Mean Girls

[Saddo_in_Stilettos_22]

Hey everyone,

I really need some honest, logical advice here. I just joined this site and I to be understood.

My dad has an influential position in my country, and he is always away! Sometimes he goes internatially, and I really always miss him. Though I feel bad, because sometimes I forget about him when we are eating dinner or something like that

I have really good friends that make me feel happy, but I dont really feel comftable telling them how I feel, when I'm lonely.

I want somebody to talk to, when I really can open up. I feel so lonely and sad sometimes, and stay up crying a lot. My mum hears me sometimes and comes into my bed to give me a cuddle (yes, I'm a teenager and she still does that) and asks what's wrong, but I don't want to tell her. She doesn't seem like the right person. Nobody in my life does.

I'm constantly pressured about how I look, because I have a lot of zits and they just won't go away even if I put cream on. The popular girls at my school gossip a lot and sometimes I think about me. Girls can me names I've heard, but they are too much of cowards to say to my face.

I've started to cry so much that I feel queasy. I don't like life anymore, with the stress, loneliness and sadness. I just want to feel happy and good about myself again, the bubbly and loud girl that isn't afraid to have fun and be weird.

I would never commit suicide, that would be too selfish. No matter how much I am not enjoying life, people in my life love me, and I can't stamp on their hearts like that. It would make their lives harder, and making my life end would be awful. It would hurt a lot too. So I'm definitely not doing that.

What can I do to get my life, body and mind mentally healthy and happy? I don't want to hear sappy sentimental stuff, just some advice and support. Have you all got my back? What do you think I should do?

Saddo_in_Stilettos_22

[Maui757]

Hi 🙂

First of all, you said you feel bad when you forget about your Dad occasionally, like when eating your dinner. In my opinion, this is completely normal! No one can have someone else on their mind 24/7, and this isn't a bad thing. Other things occupy our minds, and keeps us busy. Sometimes it's actually a good thing, as it helps distract you from the pain you feel from missing someone, and helps keep your mind healthier and happier. When you're in this healthier mindset, it is then easier to think "I know I miss this person, but I will see them again soon". If you're not going to see them soon, you can at least organise to talk to them soon - I'm sure your Dad misses you too!

As for getting yourself healthy and happy again, it's probably going to take a little bit of work.You're missing your Dad, there are girls at school making you unhappy, and you're feeling lonely, so you're up against a fair bit. The first thing I would suggest is to reach out to someone. Whether it's your Mum, one of your close friends, or even a teacher you trust. The hardest part is the first step. In my experience, no one ever feels like the "right" person to talk to. It is incredibly hard to say to someone "Hey, I'm not doing so good and could really use your support right now". It's up to you who you tell, because you have to trust them. But you DO have to take that first step and tell someone. I think you'll be surprised at how many people would understand, your Mum especially. No doubt she is missing your Dad too, so it wouldn't be surprising if you told her why you're sad.

As soon as you tell someone, the world becomes a less lonely place. The thing I find that helps the most when I feel completely alone, is to message one of my "support crew" (friends or family that know about my depression and anxiety problems) and talk to them. It was really hard at first, but I'm at a point now where I have 3 or 4 people I can message and say "Hey, I'm feeling down again" and they're right onto it and helping me.

I hope this is helpful in some way, and I hope your situation improves. Just remember to look after yourself, physically and mentally, get enough sleep, eat properly, and do things that you enjoy!

Maui

[dragonflies]

Hi Saddo_in_Stilettos_22,

I know how it feels to have friends who are mean. Especially gossiping girls. I know what it feels like to be lonely and sad. I have the same issue with being unsure of how to get my mind, body and life better.

I can be here for you if you want to talk and share more. I am happy to listen and chat. To try offer my advice...

dragonflies

[Saddo_in_Stilettos_22]

dragonflies,

Thank you so much for your offer to chat, and I would love to. The same goes to you, if you want to. We’ll get through this together!

Saddo_in_Stilettos_22

[dragonflies]

Great 🙂 Thanks.

What are some things you like to do?

Is there anything particular that upsets you that you'd like to talk about?

Are you close to the beach/warm weather? I find salt water really refreshing for my mind and body. Even just quickly jumping in. I haven't been in a long while though.

I always had such a hard time accepting myself, looks and personality wise. But overtime I was reminded and slowly learnt that you can be whoever you want to be, life should be fun right? And whats fun about hiding yourself and changing to try make other people happy. In terms of looks something that helped me get over some of my issues was to just say okay this is me and (as hard as it is) to overtime accept it and I think we can. I never looked at someone else and thought they looked bad. I just looked at the person as a whole, as they were and thought oh thats just them! I tried to remind myself that people looked at me that same way, flaws and all. It just makes us normal. No one is perfect, trust me...

