I want to change schools (but it's complicated)...

[safetypecans]

I'm really unhappy at the school I attend and I wish I could change, but the only other school I can go to is too far away.

Currently, I am living with my mother on weekdays and with my father on (most) weekends due to my father moving about 2.5 hours away from my mother, school, sister's school, etc. My father has brought up the fact that he would love for me to move in with him, but that would mean either travelling 2.5 hours via train every morning and evening or changing schools. At the school I attend right now, I have no friends, the teachers are terrifying, and it focuses on creativity and art (whereas I would rather focus on academics). My anxiety and depression have both skyrocketed since starting at this school and I hate it. It probably seems easiest to just change schools and move in with my father but there are a few things stopping me. If I were to move, I would never see my sister or mother, I would either have to change therapists (which sounds terrifying) or travel 2.5 hours and probably be late every appointment, and meet an entire school of new peers and teachers (which sounds even more terrifying). No matter what I do, I will be extremely unhappy and filled with anxiety.

Help!!

[Jessicatherese94]

Hey safetypecan, welcome to the forums! Can I ask how old you are and how long you have left at school? It's hard when you're not enjoying your time at school (I never did). Is there any way you could strike up a conversation with anyone in your grade? Do you do any activities outside of school, like play a sport? (that can be a really awesome way to meet people). It sounds like you have a good relationship with your therapist, what have they said you should do? Have they given you techniques to help you with your anxiety/depression? You have lots of options here which is great. If you changed school you could always visit your sister/mother on the weekend, and sometimes a fresh start and meeting new people is exactly what you need. Hang in there, things do actually get better. As someone who hasn't been in school for about six years, life can change in ways you could never imagine once you've finished there.

[MsPurple]

Hi Safetypecans and welcome to the forums. Jessica has given you some really good suggestions.

I moved schools when I was in year 9 and for me it was beneficial. I was in different circumstances to you. I moved due to my school being small and wanting more subject choices (as well as wanting to move on to new friends). If you were to move schools would you live with your dad or travel? I would let you know that the travel would have a huge toll on you and probably wouldn't be beneficial. You need to ensure you get enough sleep and have time for homework and other leisurely activities.

The idea of changing schools, moving towns, making new friends and living with your dad instead of your mum can sound overwhelming. And I can't tell you which decision is the right one. I find that it would be good a good idea to discuss your concerns about school and your thoughts about moving with them. They can help rationalise it because they will know more about the situation and your feelings about it (remember on the forums we are peer support and we can't see body language and tone).

With anxiety we tend to over think and anylse everything. We worry about worrying. It can be a visions cycle. It sounds like you maybe going through this cycle and down the worry road and self doubt by looking into change schools and your living situation. This may not be the case but I worry about my choices and whether I should change so many things.I find meditation helps me stop my racing worries and racing thoughts

hope some of this helps

MP

[MsPurple]

Sorry I just noticed I an error in what I said. See below

The idea of changing schools, moving towns, making new friends and
living with your dad instead of your mum can sound overwhelming. And I
can't tell you which decision is the right one. I find that it would be
good a good idea to discuss your concerns about school and your thoughts
about moving with your therapist. They can help rationalise it because they will
know more about the situation and your feelings about it (remember on
the forums we are peer support and we can't see body language and tone).

[geoff]

hi Safetypecans, I wouldn't suggest travelling 2.5 each way to school, it will become too exhausting and very monotonous and something which you won't be looking forward to every day, simply because the number of hours left alone is only going to make you think and at the moment these could be only negative thoughts.
If this school focuses on creativity and art and not on academics which is what you like doing then it doesn't seem as though you'll be too happy, so at the moment everything seems to be pointing towards living with your dad, however to change therapist is a no and you can't be sure that another one is going to replace the one your seeing, so that's a 50/50 decision.
Don't forget that your sister and mum can meet you half way or even come to a park, coffee shop where you live, so it doesn't have to be entirely on you to go back home.
I think your age is important here so if you could let us know.
My twin and I had to change state schools as Mum and Dad were building a new house back in the 60's but we had to repeat a year for a reason, which I can't actually remember, but the two of us stuck together all day until we finally felt comfortable being on our own.
There are plus and minuses in what I've said, but it would be great to hear back from you. Geoff.