I'm new here, need advice/help on anxiety

[anxietygirl19]

For as long as I can remember I've always been shy and quiet, thats just my personality but over the past few years I've developed some issues and I've never seen a doctor or counsellor about these feelings of anxiety because I'm too nervous to even make the phone call for an appointment to be honest.

I've struggled making phone calls/answering phones calls for a fair few years now. I get this really anxious feeling when my phone starts ringing or if I know I have to make a phone call to someone or even just phoning work is hard and thats a place I'm so familiar with. I've never understood why it's such a big deal for me, I am an adult now and my mum still has to book appointments for me etc. I feel stupid and hopeless and I know I need to overcome this fear but I can't, It's an overwhelming feeling that I get and my heart races. Can anyone tell me why I get like this ?

I also struggle answering the door, especially if its someone I don't know, usually I just don't move and I just wait until they leave.

I have also completely disconnected from my friends, and avoid going to parties and social events because I am always worried what people think of me and its easier to stay home, I'm comfortable at home and I like being at home.

I haven't got my license yet either, because driving makes me nervous and anxious and I doubt my driving skills. I sweat profusely and need to lay down after because I feel like I've done a workout or something. I was also hit by a car when I was 7, do you think this could cause a fear of driving?

 I was also bullied throughout high school and went through a rough time, I started to believe everything the bullies were saying about me and my self esteem is very low because of it. Its so hard to shake the feeling of not being good enough, I feel like I'll never be good enough.

I just want my anxiety, fears and repetitive thoughts to stop. 

[Beltane]

Hiya and welcome to beyond blue.

what you seem to be suffering is an anxiety illness. THese are really quite common- dont feel that you are the only one suffering this way as you are certainly not. There are many people, including myself, who can tell you that this feeling will not last forever, there are treatment options.

You ask "why do i feel this way". An interesting question doctors are still trying to pinpoint. There is a combination of chemical imbalances in our brains (so chemicals responsible for mood are often imbalanced in people with anxiety/ depression), lifestyle factors, ineffective coping skills or lack of coping skills, bad trauma in the past (like your car accident) or long term trauma and stress (like bullying in highschool).

So often because there are several causes of anxiety/ depression, there usually needs to be a few different types of treatment too. So lets say you might go on anxiety/ antidepressant medication to fix those chemical imbalances. You might make lifestyle changes, such as eating healthy, exercising, getting a good nights sleep every night, and finding new hobbies/ goals to enjoy. You might see a therapist who can help you learn new and more effective coping skills to deal with these awful anxious feelings you have, and help you overcome your past traumas.

There are lots of wonderful therapies. I used to be very much like you- so afraid of all sorts of things that i would get awful sweats, heart palpitations, even nausea and vomiting. This would happen over all sorts of things- at one point i couldnt even go to the shops to buy food, and i had several severe panic attacks every day.
One therapy i found very helpful is called "exposure therapy". it is often used in conjunction with other techniques- so you might learn some coping and relaxation techniques, ways to settle yourself down when you feel that anxiety building. Once you've got a hold of those techniques, you might slowly slowly start facing your fears a little at a time.

So for example, driving causes these awful symptoms. So your counsellor will teach you coping skills to deal with the anxiety, then you might face the fear a little at the time. You might start just by sitting in the car, with your counsellor there to talk you through how you feel. Then you might just start the car, but not go anwhere. Then you might drive on a very quiet back road... All the time using techniques to help you cope. Slowly your brain overcomes the fear.

Thats only one kind of therapy

[anxietygirl19]

Thanks for your reply 🙂

Glad to know there are other people out there that suffer in the same way.

Thanks for your tips and advice will try some of these especially the driving one, really need my license. 

[Doolhof]

Hi Anxietygirl,

I would like to encourage you to ask your Mum to make an appointment for you to see a Dr and ask your Mum to come to the Dr with you. Whether your Mum sits in with you at the consultation will be your choice, but if she is able to take you, at least you will get there.

Can you look up How to cope with Anxiety on the computer and get a few tips which may work for you until you are able to receive help and advice elsewhere.?

Stress and anxiety can be very debilitating, so it is important that you try to take small steps to overcome these issues.

Just had a thought regarding the door knocking. Could you ask your Mum or a friend if they could practise knocking at your door and you answering it. By doing this you could alleviate some of the fear and concern of answering the door.

Can you put a little peep hole in the door so you can see who is there before you answer it? That might help as well.

I hope you can find some answers and can start to overcome your anxiety. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools