lacking lust for life

[BellaB123]

Hi guys，i have gone through depression，anxiety，chronic fatigue and an eating disorder in the previous years and thought I was over them，however lately I haven't been feeling so good.

I just finished yyear 12，and did really well，much better than I expected. Since then I travelled to Cambodia，with my sister and then alone. I ended up coming home early as I had been feeling seriously homesick to the point where the idea of staying the intended time kept me up at night and made me feel sick in the stomach. I didn't end up enjoying myself nearly as much as I had thought. Not sure why.

Since coming home I have had a lot of down time，where I have caught up with friends which has been nice， but apart from that and going to the gym have done nothing. And I have no motivation to do anything either.

I have often struggled with the meaning of life，and now I don't have year 12 to distract me it is coming up a lot. I feel no need to be alive. I wouldn't mind if I wasn't here. I don't feel a love of life. I don't feel any purpose. I don't know what I enjoy，and i struggle with overeating I think because of this.

I don't know what to do. I am feeling low in energy often，which makes me feel worse mentally as I don't feel good physically. Today I meditated and made a list of things to do. Since then I have just sat on the couch watching videos. I feel numb. I don't feel very wanted by my parents，they want me to grow up. I don't know what to do.

If anyone has any help or advice it is very welcome. Lots of love to you all，i hope you are doing better than me. Thank you in advance

[Zeal]

Hey Bella B,

Welcome to the forum!

Thanks for explaining your situation well in your post! Congratulations on your Year 12 high achievement!

Being alone in Cambodia would be challenging and uncomfortable for many people. I actually think being there alone was brave of you. I wouldn't go travelling alone like that, because of my OCD. I know I would find it overwhelming.

The fact that you mostly overcame depression, anxiety and an eating disorder is fantastic! I've had OCD/anxiety for 10 years, since I was 13. I am a bit treatment-resistant with my OCD obsessions and compulsions (aka thought patterns/behaviours), which centre on my fear of germs and illness. My intense vomit phobia feeds into this. I had an atypical eating disorder at 19, which I spent two months in hospital for. It was this and studying two intro psychology subjects at uni the following year (2013) that helped me realise I wanted to study a psych degree. In November last year, I completed a Bachelor of Psychological Science. I hope to study postgrad counselling this year, so I can eventually work as a Counsellor. Without my personal difficulties with mental illness, I wouldn't have the same perspective and yearning to help others who are struggling.

I just wanted to say that it's okay to not have your life sorted out. I'm 23, and I have never had a full-time job. I've volunteered since I was 21, which has been a great experience. I've also babysat since after high school, though I don't do that much now. My advice is to talk to close family about what you're going through. If not for the support of my parents, recovery would have taken longer. Like you, I also didn't feel like I had a purpose or direction after I finished Year 12. I overate and binge-ate a lot, and I hugely lacked energy too. My Mum took me to a naturopath because she was concerned about my energy levels. He suggested I go off certain foods and eat a certain way. After I don't know how many sessions, I started doing 'well' with the eating plan. I was happy that I was 'in control' of something, and this eventuated in me becoming severely underweight.

It's important to make an appointment with your doctor (GP) to discuss your current mental health.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[MsPurple]

HI Bella. Congrats on finishing year twelve and going traveling. I know how anxiety can flair up especially in an unknown place. I know you went home because you were anxious but it was still a big achievement to manage going and staying their by yourself.

Zeal has offered some great advice and you both have shared so I thought I'd add some too. I am 25 yo and I have had OCD, an eating disorder (EDNOS anorexic type). I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager. But I was ashamed for too long about my mental illness. I became unwell and it got worse to the point I struggled to function properly. I went to headspace because I didn't have a GP and wanted to get help through a mental illness focused place. It worked well for me but it did take a fair bit of time. It is still a work in progress but I am better now than I was at my worst (even a rough day now was better than a normal day back then). I am 25 and working casually, I do have a degree but I am not working in my exact field. I am even considering applying for other work areas. Just try not stress too much on career, even older people still aren't sure.

I wanted to ask have you told your parents about how you are feeling? Maybe this would make them understand why you are acting a certain way. I find I get low energy, thoughts of 'why am I here?' 'would it be better if i was no longer here?', I struggle to have a deep sleep, I can't concentrate etc. Once I told my parents what was going on (you can even give them some BB information to help explain) it they understood and tried to help and support me. They would do things to help distract me. In general they became more supportive.

All the things you talked about low energy and moods is normal for someone with a mental illness. So I agree with Zeal and suggest you go to your local GP (or go to headspace if you are not comfortable seeing your GP) and discuss your mental illness concerns. When you book the appointment at your GP make sure you book a long appointment as it generally takes longer than a normal appointment. You could also tell the receptionist saying you are wanting to book a mental health plan appointment. This way the doctor knows why you have booked to see them and it can help make the appointment go smoothly (some people don't know how to bring up a mental illness concern with them, this way they can ask you directly and it can make it easier for some).

Hope this helps and makes you feel less alone