Completely lost

CMarie23 · ‎13-09-2016

20 years old and suddenly feeling lost. Didn't know what else to do or who to talk too so I thought I'd come on here

I'm constantly tired and nothing fixes it..I have a couple of friends that make the effort sometimes but my mind always finds ways to doubt if they actually care especially if they never try to see me. Kind of feel like no one cares anymore and that everyone has more important people around... School or work, I always had a reason to feel like I was the odd one out and I never managed to find a group of friends i would fit in with.

Sometimes I even try force myself to go out by myself during the day but I always end up feeling anxious and wanting to cry.. I put so much effort into trying to look okay and work on confidence just for my mood to bring me down again. Also constantly reassuring other people why I'm doing things so they don't think I'm stupid or judge me

I hate my job but I have no motivation to apply for jobs.. I feel like I have no hobbies or anything I'm really passionate about right now either. I keep seeing everyone doing so much with their lives and wondering how because I'm constantly feeling stuck

Lately I'll feel average but then suddenly I can feel my mood change, my body gets heavy and I feel sad as if I'm going to cry... for absolutely no reason. My family are always arguing or draining me and I don't think living here is helping me. I even constantly zone out at work (which I've always done) but people never ask if I'm okay, they just say I look lost/depressed and walk away laughing.

I'm unsure if I need help, I always try to fix myself but I just feel so down and negative all the time now... I'm faking smiles, just replying with 'I'm okay' and I'm more quiet than usual.

Things will get better, right...?

Zeal · ‎13-09-2016

Hi Marie,

Welcome to the forum!

The way you are feeling is really tough emotionally, and I can tell from your post that you are trying so hard to fight the sadness and confusion. Now it's time to speak to someone for help. Going to your doctor (GP) for a referral to a psychologist or qualified counsellor is a good option. If you don't have a GP you've seen before, you could search online for local doctors.

You are definitely not alone Marie. I am 23, and was confused about where my life was headed until I was almost 21. It would have taken me longer were it not for a fortunate choice of a university elective (intro psychology) that made me realise what really interested me. I've lived with anxiety (OCD) for 10 years now.

If you don't mind me asking, what job do you have?

I hope you can see a doctor (GP) soon about how you're feeling.

Best wishes,

SM

Stillkickin · ‎15-09-2016

Well you have one person thats cares right here! Things will 100% get better, stages of anxiety during life can be contributed by a large number of things, if I were you I'd take a few moments back and attempt to search for what gives rise to your anxiety, it may be difficult but it really does help, and I think seeing a GP and possibly a Psychologist/Councillor, they will help point you in the right direction. 😃

Sunny3 · ‎18-09-2016

Hi Marie,
I can completely relate to what your saying, I was feeling much the same last year. I found that I needed to cut down on my expectations of myself and accept that feeling lost was okay. One thing I found really helped was exercising, I have never been one for exercising but I found going for a slow walk (especially near the beach or in parks) really let me relax and clear my head. Seeing a psychologist was also helpful for me at that stage, its good even to just have someone who you can talk to about your feelings. Just remember your not alone in your feelings.

MsPurple · ‎19-09-2016

Hi Marie. I'm so glad you posted here because it means you are wanting to things to change, and you are wanting to feel better. And that is one of the hardest things to admit to yourself. Everyone here has offered great advise by going to see a GP. I just want to add that when I was 23 and getting help I didn't have a GP. I was living in Sydney for 2 years for Uni, so I hadn't found a GP that I clicked with. I instead went to a youth centre (headspace) and I talked to them there. They referred me to an appropriate team that would help me for my situation. They also have GPs there to give referrals as well. The GP I saw was amazing, I have never felt more comfortable seeing a doctor before. I just wanted to add this extra info incase you are like me and don't have a GP you are comfortable talking to. Also beyond blue have great links to doctors you can see, and they have an interest in mental health as well.

I know that feeling depressed can come in waves. You may feel terrible one day and think, 'ok I'm going to get help, I don't want to live like this anymore'. And the next day you feel completely better so you think 'I'm ok now, so I don't need help'. This can be a viscous cycle and hard to break. I would suggest that even if you are having an ok day, you know you have felt throughout the last few months (or years) and it would still be good to get help even if the day you see the GP may not be the 'worst' day. The black dog (depression) may not always be around, but its a good idea to get a trainer (mental health professional) in to help you control them, because they will come back and knowing how to control them will make it easier when they return. Does that make sense?

I hope this advise has helped you. We are all here to support you (and each other) 🙂