Okay, I'll start with a bit of background (it may be long, so I
apologise in advance) I've had anxiety and depression for over 10 years,
which have been up and down. My panic attacks have lessened and I can do
things I couldn't do when I was younger ...
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Okay, I'll start with a bit of background (it may be long, so I
apologise in advance) I've had anxiety and depression for over 10 years,
which have been up and down. My panic attacks have lessened and I can do
things I couldn't do when I was younger (eg. catch a bus), but I am
feeling more miserable these days, even though I have so much to be
happy about. I have seen my GP, a couple psychologists (which I don't
prefer, because they're expensive, and I find they try to shove
knowledge in my face rather than sharing personal experiences. Breathing
techniques don't always work for anxiety sufferers, and it's not that
simple to change my negative thinking), and numerous counsellors (high
school counsellors were great). I've also tried a few medications, once
when I was younger (and then changed to St John's Wort as a natural
option for anxiety) and again last year for depression, which I have
since stopped because one type made me completely emotionally numb (so
numb that I was on my first overseas flight and I felt nothing) and I
had nausea every single day. So now, I am stuck with nothing again
(nausea has remained, unfortunately). So, what I'd like to get out of my
system, is that I am feeling miserable, and I guess numbness yet again.
I have nothing to be sad about; I live in a good home with my family, I
have a loving partner (who is currently living overseas but will be here
next year), I have some great close friends (who I don't see often, but
that's how I like it), nice things, a job (that I'm not entirely sure
about, but it's an income), and I have nothing physically wrong with me
(to my knowledge). But for some reason I am feeling lack of enjoyment
(didn't even enjoy Christmas as much as I used to) and no motivation to
do anything. I'd rather sleep my days away than go out, I've had to
announce on my Facebook that I am going into social withdrawal because a
couple of my friends have become too frustrating to be around (I can't
deal with hanging out every week), I want to quit my job because I don't
feel like I fit in and it is a bit far away for my liking, I am too
tired to make effort to do things or make myself look nice, I feel so
low compared to others, and I guess I am losing the will to even be
alive. There's nothing going for me, I failed high school over a guy, I
have tried Uni but dropped out because of failing all but one subject, I
tried TAFE but stopped going because I didn't fit in and don't know how
to socialise with people who are different to me, my job gives me very
little money therefore I cannot save money, and my partner is living far
away at the moment so I can't just call him or hug him when I want to.
Also just to note, I don't do phone calls, which makes some things very
difficult. Oh, and in regards to the 'lost' part, I don't have any
direction in life, and I don't know what I really want to do. When I was
younger I wanted to be an artist, author, graphic designer, something
great, but those dreams kinda diminished. Then I wanted to do
translating/interpreting because I am learning Japanese, but I failed at
Uni so I can't do that. TAFE was all about a nail tech course, which I
forgot about due to socialising issues, and now I'm realising I'm not
that good anyway. the only job I can do is cleaning, and I don't want to
do that anymore. It's only my 6th year of being a cleaner (through
various jobs) but I'm tired of it. I would rather do nothing than clean
up people's crap...at least in hotels they treat you with more respect
than where I'm at now (airport). Anyway, that's my rant-thing. I do have
a question (maybe more, depending if I think of anymore as I type this)
Has anyone ever just quit a job purely because you don't want to do it
anymore, with no backup? Was it okay? I think I want to quit my job, and
just relax for a bit before trying something else. How do I go about
looking for a path in life? It is just so difficult, it's like I'm
wandering through a forest and getting nowhere. The moment I feel like
I'm coming across a village of civilisation and hope, it disappears like
a mirage. I'm 24 years old, but I'm feeling so old already. Also, am I
being stupid and selfish for being so miserable with no real reason?
It's just so difficult to find anything positive about myself to make me
happier. If you read everything, thank you, I really appreciate it.
Hopefully I covered everything.
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