Loneliness + PTSD + stesss

[bam_and_i_will_be_gone]

hey everyone, im new here; im glad I found a forum where i could talk about this because number of people I trust is limited. First of all, I had a good friend of mine moved away recently, I know i can keep in touch with them through social media but they have left to start a new life away from something that was at my school, I cant go into to too much detail, but essentially, ive had to let go of a friend I really loved, and ive taken it extremely hard.
A while has passed and ive been pretty stressed about school, im under a lot of pressure to do well, and i must admit, im trying my best.

But the thing that is dragging me down the most is the mental damage done to me from past tings that have happened to me in my life. Ive personally been neglected a lot in my home life (I dont want to go into too much detail) and of course, ive been a victim of school bullying, so I guess I require love from other to replace what I didnt get as a child (this is going be what a previous counselor has said, shes not wrong I guess) and because of this, I become very attached to people (remember my friend that moved?) It takes me a long time to process the loss of someone.....or the thought of being rejected.
Well, I've fallen for a male friend of mine (im a female, by the way) and im really putting my self down for it. Im TERRIFIED to talk to him, ive never used "Snapchat" before but I downloaded it just to make things a little easier for me. The sort of thing that I fear most is him being "freaked out" if he found out I liked him, (unintentionally) annoying him, etc. Or more distressingly, or being treated in a way I have been in the past.

I don't really like advice such as "Youve got a good chance with (his name), just talk to him, get to know eachother"
It doesn't really help because I do really doubt myself, i dont feel attractive or interesting at all.
I know my situation doesnt sound so bad, but ive left a lot out that I dont want to share yet.
I hope at least someone out there has some advice

[LavenderTea]

Hey there,

Firstly, thank you for joining the BeyondBlue forums. I am new here too! I’m glad that you’ve found some way to express what you’re feeling right now.

I understand how difficult it is if someone important in your life has moved away, and even though you can still keep in contact with them, it’s not the same as seeing them every day at school.

School can be very tough – you have pressure from teachers, parents, and even yourself sometimes – but you say that you’re trying your best, which is fantastic, and it’s all anyone can hope to do… you rock!
It sounds like you’ve experienced a lot of pain and loss, I’m sorry to hear that. It also sounds like you find it very hard to get close to people or to trust anyone as a consequence. You say that you’ve seen a previous counsellor – have you been able to talk about the mental damage that you’ve experienced with them before?

Falling for someone at school is scary and I completely understand what you’re feeling. It sometimes makes it harder when they’re someone you’re already friends with. It’s okay to be terrified to talk to him. Starting a conversation through social media is a lot less scary than starting a conversation in person, so it’s a good choice – I do just suggest caution with what you’re sharing – but chats in snapchat can be helpful and less confronting.

If you don’t want him to find out that you like him, he doesn’t have to know until you’re ready. People can “freak out” sometimes when they find out these things, but it can happen because they don’t know how to respond in the moment, not because of you. But, he doesn’t have to find out straight away. If you’ve started talking to him on Snapchat, try to find some common interest – tv shows, movies, books, actors/actresses that you both find cool, any computer or console games – or even just find common ground about how stressful school can be, or what teachers or classes you might both like or dislike. It might then be something you can use when you do feel like you can talk to him in person.

Hopefully that is somewhat helpful, I’d love to hear more about your thoughts, and hope that school isn’t too stressful for you this week!