Do you try to get out or socialise much?

hugs

dragonflies

[Saddo_in_Stilettos_22]

dragonflies,

I LOVE the beach too! The salty air, the cool waves, ice cream... (If my health freak mother allows it) We go there sometimes in the summer, but only if it isn't too hot. I love to sing, and I take lessons every week. I like reading too, and I can get through a book a day! I have a lot of friends, the only problem is, I don't feel comfortable telling them how I feel sad sometimes. So yeah, I go out with them and socialize a lot, shopping, movies and skating, that sort of thing. Thanks for asking! What about you?

Saddo_in_Stilettos_22

[dragonflies]

I love ice cream too! and chocolate and most things that are bad for you. Haha oh dear, at least she tries to get the good things into you!

Thats lovely, singing is very nice. I used to do a bit of singing but don't really like the sound of my voice anymore haha. It is good because you can literally lose yourself in it and just be concentrating on singing and it feels good. Also how songs can make you feel emotions.

Sounds like some intense reading! I wish I read more, I love it too. I have read a few books in the past month which is good for me. I get obsessed though and practically read cover to cover so I always need to wait for the perfect time to start one.

That is good you have close friends. I understand what you're saying. I never felt I could talk to them about when I felt sad either. I thought they'd think of me differently or treat me differently. But you know there could be that friend who only wants to help you, listen to you and support you in your times of trouble and you the same for them. You can be there for each other. Thats the good part about close friends... Takes a fair amount of trust for me.

My main person I confide in is my father. Secondly my sister, though I don't really like to talk to her because I don't want to bring her down. One thing my dad always taught me was friends and boyfriends etc will come and go but family will be with you for your entire life. You are related and will always have a huge part in each others hearts no matter what. I can imagine your parents would care for you so so much and love you no matter what (even if that seems untrue and impossible at times) however I think it is just inbuilt in a parents nature. If you feel confident enough and safe enough and you can trust say your mum, I believe it could be very helpful? To have someone who is always around to understand you and support you through low times. It really helped me. Some days my dad still tries to understand but all that matters is that he is trying. And that is enough for me. No one knows us like our parents do. Who else have been with us for our entire lives and seen us grow, mature and experience the world. I hope they can be there for you and maybe you felt like you can confide in them/her.

I believe it is important to have someone close you can talk to in times of strife. Makes all the difference. You shouldn't ever have to feel alone.

I just seriously LOVE my dog haha. And bed and netflix, don't go out too much anymore.

[Saddo_in_Stilettos_22]

awww thanks so much for that advice I really appreciate it! My mum always says that too- boyfriends and friends will come and go but family are always there for you. Do some girls be mean and snobby to you sometimes? In my school we have this little group full of happy with themselves girls, you know how it goes! We don't have netflix because our wifi's too bad.

My dad has a really influential position, and I miss him a lot. I feel too embarrassed to confide in my friends because they might think I'm showing off if I tell them.

I'm also questioning my sexuality. I've read books saying that you shouldn't make judgements like this early in your teenage life, but I'm really starting to think I'm bisexual. I sometimes like the way girls look, like some girls look at boys. What should I do? Just accept who I am and which sex I'm attracted to?

Thanks,

Saddo_in_Stilettos_22

[dragonflies]

Hey Stilettos,

Sorry for my late response. There you go! Your mum agrees with that and I'd imagine she would always be there for you, through thick and thin. It is reassuring to know your family is supportive and caring, in their own unique ways.

I've been through plenty of mean and snobby girls. Was involved in all those snobby girl groups where everyone believed they were better than others. So much so that in time I got fed up with drama, gossip, nasty remarks, secrets, manipulation, games and indirect comments. I moved schools in the end. Finished my last three years of senior school at another school. I kept my head down and focused on study. I was still part of that big group there but I made sure to stay out of any drama and not contribute to any nastiness. Worked out okay for me.

In saying that, I decided I didn't want to be part of any friendship group or develop close friends like I had before. I refused to put myself in that position where I could be hurt. So for the past 4ish years I've not had a 'best friend' or 'friendship group'. I stayed to myself... I know now that it's about finding the right people to befriend. Genuine people that, like me, can see past all the silly girl drama, people who aren't interested in being involved in that.

Feel free to confide in me here, if you feel comfortable. I know that feeling where it seems like people will think all you want is attention, when all we really want is someone to understand and care - someone to talk to.

I have often questioned my sexuality too. I feel the best way to go is to just be open to experiences and people, not to force anything or try to think a particular way/label yourself - just be you. I think it's good to not make any judgements about yourself yet, we still have more to learn and to develop as individuals. Think freely about whatever you feel you want to think about. There is no harm in that. I suppose it's good to be aware of what you feel and what you find attractive. I'm mainly attracted to guys but will imagine what being with a girl would be like. It's natural for us to wonder and be interested. Especially with how open everyone is becoming with sexuality and acceptance. Just let things unfold as they do. If that makes sense haha?

Any news on your end?

dragonflies