I had a crush on this guy at college i told him i liked him and we agreed to just be friends , at the same time he was flirted with me and acted different around me compared to the other girls in our group, he would do things for me even though he didn't want to do it , and the guys in our group were wing-men when it came to us hanging out so I knew they were setting us up all the time most of the time they would tell me they set me up, but we were actually pretty good friends. Anyway we didn't see each other for 2 years and in that time he said he wanted to catch up again before i went back, I didn't hear from him and we didn't end up catching up. i was back at college he wasn't and i was sort of moving on with another guy , one night i was drinking with the new guy and our friends and and he brought his ex to the party. i was so upset that i messaged my crush and he called straight away and he just calmed me down and told me to leave the guy and the party. and we talked for nearly 2 hours on the phone, he admitted to liking me back when and he wanted to make it up to me for not catching up in the first place. we were both tipsy but we both just wanted to talk on the phone. i admit i do like to message guy i like so this would've contributed to the problem, meaning i did message him a lot and he sometimes did and didn't answer. It comes to the end of semester and I'm happy to be going home and catching up with this guy, i was at a friends place when i got a bad feeling that he had disappeared of social media when i checked he was completely gone. nothing. literally ghosted. I didn't know at the time but when i returned to college and tried to work things out with the other guy only to find out he left college and wasn't going to return for the semester, i developed major depression, I drank almost every weekend, panic attacks, anxiety attacks everything, I couldn't sleep and eat like i was in a daze and I couldn't think anymore. I'm slowly recovering but cant help but wonder if i did something wrong, i feel i still have no closure about why he disappeared and i have this guilt over me like its all you , you did something wrong, and ill never know. i still cry because i actually liked this person so much, and compared to every other guy he was a gentlemen. This was the first time I ever experienced depression on this level. Apologies for the long Story. Literally feel lost.
