I'm depressed: it's an on and off thing

[Savi]

Hi, my username is Savi. (I don't want to put my real name on)

Lately I've been feeling really depressed, lonely and I hate myself a lot. I think it's because I'm not the person I want to be, I just think that I mean nothing to anyone and I feel worthless. I haven't told anyone except my friend who can't really help me, so I've been bottling up my feelings. I'm pretty young and I can't do anything about this. I think it has gotten to the point where I don't want to feel happy and loved at all. It's been a battle ground in my head and I don't know who can help me; so far I don't want anyone to know because I don't want their image of me ruined. Can someone please help me?

Thanks a lot

[geoff]

hi Savi, great for you to join us even under these difficult circumstances as it's always a hard decision whether or not you should post a comment, but finally at last you have, so good on you.
Friends are not normally able to help you because it's a topic that they don't feel comfortable talking about, which is something that will really disappoint you.
As I don't know your age I'm not sure whether you can see your doctor by yourself, but that would be your first port of call, but more importantly you won't be able to overcome this by yourself, because anybody who has depression, although I'm not qualified to diagnose you, it's such a task which we are not able to handle or overcome by ourselves, as it just lingers on and on, so that's why you need help.
The feeling of not being happy and loved is an awful stage for you to be in, so that's why we want to help you, so could you give us a little more information about what and where you are in life, at school, uni and whether you live at home with your parents, and I'm only asking for this because the more we know about you the more we can then help you, so look forward to hearing back from you. Geoff.

[Savi]

Thanks for responding, geoff.

I am currently at high school and I am living with my parents. My parents are the kind that encourage me to study hard, so it is really hard for me to tell them that I am suffering because I don't know how they'll react since I've never really asked them about it. I have talked to one of my siblings about it and my friend, which is OK I guess. My depression might be because of my mood swings, yes, but I think that sometimes it can get really serious. One time I cried for over an hour talking to the sky about really crazy things like living on the streets and stuff. I know one of my friends has depression as well and has attempted suicide (and lived, thank goodness), we can't really support each other because she is a bit hard to talk to since she takes things very literally and she's not the brightest I've met (my bad).

Thanks

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Savi,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out! I hope you like it here - at the very least this is a great place to know that you're not alone in what you're going through and you're very much cared about by the whole community.

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so tough; it sounds like these thoughts of feeling worthless have been getting you down a lot. Have you tried talking to your school counsellor about what's been going on? I think it must also be hard having a friend whose attempted suicide - I've had to go through that too and it's really rough because it affects everyone.

You said in your post that you don't want "the image of you to be ruined" - why would it be ruined? Feeling low or even being diagnosed with depression doesn't change anything about you; you're still the same you that you always were - all your strengths, skills, talents - where you've come from and what you've done - that all makes you 'you'. Feeling depressed doesn't change that at all; sometimes it can just seem that way. For me personally, opening up to my friends actually helped me to feel closer to them. It's surprising to know just how many people can feel the same way but hide it at the same time.

Hope this helps a little - really want to encourage you to reach out again and think about contacting the school counsellor if you feel comfortable doing so. Sometimes they can be a great help.

[Sj93]

Hi Savi, first of all your post sounds like how i have been feeling, very similar, i find it helps knowing your not the only one. Its hard dealing with this on your own, i tried and it didnt get any better i found my self distancing from everyone i loved. As i didn't want my image to change, i was always the funny bubbly girl, so to tell people what im really thinking was hard but being open about it, is so much easier and to have that comfort, people who love you and know you, wont mind and will always want to offer love which is what helped me, knowing i wasn't alone and people still saw me as me, everyone is facing their own battles, and yours is no different. I'm currently in the same mind set of feeling like nothing but thats not true and i have just started to try little things to get me back to me normal self. Talking to my mum was hard but after opening up i know if i need to cry she is there for me, just venting my problems aloud helped to rationalize everything to help not to worry.

Hope you start to feel you soon.

and your not alone x