My mum doesn't believe I have a mental illness?

[skyler_writes]

Hi, so, I'm just gonna get straight to the point. I have social and generalised anxiety along with mild depression that comes and goes throughout the year. It gets especially bad around the two month summer Christmas holidays. I think it's because I have no structure in my day to day life (That's why I like school, it provides structure and yes, a distraction from depression, which may sound weird). Anyway, this year I really want to avoid the seasonal depression. I want to get out more, go to the beach, climb the mountains nearby, spend time with friends, make new friends, I even want to start seeing a therapist about my anxiety (I haven't seen one in awhile). I've even been working out for the past six/five months and it has helped with my depression, though not so much my anxiety. Anyway, my mum doesn't really acknowledge that I have these illnesses. When I went to her about my plans to be more out-and-about this summer (I even had a workout schedule) she said "So you're just gearing yourself up for depression?" She says a lot of comments like this, tells me to get out of the house more, if I wasn't so lazy I wouldn't feel this way, she says that my anxiety is something that I should just 'get over' and she forces me to do things that trigger my anxiety (though she doesn't know it does until I say "Mum, I can't. I'm scared." but she'll still tell me to do it and says I should get over it). She's a great mum any other day but she's really dismissive and degrading when it comes to my anxiety and depression. I'm trying really hard to get better but I feel like it would be so much easier if she understood and supported me. It's not all bad, my sister is all for supporting and understanding me and I honestly don't know how bad I would be if it wasn't for her, but without my mum it just feels so much harder. 

 Any advice? 

[Jacko777]

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Styler, I am sure you will get lots of ideas and support.

Gosh, you are doing such a good job to look after your self, your plans for the summer break sound great and I hope you do these things you have planned. I definitely think seeing a therapist will help, apart from planning your own recovery you can talk about how to respond to your mum. 

Sounds to me like your mum does not have the understanding and knowledge of mental health that you have. So she means well but has little understanding. That's fair enough I guess, many people don't understand how it affects people and how debilitating it can be. It would be great if your mum could accompany you to a therapist, not to have a go at her but so she can hear what you are really going through, so she can hear that you don't 'just get over it.' 

It's tough for you mate, I guess you can practice compassion for your mum, see her as a woman that has not had experience with mental health and has trouble knowing how to respond. I don't think you should let her to force you to trigger your anxiety, neither of you want that and she needs to see that it's not the right path to recovery. 

You could ring the Beyond Blue phone service too, they would love to give you advice on this situation. Keep up the great work mate and give your sister (and your mum) a big hug for me.

Jack

[PatT]

Hi Skyler,

first - it sounds like you're doing a whole bunch of great stuff for your mental state so keep it up.

Second - there are millions of people around the world who don't recognise depression/anxiety as a legitimate problem. They see it as something that can be willed away, something that's a waste of time. As you and I both know this isn't true at all but that's the way many choose to see it. It's probably harder for your mum to accept because you're her child and it's hard for her to help you with something she doesn't understand.

I can imagine it's pretty frustrating and that's why you need more people to talk to about it. See a mental health professional, ask questions on the beyondblue forums, speak to your sister, ring the phoneline if need be. It sucks that your mum sees it that way but don't be too dismayed - turn to others for help. Maybe in time she'll come around.

[snowwhite_2]

Hi there skyler_writes,

I can totally relate with what what your going through. I've done loads of research on social anxiety, depression, the symptoms, everything. I've done the anxiety and depression tests on all the sites like beyond-blue, head space etc. All my results come up with me having high anxiety and depression, also my symptoms add up to the ones for depression and anxiety. These two mental illnesses are really impacting my life, daily. I rarely make conversation with anyone but my teachers and my only friend who will be soon leaving to go to another school, which brings me to my anxiety. I can't remember the last time my thoughts were clear, I simply cannot stop overthinking. I'm constantly self conscious and have no confidence in myself or my appearance. I hate myself and the way I act and talk, my ethnicity is Irish and I have blonde hair, so I'm always called an albino, and once someone said my name sounded like alien, so they said I should be called alien as I look like one. I also relate to feeling depressed near the Christmas holidays, as you said there is no structure to weeks or days, no school work to complete, nothing to keep your mind off of things. I finally confronted my parents about how I believed I had a mental illness, explaining all the research and tests I'd done, and how I'd like to go to the doctors to get diagnosed, or to at least see what was wrong, as I was sick of dealing with myself and my anxious thoughts. I'd like to add that my mum is actually a psychologist herself, and I thought maybe she'd understand and help. My parents listened to what I'd said and smiled, saying that nothing was wrong with me, that I was just a teenager overreacting, that I don't have it, and that I'm fine. I pleaded for them to just get me checked, but they didn't take me seriously, saying there's no point I'm fine. I feel like I'm frozen, unable to get help as I feel the anger with myself and my racing thought, I feel like because my parents don't believe me I have only one way out. i try not to think about that, but I'm so lonely, stuck in this situation. Sorry I've just been holding this all in and when I saw what you said, I felt like I'd found someone who could understand. Not seeking attention just wanted to share this, as I feel kinda better getting it out. I hope there is some way we can both find ways to find help, and get heard.

From

Ailish