Living with a depressed partner...

[Jayden96]

Hello, I've never really posted on a forum before- I've never really read them either but I feel like I need some help with dealing with my situation as I'm finding it difficult to deal with.

I'm 20 and my partner is 21, we've been living with each other since we basically started dating 18 months ago - we have recently moved out with each other to our own place and it's going alright. Late last year my partner was feeling really down and went to see a doctor, they rushed him through appointments as he was threatening suicide - he ended up being "diagnosed" bi-polar and was instantly put on a new anti-phycotic.

This all happened very fast and I'm trying to keep up with it all. A few months went by and he started to believe what he was diagnosed with, I didn't believe it at first as the physiatrist only had 30 minutes with him and I felt it wasn't a very in depth consultation to label my partner with something like this.

Anyhow, the problem I'm facing is my partner believes there is nothing wrong with him although he's being ignorant to the fact of what's happening. Our sex life is non-existant and we don't communicate at all, even though I talk to him about it all the time. He's starting to say he doesn't love me anymore, then he does all of a sudden and all I'm trying to do is help him.

Im very lost and need some guidance... What do I do?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Jayden96,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. As someone who has both experienced and helped a partner through depression I can see both sides of the story and it's very hard.

I would really love to help but I'm just a bit confused; so I hear that your partner went to a psychiatrist who spent 30 minutes with him and diagnosed him as Bipolar - then prescribed an anti-psychotic. Was there any follow up? Has he been taking this medication?

I agree with you in that I'm very hesitant to believe psychiatrists when they make a diagnosis so quickly. Sometimes the DSM (Diagnostic Manual) can seem like a bit of a checklist, so it becomes less about what the person is experiencing and more about 'fitting in a box'.

You mentioned that you don't communicate but talk to him all the time; can you elaborate on that? What sort of discussions have you had?

Given my own experiences, saying that he doesn't love you anymore might be his way of coping. I know that many people can feel and believe that they're unloveable and not worthy of being loved; so it's a way to 'push you away'. Another situation is that he might not really be aware of what he's feeling, so if he's not feeling the way he used to (like a honeymoon love) he might be mistaking that as not 'in love' anymore.

I would also encourage you to consider seeing a psychologist;- as they can provide so much support in terms of being able to talk about things, find the next best step for you both, and cope with your own frustrations (like a non-existant sex life) without being judged. If this is not something you're open to, maybe you might just want to reach out more to friends and family; just so you can feel a bit more supported while you go through this together.