Friendships

[daisyqueen]

Hey everyone. Hope you're doing okay.

I felt like I needed to vent a little and ask for some advice.

Last weekend, some friends and I organised to go out and do something together in the city and none of us really knew where we were going, aside from one friend that I had been talking to about the entire plan. She dropped out and everything basically fell apart. One of my best friends got all angry and annoyed at me (?) for this and I snapped back at her. Keep in mind I had kept my patience up until that point with her snipey digs but I couldn't take it anymore and my temper got the best of me.

I apologised to her, but I go no response and am blatantly being ignored.

I don't have many close friends aside from the one I'm fighting with, and a mutual friend who doesn't want to get caught in the crossfire.

What do I do? I'm feeling pretty upset, and lonely at the moment 😞

[White_Rose]

Hello Daisy Queen

Welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a good place to talk about those matters that hurt and upset us.

Not being there when you had this conversation makes it difficult to comment. Maybe the snippy friend thought you knew all the details of the outing from the person who eventually dropped out. It's disappointing when you believe you are going somewhere and enjoy yourself and the whole event collapses. It may be this friend was so upset she vented her disappointment on you.

Whatever the reason two people have stopped talking and you feel distressed by this. You have apologised but she cannot see past her feelings. Perhaps wait a couple of days until your friend has had time to get over her disappointment and irritation. Then you could have a chat about what happened. It would be a shame to lose the friendship of someone you care about because of a few hasty words.

It's not usually a good idea to ask another friend to mediate. As you say, they often get caught in the crossfire and become more hurt than of you. It's now school holidays so the opportunities for seeing each other have been reduced. Sent your friend an email of phone and suggest you meet for a coffee or some similar outing.

Keep talking. While you are talking there is always the possibility of reconciliation.

Mary

[Sophie_M]

Hi daisyqueen, welcome back to the forums.

We can see you've started a few threads over the last  few months, but haven't returned there to reply - a number of our members have reached out to support you and are waiting to hear back from you.

When you're next on the forums, it would be good if you could take the time to pop a reply into those threads.  Members will be discouraged from replying in the future if they don't get a response from you when you've asked for their advice.

Here are the links:

Commitment

Starting school again

[daisyqueen]

I have replied, and am sorry I didn't do so before!

I didn't know where to find my original posts as they got lost in the forum list.

Sorry 🙂

[daisyqueen]

Thank you Mary for your reply. Terribly sorry mine is so late.

Things still haven't been sorted out with that issue.

I apologised twice to her and received no reply. She sent me a text last night which hurt me deeply to the point where my mental state has been knocked down. I've been beating myself up, thinking that it's mainly my fault for not being a better friend and ditching plans.

I ditch plans because I never feel up to going anywhere when the day comes. It makes me feel terrible.

I'm yet to go and see a psychologist to see if they can help me at all.

Thank you again.

[White_Rose]

Hello Daisy

Thanks for your reply. No need to apologise for a late response if you feel you are not up to it.

I'm sorry your friend was unable to meet you half way. That's what friends usually do. Sad to say your friendship has collapsed but don't take all the responsibility. You have apologised once, twice was unnecessary. Friendship is about accepting the other warts and all. I would like to turn your sentence round, thinking that it's mainly my fault for not being a better friend and ditching plans. Well not if being a better friend means taking taking responsibility for what seems to me to be a small event. And in fact I suspect you take responsibility for everything that goes wrong in that friendship. Your friend, or ex friend, knows how difficult it is for you and decides it's a good excuse to break the friendship.

Have you made an appointment with a psychologist? I think you will find it helpful to chat with a psychologist. All the goodwill in the world will not help you get well unless you take that step, make an appointment and turn up. I know you get anxious but this is one time to gather up all your courage and go.

I will look at your posts as Sophie has provided the links.

Mary