Depression or Laziness?

[keith1234]

Hello people of Australia,

I'm in my final year of HS but as of recently I have been feeling depressed, or at least what I believe it feels like. It's been going on for roughly 2 years (Not sure when or why), but it's only now that it's escalating. I'm not particularly stressed by assignments or anything, yet I feel extremely anxious numerous times throughout the day. I have, in the past, done things to gain attention (I'm a middle child, who can blame me?) and pity from others. However, I'm not sure whether I am creating these feelings for myself. I have done self-checklists, scoring 28, although that's only moderate. I've never really had good self-esteem in the first place anyway.

I'm able to enjoy socialising with friends, often leading the conversations myself. It's only when I'm not there and my mind isn't occupied with schoolwork that I begin to feel a pain in my chest. It's like falling, but it lingers until I find something engaging to do. Even then, it's hard for me to focus on objectives now but that can be attributed to my lazy tendencies to simply not do work and cruise through things. I've been asked recently by family members if I was depressed but I wasn't sure so I told them I was fine. Motivating myself to both sleep and get out of bed is a struggle, and I've been missing out on crucial sleep as a result. Others that know me have also reported that I'm more irritable and much more gloomy, both of which are strongly out of character for me. Whilst I feel nothing but dread and hopelessness about the future, is it possible that I'm simply doing this to gain attention? My mind and emotions are conflicting and it's much too confusing for me to judge on my own whether I'm depressed and need help or not.

I don't need anybody to dress up their answers because honesty is probably the best thing I need now, from myself and others. If you have any questions feel free to ask, I've got time to kill.

Thanks for any and all responses (especially you, dude).

[james1]

Hi Keith,

Thanks for posting here to tell us about how you feel.

My own very unprofessional opinion is that a depression/laziness are names for the same very debilitating symptoms of feeling down, unmotivated and even empty. In other words, call it what you will, but there's an issue that needs to be fixed. There are, of course, levels of "down-ness", but it still hurts regardless.

I know it's hard to control, but rather than turn yourself inside out with thoughts of "am I doing this to gain attention", I think it may be easier on yourself to just accept that you are feeling wrong, and that you can get take steps to try and stop the slide.

Do you have any particular triggers for both the depressed and anxious thoughts? You say you can still enjoy the company of friends but these thoughts come up when you're alone and aren't occupied with schoolwork. Do you have any hobbies you do in your spare time?

I'm sorry about the many questions. I'd love to hear more about your story if you feel comfortable telling it.

James

[keith1234]

james1 said:

Do you have any particular triggers for both the depressed and anxious thoughts? You say you can still enjoy the company of friends but these thoughts come up when you're alone and aren't occupied with schoolwork. Do you have any hobbies you do in your spare time?

I'd have to say that there's nothing in particular that could trigger these thoughts but only rather heighten them. To be specific, it's when I engage in conversation that my mind doesn't wander off to these thoughts. If I've already started my evening with depressive thoughts then I will often become demotivated to do any work, resulting in a great deal of time being wasted. I exercise regularly (indoors, because it's freezing) but have dropped hobbies this year to focus on studies.

Hope that helps.

[james1]

Hi Keith, I think I understand what you mean. For me, these thoughts are always in the background and sometimes they're worse, sometimes I'm able to distract myself from them.

I wonder if your school has a school counsellor? They can be very useful sometimes in giving you guidance, because this is what they are trained to do and they have seen many similar cases in their lives. These sessions are (almost always) anonymous and it's just about creating a safe space for you to air your feelings in person.

You said you just told your family that you were okay. Do any of your friends know you are feeling this way? It can be very difficult to manage on our own! Do you feel comfortable telling anyone else in your family? It could even be extended family, if it's too difficult to talk to your immediate family about it just now.

It is good that you are still able to prioritise your studies, that's a really good sign of maturity. It's your final year and you don't want to be too busy with too many things. I tutor some year 12s at the moment and not all of them show the maturity you've shown, so I really congratulate you on that! I'd definitely suggest keeping up the exercise if you can. I always found exercise helped me release a bit of stress and rejuvenated my mind. Is it mostly gym-type exercise that you do? Are you playing any sports as well for school or outside school?

James

[keith1234]

james1 said: I wonder if your school has a school counsellor? Do any of your friends know you are feeling this way? Do you feel comfortable telling anyone else in your family? Is it mostly gym-type exercise that you do? Are you playing any sports as well for school or outside school?

My school does have a counsellor, I've just been putting that off because of the amount of uncertainty I'm feeling. I don't like to waste people's time with nonsense.

Only a couple of friends are aware, although I was very reluctant to disclose my situation. I talk with them on occasion, though more often about themselves than me which I'm not upset over or anything like that. I'd have to say that I'm a better listener than I am a talker, though. I could bring it up, but there's just an uneasiness about it, as if I'm regretting telling something I'm not even sure is true.

I do aerobic exercises without any sort of machinery and I'm not engaged in a sports team. To be fair I've never really enjoyed the selection to choose from in the first place.

Let me know if I'm not giving enough details

[james1]

Hi Keith,

Please don't worry that you'll be wasting anyone's time. Your mental health is really important and you can't neglect it. Sadness, especially the kind that you're describing, is not nonsense at all.

You sound like a very logical person and that's really good that you're not jumping straight to conclusions. But you and I aren't professionals and we don't know how to diagnose or treat these things. For that, your counsellor's really the best person to start with.

I was in your position too. I kept wondering whether I was putting on the symptoms of BPD just to get attention. No one could convince me otherwise. But they convinced me that, suppose I was putting on those symptoms...Did I still feel terrible? Yes. And do most people resort to making themselves depressed just to get attention? No. So clearly, even if I was putting it on, there was something wrong in my life and I needed help with that.

Do you have any other concerns about seeing the school counsellor? You can also see your GP about this or give beyondblue a call. The links under "Get Support" at the bottom of the screen can give you more information.

I really hope you can give the professional route a go. We aren't able to "treat" you on the forums, only offer you support and (at least for me) unprofessional advice.

I hope you don't feel like I'm palming you off or anything, I really want to hear back from you and your thoughts and feelings about getting more help for this difficult period.

James

[keith1234]

Generally speaking, what is a counsellor/psychiatrist like? I have only ever described my feelings with a handful of people, so I'm not particularly good at choosing the right words.

Sometimes I feel genuinely depressed, and at other times I feel like I'm doing it voluntarily. I believe you're correct though, I'll try to make contact with a professional when possible. If, however, I can't bring myself to do it myself I can always just ask one of my close friends to assist.

I know everybody here is just wanting to offer advice and help out. It's hard to come to a concrete decision about my feelings when there's such huge turmoil inside my mind. I do however, feel like the worst is behind me, which is good.

[james1]

Hi Keith,

It's great to hear that you're feeling like the worst is behind you. I hope that continues to grow increasingly distant.

I'd say the thing common to all (good) medical health professionals is that they want to hear your story, they are very knowledgeable, and very professional in giving help. Then you get the idiosyncratic differences in that some are more emotional than others and will give more emotional support, while others are more "detached". So for me, I use my friends for emotional support, and I use my psychologist for actually solving the issues.

For the first meeting, I find it's best to tell them what it is that's bothering you. It's totally okay to be all over the park, I think many of us were for our first session.

If you're worried about that, perhaps you can write down your feelings at the time you feel them, or shortly after. This will also help as evidence for yourself that you do feel genuinely depressed. Have you tried this before?

James