I need help, but I can't be bothered to find it. Please motivate me!

[jembo]

I would not say that I am stubborn, but it really depends on the day. Usually, I can adapt to what other people want with minimal complaints. Last week, a friend of mine lost their father. They did not have a very close relationship with him, but I can tell that it still affected them greatly. I am very worried for them, but I know there is not much I can do about it other than be supportive and give them space when they need it.

I am really stressed out about their situation as well as studying. I am also pretty upset because we are discussing refugees and asylum seekers in my classes and there was a speaker who shared their story about how they found refuge where I live. I am a rather empathetic person, so I have been crying about it all day. 

Our head of year always urges us to come to her if we need help, but I do not like talking about my problems in person because all I do is cry. The same is with my parents. I am very sensitive, so sometimes I can't tell if I'm really struggling or just being dramatic. Depending on the day, I believe one or the other. I want to find help (either from my head of year or a professional) but I simply do not have the time or the confidence to do it. I can not bring myself to talk to my school's counsellor. I do not want to talk to my friends about it because we are currently helping our friend who is struggling much more than me, and I would hate to make this situation about myself. 

Is this me being unmotivated from stress? Do I have social anxiety? Do I have another type of mental disorder? Did I just have a bad day today? I hope that somebody has had the same experience as me. Please motivate me to see a professional — and AI will never be an option for me. That's a robot. Thank you for reading, and please help!

[Rustyswingset]

Hi jembo, I don't really know enough to say what is going on for you, I will tell you school counselors in my experience can be a hit or miss, I was depressed (undiagnosed at that point) and she went on about 'staying positive' and really seemed to just care about my school grades being affected. I guess what I'm trying to say is even if you didn't have any mental health issues, it's your life and you deserve to feel like it's worth living. I don't think theres a thing as just being dramatic- crying is literally your bodies way of self soothing. So if someone, parents, friends or teachers tell you that you're okay or you should be okay, that doesn't mean it's true.   Also the way you talk about yourself kind of seems like you feel the biggest issue is that you're going outside of what people want/need/expect of you and I know frm experience its hard to actually accept, but you deserve to take care of yourself and be the person that you want to be rather than what others want. Your feelings dont have to be convenient, and if youmake others uncomfortable because you're not exactly what they want then maybe that's a sign you two don't click as well as you could.

Helping someone grievewhile being not in the best place can be really tough too, in my experience the best thing to do is just hang around and show up even if you don't talk about it. Maybe you could go on walks in nature together, or do something the both of you have in common that doesn't take too much emotional energy so they can process and grieve and you can feel supportive in a way thats less pressure? If they don't want to be around others, just reminding them you're thinking about them with small gestures to make their day easier or sending photos of things they like maybe?

I can tell you a bit about the things that helped me stay afloat at school when I wasn't okay. Bringing a journal to school to write how i feel if i felt the need to cry in class helped me get it out, and I also brought sketchbooks and drew how i felt or just patterns- the drawings were a bit messed up but it really doesn't matter as long as it was good for me. Also taking walks to nearby parks after school and crying it out with music while on the swing or somewhere generally alone and in nature helped a lot, especially when I wanted to be away from family or people in general. I don't know about your school but my school nurses office was really a life saver- they let people lay down and have a milo or cup of tea and sometimes I could let it out there or just have a nap on really low energy days, that was like a breath of fresh air. school nurses have seen everything and even if you want to ask whether people are allowed to come in as if you're not asking for you, or when you feel overwhelmed during lunch periods you can go to test out how comfortable you feel around the nurses maybe try that. Other strategies such as hiding in the bathroom didn't really help, but I hope these might be useful at all while you're feeling like this.

sending lots of hugs ❤️

[Doors24]

Dear Jembo,

I think there is always a bit of fear to go and talk to someone when we are feeling overwhelmed. There is fear that something might be wrong with us. Or that we may be rejected or not believed. There can also be fear that our peers around us will tease us too. There can also be an aspect of being so tired, that if we talk to someone, we may have to do extra things in our lives. And right now, it may be the last thing you want to do.

Just the action of talking to someone once, may just be the release that you are needing. Could it hurt to try once? And will it be better then it is now?

It just might be who you approach to talk too. A safe person in a safe environment shouldn’t have the same judgement or interpretation that you are just a young person being dramatic. They should listen and hear what you have to say and offer small ways to help support you. It is also more than okay to cry when talking. It means that that subject is important to you.

Confidence can often come from practice. And who knows, maybe others around you feel the same as you and the head of your year, may have heard a few things that you have to say, many times before. 

I wish you good luck and it is okay to say how you feel.

Doors24