Oxymoron of a mind

[Jeb_CC]

Hello forum.

So I've been thinking a lot lately to myself, brooding and contemplating like usual... and I've had a few things stirring in my head. I'm worried there's something more to my problems than just Depression. But I don't know what that could be. I'm actually considering I'm just a really stupid person. XD Like, my IQ is 60 or something. It'd explain a lot. But basically, whenever I have a conversation with someone, I need everything to be said as it is. No beating around the bush, no dilly-dallying. If they start over-complicating it I will just not be able to understand it and it goes riiight over my head. Even when it's written down for me to read, I still struggle to understand. I think this is the main reason why I do so badly in Essay writing - because the topic it gives you is incredibly hard for me to understand. Example:
"Authors create characters who reflect or challenge the ideas about gender that are representative of a particular cultural and historical context." is taken from an essay question on an exam from last year. What does it mean?? I was doing this for my exam last year, I couldn't understand it then, and I still can't understand it now! I almost failed that class! XD Because I can't write essays. I can't say such complicated fluid things let alone read them. Also, a few days ago my English teacher was reading out story examples for English Writing. Everyone was saying for this one story; "Oh this is terrible" But I was mentally thinking; "This is bad? This is good! I would love to read more of this!" Turns out that piece of writing was of a C grade, which is not that great. So what is wrong with me? Because of all this, I can't understand politics, literature (I don't fancy reading because of this), sometimes deep discussions, and I don't know why. Maybe I am just dumb... I don't know.

I know there's probably something to me... I mean a few days ago a new friend asked if I had Aspergers. >.> I'm thinking I should talk to my psychologist about this. But I don't see her for another two weeks. 😧
Any input is appreciated.

- Jeb

[Starwolf]

Hi Jeb, thank you for sharing your concerns.

Your post makes one thing obvious : you are not dumb. Far from it.

Depression is exhausting. Nothing like it to drain mental/emotional resources. What you are experiencing may just be your mind's coping mechanism. It finds complex input too overwhelming. It shuts out some of it to keep things simple and manageable. An intelligent response.

Nothing wrong with being straight forward. Nothing wrong with appreciating clarity or shunning complications. Perhaps your mind is only doing the wise thing... trying to protect you from overload. Whenever possible, the best way to cope with a complex problem is to break it up into small pieces and deal with them one at a time.

Letting your therapist know is a well thought decision. S/he is the best person to approach with those concerns. Successful therapy largely depends on openness and honesty on both sides.

Kindest thoughts.