I'm so jealous and angry all the time!

[Will17]

Hi, I'm 17 years old and been dealing with depression for the past year or so. The one specific problem I have with this depression is an extreme jelousy of my best friend and an extreme anger and resentment towards my parents. My friend gets a lot of things...a car, a trip to America (he's already been twice), a new dog, a great atar (92) and his family is so much closer in general. I want his life but I know I won't have it and it makes me so sad. I'm so angry at my parents because all I want to do is learn to drive but they continually give me false hope. my dad is emotionally and can be physically abusive at times and he's greedy. My friends think that it's weird that my parents don't pay for anything of mine when I work hard to pay for my necessities at 17. My parents took me to therapy at a psychologist and a psychiatrist...nothing has worked. They say they can't afford to pay for my counselling sessions so they're not gonna bother with them anymore, I'm angry at them for being so selfish and everyday I have terrible feelings of hatred towards them and I lash out them through saying terrible things about them and myself. Also I haven't mentioned in gay, I have a girlfriend and the stress of telling her I'm not interested is hurting me as well, my mum knows and the best friend I'm jealous of but no one else, I hate this world as I feel everything is against me and wants me to not succeed, I went well in my atar (88) but I still feel inadequate compared to my best friend, it's always been like this and the problem is he's so likeable and nice it's hard to be jealous of someone like that. I've been to every type of therapy and counselling you could think of and been on many different medications but nothing has worked...words don't really help the low self esteem I have they just reinforce the insecurities I already had. I talk to the psychology and psychiatrists but they don't listen to my problems with my parents, I believe the problem isn't all my problem but some of which is my dads as well. I don't want to move out and I can't afford to do so. I don't know what to do, all i want is to have what my friend has but I know it's impossible and I don't think I'll ever be happy ever because of it...nothing has worked and all I see is more negativity and greater depreciation in myself and the relationships around me, someone please help me!!!

[White_Rose]

Dear Will

Hello. Welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good to post here and let out all your feelings. This is a safe place to talk and no one will judge you or be unkind.

It's very hard to have a friend who appears to have everything while you just watch from the sidelines. And even harder when your needs are not being met for whatever reason. Can you go to your GP on your own? Your GP is the hub of your medical care and holds all the reins in his/her hands. As a starting point it could be very useful to book a long appointment and explain all your feelings. Don't know if you have talked to your GP in this way before, but usually they are very good at listening. It is their job.

If you are unhappy with this GP, go to another. You are not limited to one GP only. Recently my GP has arranged for me to see another GP in the practice on different matters to those I talk about with my regular GP. But you can go to a different medical practice. If you do not know where to go click on Get Support at the top of the page then go to Find A Professional and look for a local GP.

Having a GP you feel confident about is the first very vital step. Since your parents are not in a position to help you, you will need to take on this responsibility for yourself. I understand how hard and hurtful this can be and I really would hope you could get more support. More of that later.

Your GP can arrange for you to see a psychologist where the fees are paid by Medicare. Alternatively you can see a psychologist, usually free or for a small cost, at organisations such as Salvation Army, Anglicare, Lifeline and Relationships Australia.  Have you ever talked to the Kids Helpline or Headspace? These organisations are specifically for people up to the age of 25. Again go to Get Support above and click on National Helplines where there is a link to these web sites.

Please have a frank chat with your GP as they have lots of resources to offer you. Get back to us here. I would like to know what you think of my comments so far. Do they sound OK? Perhaps later we can talk about managing to live with your family.

Mary

[Jacko777]

Hi Will17,

I hope you are going okay mate, Mary has some good leads for you to follow.

"All unhappiness is caused by comparison.' There are probably some other factors! It doesn't seem fair when our friends are getting stuff when we don't, the question is how should we respond. The anger you feel does not serve you, it drains your energy and you need it to enjoy the other parts of your life. I try to practice being happy for my friends when they achieve or receive, it is a separate issue to what happens to me. If I think I should be better off then that is my issue, I have to change my actions to have different results. 

Practice enjoying your friends' successes and hopefully he can enjoy yours, mates after all. We are all different, some are prettier, some are not, there is no point in getting caught up in comparison.

Jack