I'm lost

thatgirl2 · ‎01-03-2017

Hello,

this is my first post here and I'm not really sure what to do so I'm just going to talk. I'm 19 years old. Every since I was in year 12 I've begun to pull back. When friends invited me out I would make excuses to stay home. I've always been shy, but it started to develop into something more. At the end of year 12 I went into a rut. I never went out... even if I had to do something like run errands I'd put it off and stay in bed. I was at Uni but decided I didn't enjoy it and tried to join the military like my parents.. I felt like a failure when I was rejected and my parents were supportive but worried about what I would do. At the time my mum was living in Canberra for work and commuting. She suggested I move to Canberra and go to Uni there. I said yes and was accepted. I started mid semester. And just like that I went from a Prefect in Year 12 to never showing up to university. I never wanted to leave home and didn't attend one lecture and hardly went to tutorials. I cried a lot and never made any friends. Then My mum moved back home and so I'm now left in Canberra. I have no friends here. I've made an effort to attend university and spoken to a few people but they all seem to have better things to do then hang out with me after lectures and tutorials. I'm scared to even talk to anyone in my residential building (who are all students of varying ages) and I'm starting to feel like I will never have any friends or any sort of a life at all. I'm afraid that I'll be alone. I have trouble being social and I've tried to talk to my parents but they think I'm being silly (I love my parents so much it's only because they are social people and don't understand what I'm going through) I'm too scared to ask them if I can see a psychologist but I feel like it's my last hope. I came on here to see if anyone could help me be normal because I'm so sick of being alone. All I want to do is go out and have fun and be normal but I feel like I'm locked inside my head and it's convincing me that I can't go out.

sorry for the ramble and sorry if this sounds pathetic.

that•girl

romantic_thi3f · ‎02-03-2017

Hi That*girl,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

I want to get to what you said in just a sec, but first I want to say that nothing you ever say here is pathetic. It's weird but I hear it a lot and I want to really emphasise it; you deserve to be heard. This is why we're here.

I'm sorry that you're having a tough time. It sounds like you've been kind of pushed and pulled into different directions and you've been trying new things and just haven't quite found your sweet spot. I'm really glad that you've considered and thought about seeing a psychologist and I agree that it's probably a good idea.

Given that you're 19 you actually don't need your parents permission to see a psychologist so if you're scared of asking them then you can go on your own. Would that be something that you are open to? Most of the time people can organise one through their GP. Other times and especially at Universities, there's a student support officer or a counsellor there who could offer you some help. I really encourage you to try; and I think that they'll be able to help.

If you can take one thing away from this post please let it be that things can be temporary. The problem with feeling low and lonely is that it feels permanent. It's not. It's hard and impossible to believe but tell yourself things can get better and you deserve to feel better.

thatgirl2 · ‎02-03-2017

Hi romantic_thi3f

thank you very much for your reply. It's nice to know someone out there cares.

i know that I can see someone without parental consent. But I love my parents too much to keep this from them. They are pretty much the only two people I communicate with on a regular basis, which I guess sounds sad but that's what it is. Do you have any advice on how to talk to them about seeing someone. Every time I want to bring it up I just get so unreasonably nervous (as I generally do when trying to communicate) and never say anything. All I want is to be able to be normal and I think going to a psychologist would help.

i have looked into the Councillors at my university but at this time of year apparently you can't get a place for around 8 weeks.

thanks

MsPurple · ‎02-03-2017

Hello that girl and welcome to the forums

Finish year 12 and trying to discover what you want to do for the rest of your life can be a daunting thing to deal with. Then having to go from hanging out with your friends at lunch time to having a different group of people in ever lecture and trying to meet like minded people can also be daunting. I know I struggled with it when I first started uni. To a degree this is a normal thing. It sounds like you may have some symptoms of social anxiety as well as some depression (note I am not a professional so for an actual diagnosis or professional opinion please see your GP). It is great you are talking to people and making the effort to make friends. It may seem like they may not be interested due to their lack of time to hang out, but I remember when I was at uni I had to work part time, complete uni assignments, go home some weekends and keep to family commitments. The first year is when you try find a balance in time and study and this maybe why they do not have time to hang out. Even suggesting going for a coffee between classes could be a good step. I think seeing a counsellor or GP and talking about your social anxieties would be hugely beneficial. They can help you reduce your anxiety in social situations which will allow you to open up and make new friends more easily.

