Losing friends right before graduation

[Guest_45750091]

I’m currently in grade 12, and I’m graduating from high school next week. My friend group has had some issues for a while and I’ve considered moving to a different group multiple times but I’ve always been worried about causing drama and making school worse for myself. There’s previously been a lot of arguments, and no one is really supportive. They all gossip about each other but continue to pretend to be best friends. As I got closer to graduating, I was happy to wait it out and then begin to distance myself from them after we all graduate. However, a few weeks ago, one of the girls told another girl that I hated her (which I discussed with the girl and assured her this was not the case). But the girl ended up telling everyone that I hated her and I’d been so awful to her. Ultimately I messaged the group chat explaining that I was uncomfortable going to schoolies because of the drama, so I wouldn’t be going. This was completely ignored and in school none of the group would talk to me, even when I tried talking to them. Now I’m on better terms with some of them but I ultimately do not feel comfortable with them at all. I have formal and graduation next week and I really don’t want to go. I’m so embarrassed that this is how I’m finishing school. I also know that for multiple people to have an issue with me I must’ve done something wrong but I really feel like I haven’t. I also have my 18th birthday coming up and I’m so ashamed that I’ll most likely spend it alone. I want to try and become closer with some other people that I’ve spoken to in school, but I honestly don’t know who to trust because I know they’ll probably tell the group that I’m desperate. I know this won’t matter in a year, but right now I’m just so ashamed. 

[ABC01]

Dear Guest_45750091,

At the end of year 11, I realised my group of friends, were just a group of people who stuck with each other because of the situation we were in. 5 days a week at school. My friendship group disintegrated in term 4 of year 12. They openly gossiped about each other and were very mean on what they specifically picked on. Two of the girls only wanted to be friends with each other. I had a feeling that we wouldn't be in contact very long after school ended. We went to graduation, but didn't sit together. But I had a great night anyway.

Because it was MY graduation. I had earnt going to it and I didn't need them to have fun. I danced the night away and posed for pictures with my family, with my Certificate. If I look back on my pictures from that night, I am happiest with the ones with my family. I can only see one face of a person I still talk to now, and when we get the chance to. The others were a part of the experience of school. It is okay if they aren't a part of your experience after school.

Please don't feel ashamed. You haven't done anything wrong by all accounts. You have earnt your formal and graduation. Be proud of yourself and accomplishments. Enjoy them while you have the chance to enjoy them. Your 18th should be spent with people who truly matter. Family are equally as important as friends are. And no matter what you do on your 18th, it will be special because you are spending it how YOU want to and not to accommodate others.

School is hard to navigate socially, but as you said, in a year this won't matter. Please don't be embarrassed about finishing school like this. I think we all navigate leaving high school in different ways. Some think about university or tafe, others think about getting a job and others are just happy to be free.

I was right, by April I had stopped speaking to that group of friends I had spent 6 years with. I didn't care.

None of them came to my 18th. I also didn't care. I had a great 18th without them. Partly because I choose to. And also because I spent it like I wanted to and didn't have to pretend I was something I wasn't.

Congratulations on your graduation. You get the choice on how you want to spend it. I hope it is everything that you want.

I hope you have a great time,

ABC01