I'm depressed and afraid and can't tell anyone. Help Me.

[cupcakeelf]

I'm 18, I've been depressed and just...sad since I can remember...maybe...5th or 6th grade. My body and mind have been abused and I can't tell anyone at all, not parents, not my doctors. I can't find the closure I want and need and I'm always afraid. I can't go anywhere and I can't talk to anyone, I don't want to cause pain to my parents if they found out because it would break their hearts and they would blame themselves and I feel more isolated and sad because that leaves me with no one except strangers to talk to. And I still have to worry about it some how coming back and getting to them. I need help, but I don't know how to get it without making my parents come face to face with so many things that might just be...too much for them. My dad also battles with depression and I can't imagine what it would do to him.

[Stephen123]

Dear cupcake, this is very sad and a very bad scenario. The first thing that came to my mind was my young daughters and I have thought about this deeply and if this was happening to me I think I would be the most disappointed if my daughter didn't come to us and tell us. Cupcake you are only 18 you really do need some professional help on this before it destroys the rest of your life. I just hope someone like Jo3 can say something profound to you to make you seek some help. I think your dad really needs to know. 

[Jo3]

Hi Cupcake

I agree with Stephen.  You really need support, love and hugs. Wish i could give them to you!!

Don't let this destroy your life.  You see I was sexually abused as a child and I buried this abuse inside of me for 30 odd years and 3 yrs ago these memories came out.  I am married with 3 children and I would want my children to speak to me if there was something wrong.

Do you have any close friends that you could talk to? or whatever seeing your GP. I understand and totally agree with you that it must be hard to deal with this on your own, believe me I understand. But you're only 18 - don't stay on your own, you need help whether it be your parents or friends or GP.

I really hope you seek help, please I did 3 yrs ago and it was the best thing i ever did. As much as it was painful to start with - talking to a stranger, it was a huge relief to have someone listen.

And don't forget we are all here for you as well.  Pls let us know how you go

Take care

Jo

[Suzbj]

Dear Cupcakeelf, 

Please know that you are not alone! You deserve the very best in life and to be safe and protected. I'm sorry that has not been your experience. It's great that you want to protect your parents from pain but have you considered this may not be the right way for either you or your parents? I am a mother and have had clinical depression/anxiety since I was five years old. I wouldn't win any mother-of-the-year awards for sure as the depression/anxiety and for many years, agoraphobic, made me not functional enough to do anything other that support her, try and be there for her and hope to hell her life didn't turn out like mine. One thing is for sure. I would want to know. As painful and as devastating as it would be, I would want to know and have the chance to have my daughter's back if she was ever hurt. One thing is for sure, you need to find someone you can trust who is a professional. It might be a doctor, a psychologist, a chaplain, a youth leader - it has to be someone you can trust. No matter what, we have your back here on this forum. Stay strong!

Take care

Susan

[Stephen123]

Dear cupcake elf, I,m sorry I,m responding again because as a father I really feel for your situation. I feel I must try everything possible to try and get you to tell someone what you have endured. If your dad battles depression he is a very strong kind gentleman. If he knew we were having this conversation you know that he would be urging me to get you to get some help. Your parents love you and more than anything they want you to have a good life. If you hold onto this secret you will not have a good life and they will wonder what they did wrong. If you gain the courage to seek some help sure there will be a lot of upset people but you will have the support to get through it and learn to heal. Please please do something, even if it is just a phone call to beyond blue, maybe something can be done anonymously please cupcake on your dads behalf I am begging you to do something.

[Suzbj]

Thank you Stephen for your caring and compassion. Please, cupcakeelf, stay strong in that take this chance to at least trust this site. Please take Stephen's advice and ring BeyondBlue even if it is anonomously. You are not alone and we care. 🙂

[geoff]

dear Cupcake, well Stephen's sincerity says it all, good on you mate.

Can I reverse this conversation and say that my sons especially my oldest talk to me, not his Mum, because she sees things as black and white, there is no inbetween, no latitude in thinking for anyone and what they want, whereas I don't criticise them at all, so they are more inclined to talk to me about anything.

The way you are saying that you don't want to cause any pain to your parents just proves that you are a caring and loving person, and you have learnt this from your parents, and by saying this I am putting the physical and mental abuse into a corner, because this still doesn't mean that you have been brought up as a lovely girl.

So your parents, just like myself, would want to help you, and I'm sorry that your dad has depression, and so did I, it just brings out an extra strength from your dad, they seem to raise their spirits to a higher level, and forget about their own depression and concentrate on you.

Your too young to exclude other people, those who will be able to help you. Geoff. x