I suggest you go to your GP and talk to them about your concerns. This can be a hard step to take but trust me it will be worth it in the end. If you struggle to bring up mental health I suggest you book the appointment for a 'mental health plan' this way the doctor will bring it up and you can go from there. Having a mental health plan will also allow you to get 6 psych sessions (which can go up to 10) in a year. If this isn't for you another suggestion could be to go through Headspace. I went through there. It is a youth mental health service which has GPs, counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers etc. I found it was really helpful and low cost. My mental health nurse also signed me up with disability services through my university. This service supported me through uni and helped me achieve my degree. It is something I think you should look up on your university website. Also as you are over 16 you don't need parent concent to see a GP or psych, just your medicare card or number (apply for your own as well). Due to strict confidentiality they are not allowed to tell your parents anything.

Feel free to ask me any qu

MsPurple · ‎02-03-2017

Sorry I only just saw your second message. Please disregard the part about parental consent in my previous message. When I first saw someone on my own, at first I didn't tell my parents. I then told them after my first session. You can ask your counsellor how to explain it to your parents. For someone who has never experienced a mental illness it can be hard for them to fully understand. But trying to educate them on it will help you build a stronger bond with them. I suggest going onto youtube and looking up videos such as ones from the 'black dog insitute' or by 'WHO' (world health organisation). There is a great one called the black dog by who that helps give a visual for those struggling to understand it. Once your parents understand it, they will be more supportive and will help you in this tough period of time. Trust me you also need to do this for yourself as well. By you helping yourself and getting the right support you will be happier and your parents will be happy knowing you are happy. All parents want (I am 25 and have no kids but this is what my mum says) is for their kids to be happy.

gld · ‎03-03-2017

Hi that.girl,

Glad to see you have taken steps to reach out for support, you are not alone and be kind to yourself when you are feeling so overwhelmed.

Visit the eheadspace website or call 1800 650 890, as this is a good organisation to find information and touch bases with people who could help guide you in the right direction. I feel the other community members have mentioned your GP could be a starting point to gain further support with other health professionals. I have taken this option and it has helped me greatly. I too find it difficult talking to people so i always write down questions and things i want to discuss as i tend to freeze and it seems to make health professional visits easier having something to refer back to.

You mentioned in your post your family are the people you have the most contact with and family support is an awesome thing to have. Yes sharing about your feelings is not always easy with your loved ones and i feel you show great courage sharing with others you do not know. Here i go again with my pen to paper thing, do you think writing it down in a brief note to the closest person you feel more comfortable with could be easier to break the ice. You could mention to them how you feel about how important it is for you to share this information with them and have their support.

When push comes to shove it is vital you continue to that the steps to improve your mental well being and work towards a place you want to be. I hold on to hope you will continue to become stronger each day on your new journey.

Look after yourself, be kind to yourself and keep on reaching out for the support you desire.

Gen [Hugs]

Ps You are not a failure you are just feeling very overwhelmed at this point of time.

romantic_thi3f · ‎03-03-2017

Hi That*girl,

Thanks for your post.

It totally makes sense that you want to tell your parents and it's a good thing that you want them to know and be able to support you.

That said though I think it can be one of the hardest things to tell people that you're struggling. I wish that there was a guidebook out there that had step-by-step instructions. If somebody made one they would make millions!

So here are a few tips;- hopefully they help but there's really no right or wrong way to go about it. There's also a few tip sheets online or forums of other people in your situation so that could be an idea too.

- Bring someone with you to talk to them. Sometimes it can help to kind of have that moral support there or even just someone to keep you accountable.

- Make sure that you talk to them at the right time. By right time I mean when they're home or not too busy. This way you can really get their full attention.

- Write down what you want to say. What are the key points you want them to know? How do you want them to support you? Many people may even choose to give their parents the letter or even read straight from the letter.

- Set the scene. Maybe this is over dinner, maybe this is out for lunch. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. For me that's around teatime because the TV is off and everyone is home, but everyone is different.

- Try to remember that they might actually know you've been having a tough time. They might just not have said it, or found words for it.

- Try to give them time to process it. People can react in different ways. Sometimes it can help to give them a little bit of space; in case they didn't actually know how you were feeling. I hope that your parents will be really supportive, but if they aren't that is okay too.

- Remind yourself why it's important for you to tell your parents. It will take a lot of courage, but at the end of the day you really want them to know. Sometimes it can literally be about feeling the fear and doing it anyway.