My Depression

[1468]

I am 15 and currently in high school and feel like i'm one of the nicest people I know, always willing to give for no reason to friends and even strangers. I have a friend group that I was close with but now I just feel used and hated.I feel like I am the least valued person in my friend group. One main reason is that every time it's someone's birthday, the whole group piles money to get a gift for the birthday person, however I was the only one who hasn't received anything. I know that it sounds very insignificant but the fact that they didn't even bother getting me a present hurts me to no end. I am very shy and don't like talking to people, I prefer sitting at my desk playing my games. Up until recently I would always play with someone but now i'm just sitting alone staring at the screen waiting for someone to get on. I don't seem to find joy in anything I do anymore and feeling extremely depressed, I know that if i just went out more I could have more friends and solve everything but I was never that kind of person.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend who has a short temper and very few interests and who didn't seem to try in the relationship while I did everything for her, paying for most of the things that we bought and offering to do all the work while I told her to go relax. I didn't really mind it until she suddenly said she wanted to break up one day, saying I became boring and that i'm not boyfriend material, that i'm too short and skinny compared to her. I was heart-broken and shattered. In the entire relationship I was the one saying sorry even though I was sure I was in the right. I lost many of my other friends when she complained that I wasn't giving her my full attention. When she was going through severe depression, I was always the one to listen and understand, coercing her that i'll be there always. While whenever she was in a bad mood she always just ended up getting mad at me for no reason and I would sit there and take it all in. I remember once we had an argument because she heard a rumour about me two-timing her. I clearly did not and managed got everyone that we both knew to confirm it, she ignored everyone and was extremely unreasonable, only selectively listening to people who were on her side.

The past aside I want to know what i'm doing wrong. Like why am I the one who gets teased most by my friends as well? I apologise if my post doesn't make much sense, I can't really think straight right now and on the verge of crying

[white knight]

Hi 1468, welcome

You write very well and explain yourself accurately. Makes my job easier.

Because so many around you are seemingly cruel or inconsiderate then you think automatically that you are to blame. Not necessarily so. People can be cruel. Teenagers especially. Group mentality is unfair, you feel insignificant because to them you are. There us one reason fir this-incompatibility...they are not your type of friend. Furthermore your type if friend might be hard to find because your personality is in the minority.

That doesnt mean you are abnormal though. We are all unique and wonderful. You have to grow to realise that. Self confidence is learned and if you havent been given much confidence as a child then you have to provide it yourself. It isnt easy but the rewards are incredible over time.

And this technique of :change of thinking" is the same with everything you do. Your ex girlfriend is the same. If she humiliates you by saying those things to you...do you really want her as a girlfriend? Dont lower your standards ...raise them!. You deserve better treatment from a girlfriend.

Ive got a few threads for you to read. You might only want to read the first post of each thread.

Seek out your own type of friend. Join light sports like table tennis, bowling, badminton etc

Use google

Topic: the gang mentality- beyondblue

Topic: bullying- beyondblue

Topic: the definition of abuse- beyondblue

Topic: the definition of abuse-what us IT?- beyondblue

Topic: ostracized- who's fault is it?- beyondblue

Topic: motivation, search and rescue it- beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

Gooid luck. Let me know what you think.

Tony WK

[Paddy_Rat]

Friend I'm so sorry that you're suffering in this way. I suspect that many of us who become depressed are those who try to always accommodate others. That sounds like the sort of guy you are. I know it's part of my character too. Amazing change can occur faster than you expect and at your age I can promise you that you are growing and changing even if you feel stuck. I look back and know that this was true for me when I was where you are. I'm 33 now and I have seen so much change in my life. I wish you strength and hope.