LIFE GETS TOO MUCH. REGULARLY

[Avocadooo]

So I'm new to this.. never looked for help in anyway because I never think I need it. I still don't think that I need help.. I don't even know why I am here, i guess I want to know if I do have some form off mental illness or if I just get overwhelmed with life on s regular basis.. I feel like I deal with a lot for a 22 year old.. I've been dealing with the same life since I was about 17.. my mum had cancer, I took care off her, I was pretty much her mother in the end, she acted irrationally & like a teenager I guess, so I was the one to always calm her down when I was the one who needed a mother.. she ended up passing when I was 19, I lived on my own for about a year and a half then moved back to my grandmothers bevause I had no one, I had moved into stayed with my mother before she passed because she wanted to run away from life and our family.. I'm now caring for my grandmother, sounds like an asshole thing to say but I'm dealing with her emotional life aswell as trying to put my own life together & on track. She always has a go at me because she thinks I never have enough time for her while I'm trying to work and earn money, plus live with my boyfriend spend time with him, then on top of that trying to have time for myself to relax, as well as sell a house I own interstate. I feel like I have alot on my shoulders and I'm honestly just sick & tired off it.. this is my life in a nutshell so yeah I dunno haha just giving a back story about myself I guess and the reasons why I feel like I implode every few weeks..

[sunnyl20]

Hello Avocadooo,

Welcome to the forums. I'm really glad you've felt able to reach out. I'm sorry to hear that things have been feeling so difficult. It sounds like you have got a lot going on and a lot on your mind.

You have put of lot of care, energy and time into looking after family members and it has understandably taken a significant physical and emotional toll. I would definitely get overwhelmed as well if I was in that situation, especially caring for your mother at such a young age, and not really feeling that you had any support. I think it is fair to say most people would find that very draining. Not to mention the grief of losing her.

You have got a lot on your shoulders! Is your boyfriend supportive? Do you feel able to talk to him about how overwhelmed you are feeling? Is there anyone else who you feel able to talk to about everything that is going on? Trying to fit everything in is difficult - and it is so important that you find that time for yourself to just chill out and relax, we all need it. Is there anything that you feel might help to change and improve things?

Take care.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Avocadooo, welcome.

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum, Grandma and the other things you mentioned. You're a good person looking after them. I'm sorry you have a lot on your shoulders, do you see a professional if you don't mind me asking? You would have to see a GP and/or Psychiatrist to get a diagnosis of a mental illness. We're here for you though.

[Avocadooo]

Thank you for the response,
In short yes I do get support from my boyfriend. He is absolutely amazing with support. But I still feel like he doesn't fully understand as his family situation is different (as is everyone's)
But I thank him all the time for helping me where he can. He even tells me he doesn't know exactly how I feel because he doesn't have this sort off life with his parents/grandparents. Even his mother, extremely supportive & helpful with everything. It just still all gets too much sometimes.. I've recently told work that I can't work as often as I need time to focus on getting my life together & when I say that I just feel like a burdon to work now.. work has lost its spark that it had 4 months ago.. I only do it for the money now not for the enjoyment as much..

[Avocadooo]

I haven't been to see anyone or get checked for a mental illness. I would like to but I would want to get it done by someone more professional than a gp. I done one a few years ago when I was 17, but it was just a sheet you tick off & they told me I was stressed.. it's hard to find good therapists/psychiatrists in the town I live in because we are a very country town so not much to help us down here.. I also think to myself alot off the time that they will most likely tell me what I already know.. to set good boundaries etc and to try take time for myself.. but I do that with my grandmother & work & I just feel guilty. My grandmother does understand and then just says "I feel like that aswell" and "I'll never get to see you then".. it just gets very tricky when I know I'm the only person that she has left.. with work I gave such a good impression when I first started & now that I have a good income I'm able to focus on things I've been needing to get done, but it builds up then I say I need less shifts & my boss makes me feel guilty for not doing certain things.. so I feel like no matter what I do I get a bad reaction anyway..

[sunnyl20]

I'm glad to hear you get some support from your boyfriend - it sounds like he is a real strength/positive in your life. Do you know what causes the guilt you feel around setting boundaries? I know it is easier said than done, but you do not need to feel bad for looking after yourself and enforcing those boundaries - you have not done anything wrong, you do not need to feel guilt around this. It sounds like cutting down on work is the right thing to do, especially if you are drained and really not enjoying it. It is great to look out for others and to be caring, but you cannot pour from an empty cup - you need to put yourself first sometimes and make sure that you are looking after yourself in order to help other people. I'm sorry to hear that your boss makes you feel guilty for not doing everything that they want... Does your boss know that you are a carer for your grandma? Is there anything that you are doing for yourself at the moment, things that you enjoy or help you to take and break from everything and relax?

Take care.

[Avocadooo]

The guilt is caused by the person. Not her pushing guilt on to me (or maybe she does) but because she is my grandmother & I feel bad for not being able to be there as much as she says I should be, But as I have grown up I have seen things in her, how she is towards other people, guilt tripping, over dramatic to get what she wants, so I get worried that she does that with me. so maybe she does push guilt on to me.. she always just says things in a way that makes me think she wants me to put her first before anyone, even myself, she always pick on me and says I always have alot to do, when I actually do! Everyday I live like a mother, cleaning a house, watching my puppy, working, cooking, laundry, gardening. (The cooking & gardening help me calm down) and it's hard because she is an elder so she thinks in a different way so will never understand as when I go to her and say I have an issue she just says "yeah me to."

[Avocadooo]

Yes also my work does know that I care for my grandmother but I don't think it's something they take in to consideration when I let then know things. I reckon it's something they forget about until I remind them.. so I don't think they really care..

[Avocadooo]

I just wanted to add this in because I went & seen my grandmother today & what we discussed has really stuck with me and agitated me.. She believes that I do not have past trauma from life because I am young & I can/should get over things.
My mother, her daughter, passed away while I was caring for her, I don't speak to my brother bevause his girlfriend won't let us talk & I have nothing to do with my father because he's an alcoholic who has never been involved in my life.
I will never hate my grandmother, because it's my grandmother & she has been through so much & loves me so very much but I just really dislike her as a human, as a person & the way she thinks..

[sunnyl20]

Hey Avocadooo,

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. It sounds like you do a lot of work for your grandmother, it is understandable that you are frustrated when she doesn't seem to appreciate all the other competing things you have to manage. And her dismissing your previous trauma as things you should just get over is pretty undermining and frustrating. While I don't know details, I cannot imagine how painful it must be to have little/no contact with immediate family, for whatever reason. I'm really sorry about what has happened for things to unfold as they have.

You are very articulate in how you write, do you find it helpful to get what you are thinking and feeling out into words in writing?

Please reach out at any time. I'm here to listen. I hope you can get some down time & time to yourself this weekend. Take care.