I shouldn't be worrying but I am

[Liam007]

Hi all, sorry to write a big story. But something happened recently and I have to get it off my chest

So I got my end of Year 11 school reports yesterday, it was something I was fearful that I was going to get awful scores and comments. Because I'm fearful of being laughed at or rejected when I participate in class, I just sat there quietly and said nothing. The end of the lesson would come and I would be standing at the door shaking and consistently checking the clock on my insulin pump preparing to power walk out of there.

So I was worried that my report would be poor, I can't build the confidence to tell any teachers at my school that I'm having problems with anxiety, sadness and just feeling rubbish I should tell them but I can't get the confidence to do so. The only time I even came close was when my Visual Arts teacher noticed I looked worried for no reason, I told him but that was as far as I went.

Back to the report, it was okay. I'm basically a middle ground student. Since my last report my rank in the class has either:

Not changed at all or gone up (in good way) one or two places.

This should be a sign to me that I'm not doing that bad and that I'm okay...but I feel like I did far worse. I got good comments on class participation. If feel like I barely did that. Another teacher said that I could thrive in the creative arts area, an area which I'm seriously worried I should give up...feeling the way I am, I think it's a bad idea to follow it. I used to love it..but I don't know what happened. I don't want to quit but I feel like it's a bad idea

I just can't stop worrying about it...I shouldn't be worried. I didn't get comments like "behaves inappropriately" or anything. But I still feel like I messed up.

I'm constantly worried that I look:

• Rude and disrepectful
• Dis-honest
• Unsympathetic
• Lazy

I can't tell if I'm just nervous for Year 12 or just that I feel like good comments about me are exaggerated.

School reports are tricky for me. I feel like I messed up but others view me differently and it confuses me to no end

I worry about my personality, attitude and appearance all the time.

[white knight]

Hi Liam,

Ok. A highly qualified engineer stands opposite a building that is classified dangerous. He thinks for 10 minutes about the poor brickwork and the bad lean the building has. During this time he plans engaging demolition experts, temporary work etc.  Then he stands there for a further 2 hours worrying about it.  What possible productivity does the worrying have? Answer

-zilch, zero, nothing....

He should have begun the implementation of his plans immediately.

And so lets go back to your reports. All that worrying has occupied so much time- for nothing. Your brain is still developing. You ahve an opportunity to get out of this worrying waste of time thing and focus on just doing your best in class and your studies.

Finally, there are so many famous creative people that have done arts in history. Van Gogh, Steven Fry, etc google "famous people with depression" or bipolar etc. The list is massive.  So your natural talent in the art....doesnt surprise me at all.

Me, I'm a poet. Others are actors etc.

Worry is non productive period. And is likely one cause of strokes.

[Liam007]

Hi White Knight,

The story about the construction worker was interesting, I will keep note of that.

I guess I should have explained a bit better.

I feel like the problem is that: I think I'm doing poor whilst the report says the opposite. It says the exact same thing as the start of year report back when I was feeling confident and eager to demonstrate my skills. But recently I've been hiding myself away, and the card has little to no differences. Therefore it makes me feel like my attempts to be more confident and out there really didn't matter

Sorry for the negative reply, hopefully that explains the situation a bit better.

[white knight]

Hi Liam,

I think you might be reading into things too much, dissecting things,,,,this is what worry does.

You are expecting your reports to be different. That means you are expecting teachers to "notice" changes in you. Yet, you know that there are a few hundred students and as a father of a teacher, they are extremely over worked with out of classroom reports, and paperwork to fill in.

What worry does, is it stops you from laughing, remembering the last time you laughed. The average student that expects their marks and report to be bad and gets a good report would be over the moon, yet you are concerned as to why they missed something????  This is odd. It is a direct reflection of your degree of worry over stuff that you shouldnt worry about.

[Liam007]

White knight,

You're totally right. Thinking back unless I got N-awards or warning letters then I shouldn't have worried. Thanks