Intrusive thoughts

[Captain_f]

Hey Guys,

I'm a 21 year old male who suffers from OCD. I've had this problem since I was a young bloke and still carry this problem with me today. It all started when I was playing for my local footy club, a teammate of mine was diagnosed with leukaemia. One afternoon after school and I was having a hit of cricket with my next door neighbours and hurt my back and after hearing my teammate was diagnosed with cancer I immediately thought I had it too. I was a very healthy kid and it didn't matter what you told me 'I had cancer!'. Mum took me to the doctors and got me tested to show me that I didn't have it and even the doctor couldn't convince me that I didn't have it. Over time I grew out of it. Another time where I was controlled by my thoughts was when I thought I was gay and every now the thought still becomes obsessive to the point where I believe it. My most recent struggles however and what makes me worried sick out of the three is the thought about me being some sort of criminal. I have no attentions about being any of those things and the thoughts are so obsessive to the point where I believe I'm going to turn out like this person. I bloody love my family/friends and I want to live a happy life but having these thoughts sky rockets my anxiety and depression because I know that's not what I want to turn out to be nor have these sick thoughts ruin my life. Any help would be much appreciated!

[Sunshine85]

Hey Captain_f, I also suffer from intrusive thoughts and have been seeing a therapist for the last 2 months for unwanted thoughts and images related to me comparing myself to paedophiles. Phew, that was hard to write. This is my first post on here! Even though I know I'm not one and the thought makes me sick I couldn't help but think that if I was having these images/thoughts, it must be who I am. Which couldn't be further from the truth. I'm a loving, caring 29yr old female who has a healthy relationship with her partner and adores children. I had to start having congenital behavioral therapy because I would end up in cold sweats wanting to lock myself away from the world because I didn't trust my mind. The thing is, these thoughts are often related to something else and we mistakenly and incorrectly match them to the wrong thing or in my case, our worst fears. I commend you for coming on here to voice your fears. It's such an unbelievably terrifying thing to go through but you are not alone. There are plenty of us that have these thoughts and that's all they are, just thoughts. I've found my counsellor to be my saving grace and also found that letting those thoughts run through your head and being mindful of not reacting to them makes them less powerful. For me, just imagining I'm sitting back and watching them without judging myself helps immensely. I've struggled with depression since I was a kid and did not feel safe as a child so I think a lot of it is linked to that. But a lot of the time the thoughts I have aren't linked to anything in my past either. I think sometimes those with such an active imagination (which is a great thing!) are more susceptible. Being able to talk about it now on forums and to my therapist helps me to rationalize why the yucky feelings and thoughts are occurring. And doesn't make me feel so alone or crazy knowing other people go through this. I'd love to hear from anyone else with the same experiences. Keep your chin up Captain_f and I recommend CBT as it's really helped me. 

[white knight]

Hi Captain,

I have little experience with OCD in particular.  However the mind not being focused is what I have had happen.

I went through a stage in my life when my thoughts and therefore my actions were not realistic. In fact my therapist, when listening to my blurbs, would say "are you being realistic". My mind was wandering all over the place.  Eventually it made sense and I ask myself this question regularly. The mind can play these tricks. As a young boy I did have one belief...that I would one day lose my right arm.  This came from my uncle that didnt have a right arm - I think.

I do think therapy would be good for you, I really do. It helped me. If you cant afford this treatment then reading on the internet will be a good plan.   Good luck

[purelight]

Dear Captain-f,

I hope you are still watching on line. As a fellow ocd'er I know the sorts of things you describe. OCD Strikes where it hurts most. If you have intrusive and unwanted thoughts it's always about things that are abhorrent to you.Have you been to a psychologist or psychiatrist? You need to make Appointments to see both as they will help you enormously. You don't mention whether you are on any medication. ie antidepressants. I have had ocd since childhood and have been through a rough patch lately. I can just feel that things have started to improve. Please get back to me if you want to know more about my journey.

[Sea-n-sky]

Hi there Captain,

I have just read your post .

I don't know much about OCD in fact I'm not even sure of what it stands for but I assume it is obsessive compulsive disorder.

I note that at the start of your troubles you were a bit of a sporty type, football, cricket etc.

Are you still actively involved in those sports today ?

I sure hope so, especially if you enjoyed them back then, and for some reason you are not actively involved in them today.

I too in the past have sometimes had a feeling that its a bit of a crime just to be ill in Australia. It is just a feeling though - but it can be upsetting, especially if you allow it to be, and sometimes it's difficult not to, especially if you spend a lot of time on your own.

It seems to me that you have clearly identified the things really important to you i.e. your family and friends. 

That's surely of paramount importance - other thoughts are just that - thoughts and no more. 

Purelight has said in his reply:- " If you have intrusive and unwanted thoughts it's always about things that are abhorrent to you."

I reckon purelight is absolutely SPOT ON.

Stay active in the meanwhile - Kick a footy ball about ,  knock a few boundaries,  practice your bowling,  those sort of things should help, whilst you are waiting for  help from a specialist.

Its the best I can suggest .

Good luck, and try to keep smiling.

LAUGH AT IT TOO  - if you can, because when you can, its the greatest cure of them all - I reckon.

Sea-n-sky

[Makeithappen]

Hi guys,

 I know your pain. My intrusive thoughts relate to an obsessive fear of losing control and hurting someone else. My worst fear is hurting someone else so unfortunately my anxiety has culminated as such. Every day I live my life I do so aiming to always make others happy and i'm a vegetarian - just some points of how harmless I am. I was working as a nanny for a baby overseas for 5 months and unfortunately the thoughts started there. I was so worried about hurting the baby it became an obsession and snowballed into worrying about hurting others too even though in all these months I never did and never would.

The hardest part of this for me is that I never in my life would act on these thoughts but the anxiety makes me feel like they are who I am. I don't know how to get out of the circle of vicious thoughts that I experience. I am such a kind and loving person and the thoughts tear me apart.

These thoughts make it hard to function on a day to day level and make decisions as I always worry that whatever decision I make I could end up hurting someone or doing something wrong. It is debilitating. 

I have started to write an essay about how thoughts are only thoughts and it's really helped. But i'm still struggling. Any advice is really appreciated