeling a bit paranoid. Are you getting some support and help for your depression, such as taking medication and/or seeing a counsellor or your GP regularly? These things will help you to get well more quickly. Not being anxious is a good thing in my opinion. You have enough to contend with by being depressed.

It would be good to know why you were refused entry to the UK but only if you want to tell us. I'm almost out of word allowance. Please write in again.

Mary

[geoff]

hello Jeb, well Mary has said most of what I was going to say, but firstly I'm pleased that you have found out that your b/friend is abusive, because as time progressed it would have only got worse for you, and your friends have only seen the good side to him and not what you have now found out.
If you wanted to go on a holiday then you shouldn't be deterred by border control, because you have paid for it and unless you had travel insurance then you may have been able to get the money back.
There could be financial reasons why your mum has moved back to her ex-husband, but this may not last if he keeps on hurting her, so all you can do is tell her how you feel about her doing this, otherwise it's her decision and will once again learn the hard way which I'm sorry for.
Everybody who posts a comment can't really be compared to a war vet, because we are only talking what you are worried about and no one else, so you can't compare an orange with an apple if you know what I'm trying to say.
People who say 'get over it' have no idea on how you are feeling, probably because they haven't had depression themselves, so it is annoying when they don't want to try and help you, because you feel all alone, and that's not good, but remember now you have made many friends here on this site, and that's great because you can talk with any of us at any time, and don't forget that all of us have been through similar circumstances so we understand your troubles, so please we hope that we will hear from you again. Geoff.

[Jeb_CC]

@WhiteRose: Hey and thanks for replying. ^-^ Thanks for the caring words too, it i much appreciated.

As far as things go with my step-dad, I really am thinking of moving out into my own home just so I don't have to be around him. He lives down in Hobart which is a bit of a drive away, but I want to move to WA which is where I grew up. My biological dad lives there and so do all my older siblings so I'd have good company. But I don't know if I'll be able to sustain myself and afford to live on my own. I can probably stay with my biological dad until I get a job? I don't know though, I don't want to be a pain to my relatives.

At the moment I'm studying stuff like art, computer science, graphics and design, and english writing, as well as doing an online vet course I couldn't complete last year - and I blame the bad website and its slow teachers for that. Most of this stuff I'd usually enjoy doing but now I struggle to work on anything for more than twenty minutes. 😕
I know that with the rate I'm going, I won't be able to get into Uni. But that's fine, no big deal. I just have to get the work done in time, and really, a pass will do!

I'm thinking of taking medication but I'm a bit iff about it. Just need more thought into it before I make a solid decision but I'm leaning towards taking some form of medication.

And as for the UK trip, blah, it's annoying. My friend I was planning to visit was apparently 'too old' and as a result, I get interrogated and my stuff taken away by police, thrown in a room that might as well have just been some sort of cell, and now my whole life is being investigated because 'we're doing this for your safety'. He's getting investigated too and this feels like all my fault. But it's incredibly unnerving seeing as I'm usually always on the good side of the law but now it feels like I'm a criminal.

@Geoff: Thanks for replying too, and the supporting words.
My mother is kind of weird. She's financially stable but her personality is crazy. She's extremely spontaneous and changes her mind every 5 minutes. So she could be cussing my dad out one minute, and the next be all; "Oh, I'll give him another chance" but I know it's just going to hurt all of us.

Really, I just long to find people I can talk to that understand more than anything. That take into account what I'm dealing with and understand why I can't be my usual chipper self.

- Jeb

[littlemisspippa]

Hi Jeb,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have experienced Depression in the past and l have Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD).

Regarding medication, l can understand feeling iffy about taking it. I was so resistant at first. That changed when l decided to approach treating the anxiety/depression like l would with any other illness. If you have Diabetes (or any other physical illness), would you feel bad about taking the medication required to treat it? Hopefully not. The medication isn't going to make it magically disappear - it will just allow you to be able to get back on your feet and work out what you need to do.

If the Depression you are experiencing is severe enough, then l would really encourage you to see your GP and get a Mental Health Plan.

Depression is a really mean illness that tries to tell you that you are alone (you are never alone). It tries to tell you that you don't have the energy or passion for life (you do!). So understand what it's trying to convince you and say "Go away Depression! I know your tricks! I know what your trying to tell me! I ain't falling for that. I know better and l'm going to do everything l can to make you go away!"

Be kind to yourself, treat depression like any other illness (understand the causes, symptoms and treatment) and with time, you will be back to feeling like yourself.

Cheers,

Philippa

[White_Rose]

Hello Jeb

May I ask how old you are? If the police (British or Aussie?) are concerned about your safety I think it is reasonable for you to be worried. If you were thinking of visiting a much older man I can see why the authorities were concerned.

It's not unreasonable to visit your biological father so why not ask him if you can stay? Are you happy with him and do you get on well? If you stay with him you will not subject to any abuse by your stepfather. I do not know where in WA your family is living so I cannot comment on whether you will be able to find a job. Your first step is to contact your father and take it from there.

Another first step is to see your GP. I believe this is very important for you. Copy and print this thread and show your GP. Much easier than explaining again. It seems to me that you are trying to do too many things at the same time with the result that nothing gets done properly. Are you still at school? You mentioned a classmate who also had depression.

Please make an appointment to see your GP ASAP. You say you are thinking about taking medication. This is a big step and depending on how unwell you are, may be very good for you. However, this is a decision for you and your GP.

Carry on talking to us here at BB. We are always available to chat. If you want some immediate help, please phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636. Alternatively you can call the the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. They are there for people up to age 25. Or you can visit their web page, www.kidshelpline.com.au

Please look after yourself.

Mary