I'm not depressed but I am very lonely..

[FusionForce0]

Hey, I've never done one of these so I'm just gonna say right off, I'm not depressed or have anxiety I just m a very lonely person, I live with my partner and spend all my free time with her, though the rest of of time is working. I usually work until 9 at night so I never go out on the weekends, I don't spend any time with anybody, and I don't really talk to anyone except my partner. I don't have any friends that want to hang out so I spend all my free time at home, now it's not because Im bad at making friends, I'm a very confident person when meeting new people, I'm great at getting to know people but friendships struggle to form. If I go to make a new friend our conversations stagnate after a week or two and they eventually stop talking to me. And now that I look at everything I try to do all I see is the fact that whenever I do want to go and spend time with someone or make friends, my partner always has something planned because we work so much it's come to the point where I never bother leaving the house because when I get home she is sick or upset or soemthing has happened. My last real friend that I had over three years ago had been my greatest friend for almost my whole life and we only stopped talking when I ended up spending every waking hour with my partner, she tries to get me out to go and meet people but everytime I do go out she complains about having to be alone. And even all through this I can safely say I am not depressed though it may seem, I'm very motivated and I will reach my goals even if I have to live a boring life without friends, I need to prove to my family that I won't end up like them, and that's what keeps me going. I just find most of my days are spent in boredom until I go to work, which is now one of the only things I look forward to each day.

[therising]

Hi FusionForce0

Welcome, so glad you took this opportunity to reach out for friendly conversation.

I hear your frustration as well as your disappointment. It sounds as though your partner has appointed you the role of 'Someone who is there for them in every free moment'. This has obviously led you to dis-appoint yourself from being 'Someone who is free to form and maintain constructive friendships outside the relationship'. it is understandable that you are left feeling the effects of such disappointment.

In order for us to keep that enthusiastic and energetic child in us alive, I believe we need to add ventures to our life and our relationships. With adventure/recreation, we get to experience our re-creation or evolution on a regular basis. Yes, I do love playing with words, as playing with words can often put a whole new spin on things.

Finding a balance with your partner, involving re-creation time together as well as individually, would involve having a constructive conversation. Perhaps this could involve setting regular days where you are free to spend time with others (unless a crisis pops up now and then). You literally would be making an appointment to meet up with friends and you could encourage your partner to do the same.

Take care of yourself FusionForce0 as you negotiate adventure, recreation and a conscious sense of evolution (all food for the soul).

[White_Rose]

Dear FusionForce

Welcome to the forum. It's a good place to come and talk about your frustrations and any other worries.

I am a bit lost about your partner. She encourages you to go and meet friends but also complains she is alone. Is there a reason why you cannot go out together? You mentioned your partner gets sick which prevents you from going out. Is she unwell often? Sorry about the questions, I am trying to paint a picture of you.

I see therising has been chatting with her usual great insight. I do most heartily agree with her comments about keeping the enthusiastic and energetic child in us alive. Explore everything and remain inquisitive. This is a good recipe for staying satisfied and happy.

Being content with boredom may have no problems now but I wonder how much regret you will feel later on when you remember all your missed opportunities. I found my life difficult when I was with my ex, boredom being a huge problem. Since we separated I have been able to fill my life doing those things I enjoy, which includes writing on beyondblue. I'm not suggesting you leave your partner, far from it. I wonder why it is a choice between being at home with her or going out alone.

This is a short post (for me). I hope you can reply and we can talk some more.

Mary