Feeling lonely and down

[Tom01]

Hello,

I am a 16 year old bloke and I think I might have depression,

Over the past 2 months, I have felt really lonely which may or may not have resulted in me experiencing 7 cases of sleep paralysis as of today. I have never experienced anything like this before and it has made me truly terrified at times. My sleep paralysis involved a dark figure staring at me from outside my bedroom window, and then at the end of my bed and then eventually, it would feel like he was hurting me. I have never been so scared in my life.

With sleep paralysis happening at night, day time for me is filled with loneliness and sadness. I often find myself surrounded by friends and family but feel like I'm not there and noticed at the same time. I could be consistently involved in a conversation with someone but still feel disconnected with them. When I am by myself at home, these symptoms are amplified and I have found myself crying on the floor more than 5 times a week. There are rare circumstances when I don't feel like this, but they are very rare and don't often occur.

I can distract myself for some time from these feelings by listening to music and playing guitar but it only distracts for so long. I also have two close friends who I genuinely feel happy with and when I am with them, its like I am no longer suffering from my mental issues. Unfortunately, they went away for the holidays which left me by myself. This resulted in me going to some pretty dark places.

I have only told one other person about this because I fear that people might not think of me as the same and might look at me differently or think I am attention seeking. The person I told, suggested that I should see the school psychologist to help as she thought that I might be depressed. So with some serious convincing from her, I went to see the psychologist and now I see the psychologist once a week and she also believes that I might be depressed. I haven't told my parents about it because I find it tough to talk to them about stuff like this but the school psychologist thinks I should so we can go to a gp and get some medication or whatever the gp suggests.

I would also like to let you know that I have no idea how or why this is happening to me. I have a good, close group of caring friends and have no family issues. I still am active and eat healthy and I don't really have any physical symptoms. I still play sports, and I am doing quite well at school.

So, I desperately need help,

Tom,

[manoody92]

Hi Tom,

I’m sorry you are feeling so down and lonely. I think your school psychologist is right. It sounds like you definitely need to sit down with your parents and let them know what is going on.

I too had depression for no real reason when I was in high school. I found as soon as I started to tell people close to me it started to create a support network.

Its also important to let your doctor know what you’ve been experiencing.

I hope you start to feel better soon. Just remember your parents love you, they are there to love and support you. Talking to them can really help.

Take care.

[LavenderTea]

Hey Tom,
Wow, that sounds really scary! I can only imagine how terrifying that might be for you – our bodies & brains can do some pretty crazy stuff sometimes. Not sleeping properly is really hard & can be an awful start to anyone’s day.
You say that you can sometimes distract yourself by listening to music & playing guitar – that’s a great start! Those things are important to hold on to. Are you learning anything new on your guitar?
I’m also glad to hear that you have some really good friends that you can feel happy around. Have you talked to them about how you’re feeling? It can be hard for guys to talk about this stuff, but it is really important for that to happen when you’re ready. You don’t have to sit them down & tell them everything to their face, you can go for a walk after school, or during your lunch breaks, even if it’s just around the school campus, and tell them that way. You don’t have to start by telling them everything either, just start small, it will make it a lot less daunting for you.
I’m sorry that you’ve had to experience those dark places when your friends went away, but hopefully this forum can be somewhere you can come to if that happens, so that you can know you are supported.
You’ve told two people now! This is absolutely amazing. It might not seem like it, but you’ve made the first step, & seeking professional help from your school psychologist is massive so GREAT WORK!
I do understand that it can be really hard to talk to your parents about this too. You do say that you don’t have any family issues so I am going out on a limb here & will say that your parents care about you & want the best for you. Some parents might find it harder to understand what is going on, just as you are finding it hard, so it might be helpful to talk to your school psych about bringing your parents into the school one day to have a conversation together – that way, the school psych might be able to help you explain what’s going on.
As for the confusion about what’s happening to you, not everyone can pinpoint what’s going on for them – you’re not alone. As I mentioned before, the brain can do some real funky stuff, & for some people it’s just a matter of there being a chemical imbalance. In our teenage years, our brains are changing & developing & an imbalance in some of the chemicals in our brain can lead to feeling depressed so I do really encourage starting that process of seeing your GP, because medication may help.
You’re doing a great job!
LT.