Lost & wanting to be somewhere else

[beca100]

Hello,

I have this problem where I really, really want to be somewhere else, living a different life and with different, more interesting, creative and supportive friends. I'm really lost where I am, studying law in a city I don't really like, and I have this dream of moving to Melbourne and being surrounded by lovely creative people and pursuing something I love, or just enjoying life before settling down. I feel like I made choices too young (at 18) and now I can't start over and have no idea what to do. Just wish I was living that other life, where I had moved to Melbourne and been surrounding by inspiring people in a cool place, not where I am today. I wonder if anyone has similar experiences of being unable to live in their own life because you feel like you should be living your potential somewhere else.

Thanks

[quirkywords]

Beca

Welcome to the forum, This is a caring, friendly and supportive place.

I think most of us at some time dream we are somewhere else but I guess you are talking about a very strong feeling where you feel dissatisfied with where you are.

Have you ever lived in Melbourne or know people who live there?

. In your dream would you still study law or would you have a different career?

If living in Melbourne is something you really want, can you go there for a couple of weeks and see what it is like in reality and not just in your dreams,

I have a friend who when she live in the city wished she was in the country as she wanted a peaceful slowe life. She when to the country for a fe weeks and found it was very different to what she had wanted and imagined.

We all make choices when e are young that we wished we had not.

I find this a very interesting question.

Is the wish so strong that it affects your daily life so much that you find it hard to cope it's everyday living?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Quirky

[Croix]

Dear Beca100~

I'd like to join Quirky in welcoming you here. You sound pretty fed up and full of regrets at the moment. Studying law is a pretty full-on and demanding occupation, and even with mandatory units from other disciplines can seem very focused, dry and repetitive.

Normally when one wishes for a big change like yours, moving cities and being surrounded by different people with different outlooks it means a couple of things. The first is obvious, you have an idea of a pretty good place to go to, but the other is that what you have now has problems that makes you want to leave.

Your life is basically one residence, one set of travels, one faculty in one uni and one set of family and friends (yes, I know I'm simplifying). A more modest change can make a huge difference. The people you live with, the location and environment you live in and so on. Even new after hours interests or a relationship.

Do you think there are particular things you can change in you current life that might make a real difference to how you feel without uprooting everything and starting again elsewhere? After all you have already invested a significant amount in your studies as an example.

I read you were saying you wanted to be with inspiring people and in a cool place. What sort of things would you think inspiring, perhaps something in the arts, music, drama or sports world? I'm guessing, only you would know. As for a cool place I'd be surprised if these were none closer to where you are now.

My answer to you probably seems rather dry and practical, however I'd suggest at looking at what you have now, its good bits as well as its bad, and seeing if you can make your life fuller and more enjoyable without the huge risk of relocating and maybe finding it is not all you dreamed.

What do you think?

Croix

[White_Rose]

Hello Beca

A third welcome to the forum. I won't repeat what Quirky and Croix have written other than to say I do agree with them.

One way of changing residences is to transfer to a Melbourne university and finish your degree there. No idea how possible this but worth a try. I do encourage you to finish your degree as you never know when it be useful, presuming you do not want to be a lawyer for a living.

Do you know anyone in Melbourne? It can be lonely to be somewhere and not know anyone unless you find it easy to meet people and make friends. One comment from Croix I will comment on. You want to meet inspiring people etc. Who do you call inspiring? I don't mean names of those you know but the sorts of people and their lifestyle and interests/work. Why not look for those people where you are?

Melbourne is a good place to live. I have family there, sister-in-law and son. I enjoy visiting and going out but I am unsure I would live there. Quirky's idea of a visit sounds good. Also looking at what you have now, from Croix. The other side to think about is what do you dislike where you are. How do you think that will change if/when you relocate?

We would love to know if these suggestions are useful.

Mary

[Guest_26697033]

i totally relate to you. I just brought a block of land in the country. I honesty hate the city life. to busy and just cant handle the fast pace anymore. I love my art too and being creative. It has taken me three years to say i dont want to be in the city anymore (perth). my friends moved on, and i feel i can do more for my community in the country as financal counsellor. So here in perth finish my course and head for country Morawa i love the people and fit in quite well. ther no real age i can say to you not feel this way i am 48 this year and brought first block of land now got my land i not like coming back to the city. i simply cant be bothered to make new friends and my family we not close and not feel reason to stay anymore. lot of negitive thing rather leave behind. not let other tell you what should do, do it for yourself. go exploring do things you want to do. not let fear get in the way if not right youll never be happy always do your best when your happy. i wish all the best i say go for it got nothing to lose!

[Daydreamer70]

Hi there,

First of all welcome! Second of all I love your submission as I think its a very common dilemma people in their 20s grapple with. I've also really enjoyed reading peoples responses to your submission. 

I myself have had this same dilemma. I was studying at university and wasn't enjoying it as much as I thought I would. Similar to yourself, I made the decision to begin my course at 18 years old. I always had the dream of moving to Scandinavia, living independantly and meeting new people. As soon as I finished my degree I moved overseas with a one way ticket with no real plan of returning. I lved the expeirnce, however fast forward twelve months later, I ended up moving back to my home city. This was for a number of reasons, but one of them being that the experience of living in my dream place was not entirely what I imagined it would be. I missed my family and friends and the stability of home. Now b eing back I see my city for how amazing it is, and I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. 

To summarise this experience, I don't think I would have come to this realisation without having moved away. HOWEVER, before moving I made sure I did the ground work in my home city (getting my degree done, saving money etc) to ensure some level of stability if things didnt go as planned. I think its wonderful you have these dreams and they are there to be pursued when you are young. However, finishing your degree and making sure you have some stability when moving is super important when making such a big life change. 

Hope this helps and good luck, keep on dreaming!!