My 2 biggest fears

[FeralRabbit34]

I wanted to write about my two biggest fears today because one of my teachers laughed and told me that I was “Way too young to be afraid of anything in particular.”

My first fear, one that I don’t feel needs a lot of explanation, is clowns. They absolutely terrify me. When I was a lot younger, I hated going to the toilet at night, because I thought a pedophillic clown would watch me through the window.

I don’t think it needs to be said that it was quite a traumatising thought.

My second fear, however is a more recently discovered one. It is a fear of oblivion.

For those that don’t know, oblivion is a less common word meaning completely gone, sometimes used when describing how destroyed something is - destroyed to oblivion.

The origins of the word, however, point to being forgotten, completely and utterly, as if you were never even there. This is what I fear.

I feel like - on some level - we all fear this, but the idea that our lives could have completely no impact on anything around us as soon as we leave our mortal plane truly shakes me to my core.

The fact that I could be laughed at for thinking this way makes me fear if even more.

When that teacher laughed in my face, I felt as if I was nothing. Like I was nothing in particular, I had nothing that stood out. And if being forgotten doesn’t stem from being a face in the crowd, I don’t know where I should aim my fear.

FeralRabbit

[smallwolf]

Hi. Welcome to beyond blue.

Firstly well done for posting here. I am not a trained professional. I am just like you - just another user on the forum that suffers from anxiety and depression. Your fear of clowns is called coulrophobia. If you were to do a google search on that term you would out more about it, causes and cures etc. The only thing that I will say are that clowns are also real people underneath.

The part that concerned me in your post was the reaction of your teacher laughing at you. Our school years are when we are most impressionable. I had a few bad experiences at high school that I have spoken to my psychologist about already. And like you the end result is that feel hopeless or worthless.

Have you, or are you able to speak with your parents about any of this? The same questions apply to the school counsellor. That is where I would start. And if you do not feel that you could talk to them, could you write it down on paper and hand the paper to them?

If you have any questions or want to chat, please let me know.

Tim

[Doolhof]

Hi Feral Rabbit,

I too welcome you to the community here. Like Tim, I am concerned about the words and actions of your teacher. Would you feel comfortable making a complaint about the teacher to the principle of the school?

No one should be dismissive of any one's fears. Who is to say that one fear is more worthy than someone else's fears.

I would also like to suggest like Tim that you talk to a counsellor at school if possible. Your fears need to be addressed and considered so you can sort out where these fears came from and importantly how to over come them.

I have heard of other people being afraid of clowns. The bit that concerns me is you thinking of a clown being a paedophile watching you. If you don't mind me asking, have you experienced an uncomfortable situation of a man watching you in real life that has triggered this fear? If so, than that should be discussed and sorted so you can deal with that.

Mindfulness practises may help you with your fear of oblivion. Google this and see if you can find ways to feel more connected to everything around you.

One more issue, the teacher's point of view is their point of view. It is not your reality, it is theirs! You do not have to take what they said to heart! You know that your fears are real to you and you can decide how you are going to deal with them.

You are a person who deserves recognition, understanding, acceptance and validation like everyone else.

Seek people who will listen and who take you seriously!

Cheers to you and once again welcome to the forum! From Dools

[Squirrellesque]

Hey FerelRabbit

Fears are weird, right? I used to be afraid of a lot of things, but recently the main one I have is a fear of concrete ceilings cracking and falling on me. I'm better than I used to be, but I used to struggle with this a lot. The other thing I'm afraid of is myself, and what I do when I lose control. I used to have a terrible fear of not seeing things, specifically I once rode my bike at speed into the back of a parked car. That was parked in the same place every day for the preceding year. It was a long time before I trusted myself again. Even though fully rationally, either there's a car there or there isn't.

But then that's ignoring something. I have a fear of oblivion too.

But here's another thing. You've already changed the world. Just a bit. But a bit is all it takes. You've changed my world, by posting that post, and I'll have changed your world, somehow, if you read this. And then together everyone who has posted on this thread will have changed the lives of everyone who read the thread. Just a little. But it's something. And it was a feather that broke the camel's back.

When it comes to fears, I'm going to let you decide whether they're irrational or not. But I'd like to challenge you to come up with a rational way of dealing with it. If you have to, close the blinds, so that no one can see in. Or, also, I have a first-story bedroom, and so if there's any chance anyone's in the yard I change in the bathroom, which has no windows. I'm not sure of anything I can say to help with the fear itself (if you were a Christian, I might), but I know that there are people who are.

And. What the teacher did wasn't right. He should know that a person's fears – or their mistakes – are not what make a person. What makes a person is what they value and what they do about it. How they go on. The steps forward that they take. Can I give you a challenge? Don't value the teacher's opinion. Value the teacher's wellbeing. Value the teacher's potential to change, to be an amazing human being, even if they aren't yet, even if they won't be for a long time. And try to look upon everyone – including yourself – in that way. Can you do that?

Best wishes for the future,

~Squirrel

[LavenderTea]

Hey FeralRabbit,

Clowns are creepy hey? Totally understandable. A lot of people I know are creeped out by clowns. As long as it's not becoming something you're constantly worrying about, then it's fine... We all have our own fears.

I think you're completely right about there being some aspect of worry about being forgotten in everyone. Recently I was completing a module at uni on what's known as death literacy - this is the idea that we, as a community, should become more knowledgeable about what a good death is, more so in terms of individuals with terminal illnesses. There was this one video I'd watched where a paramedic had spoken about three things that were consistently thought about by people at that stage in their lives... one of these is about being forgotten... or rather, if we reframe it... it's about being remembered.

I'm really sorry to hear that your teacher laughed at you. I'm only 24, but it's very obvious that as we get older, we believe that there are more and more hurdles to jump, so sometimes the older you get, the more you forget that young adults have concerns too.

It's okay to have this fear, but as I've already mentioned, that's as long as it's not becoming something you're worrying about more often than not. If it is, then perhaps it's something you might want to discuss with a school counsellor or your psychologist - we don't want it to become something it doesn't have to be.

But this is a tricky one - it's not quite a fear of snakes that you can just be exposed to gradually to reduce your fear. It's important to not give it too much weight, because when you do that, it can sometimes snowball, but you can think about it in a practical way. If it's something you're worried about then consider things like "what does being remembered mean to you", "what can you do, do me remembered". Being in high school, it might even help you with some ideas around career perspectives.

You can always keep chatting here as a soundboard to your thoughts, but you can even chat to your psychologist about, they can help facilitate healthy thought processes around this topic, and help you find some ways you can manage your thinking if you do get stuck worrying about this too much.

LT.