Young people

i just need to express my feeling to someone

replies: 6

hi i needed to talk to someone and let everything out. i would like just to be told it ok. i don't think i'm suffering from horrible depression but i am starting to feel it and don't want to get any worse. long story short .... I didnt have the worst... View more

hi i needed to talk to someone and let everything out. i would like just to be told it ok. i don't think i'm suffering from horrible depression but i am starting to feel it and don't want to get any worse. long story short .... I didnt have the worst upbringing there is and i was well looked after but my mum had me at a young age. i didn't meet my dad until i was 5. i moved every few months to a new house. finally mum couldn't handle it so she gave me to my grandparents when i was 4 who then got in contact with my dad who i then started seeing for a few months before i started living with his parents and then finally moved in with my dad. i've never had a great relationship with him like most children. no calling him "daddy" or random cuddles and kisses. he has had a few girlfriends and has abused them in a way. when they fight they 'fight'. he has been with my step mum for about 12 years now. she has 3 other girls who are horrible. its the typical evil step mother and daughters! she was only ever nice to me when dad was around or if she had been drinking. they always used to fight and break up and fight and break up.... my dad used to hit her. we had the docs come around to our door a ridiculous amount of times from te neighbours calling. we moved to the gold coast when i was 10 with just one of my step sisters and the family was happy but then the others came and they didn't get along with my dad, so he got angry all the time and didnt even like him own daughter (me). we used to go on family holidays all the time and they were great but the family was more unhappy then happy. i never came out of my room. high school came and it was then i realised my sexuality. i had plenty of boyfriends but then started dating a girl in grade 9. it was a huge secret for about 2 years when finally my dad came around to her house one night and confronted us. He was ok with my decisions but her parents not so much. so we said we had ended it just to keep them happy but we were still in love. i loved her so much i couldn't stand it! always wanted to be with her. i dropped anything and everything to do what she wanted. it was a secret to the world all through school. we never told anyone. we then started fighting over silly things like liking other people, not loving each other anymore, etc... she started hitting me when fight were bad. i never ever layed a finger on her! i used to cry and cry this went on right up until our first year out of school when i finally stood up and got myself together and said NO she's not right for me. i lost all of my friends because of the stories she told them about me. i then started fighting with my family and never came home for days. i didn't answer phone calls from my dad which made things worse. eventually i moved in with my grandparents and got a full time job in childcare which i still my current job. this is were i found the love of my life! she is the most amazing person i have ever met! she treats me like a princess. we have been together for 2 years now and our love is as strong a the day we fell in love. she however didn't have it easy. we started teaching zumba together and became best friends. we saw each other heaps in one week. the big thing is she was engaged, to a man. i fell in love with her very quick. we went out one night and when we got home we were outside and she asked me if i was a lesbian. we kissed. then our feeling got deeper and deeper. we tried to tell ourselves it was never gonna happen but she was unhappy in her relationship. they got married and it was the hardest thing ive ever gone through in my life. they were away on their honeymoon and i couldn't wait to see her. she got back and told me she didnt feel a spark when they were away. 1 month later they ended, on good terms though. they agreed that after 12 years together it just wasnt the same. he had another girl and she loved me. we now are in a house with 2 dogs and a cat. i have recently started hating my job and dont feel welcomed and i know that what you get working with a whole heap of girls. they are just not nice. i struggle with money even though i work long hours. my anger is stating to come back and im hoping if i find a new job and get on top of money it gets better. but our relationship is starting to rock. we are still in love but she said i need to deal with my anger and tell my life story to someone. i dont ever want to lose her. i dont ever think that my anger has anything to do with being a lesbian as i never get anything bad said to me. maybe us being normal looking girl and having very supportive friends and family. i just want a happy future but need to let out my past to start my future and be happy. i could go on and on but i wont. thank you if you read this, i know its not a major issue but i find myself always upset and crying and don't have anyone to talk to if we are in a fight. i know that if we ever broke up i would lose everything and most likely feel suicidal. i just want to be a more positive person. i want to be the person i was 2 months ago. i havent smiled in days. haven't kissed in a couple of days. i just miss her so much. she gave up everything for me and i need to make things right. i guess the question i have is do you think its old memories making my anger or is there something wrong with me?

anxiety

replies: 3

hi, i think i have anxiety ... in social situations like going out for dinner where there is more than one other person i just dont say a word and stay quiet... its so embarrassing its making me depressed and i dont want to go out any more ... people... View more

hi, i think i have anxiety ... in social situations like going out for dinner where there is more than one other person i just dont say a word and stay quiet... its so embarrassing its making me depressed and i dont want to go out any more ... people will notice i am quiet i let them know im shy or just a listener they cant understand this and just rip me off... i just want to be like everyone else and talk like normal does any one have any suggestions on how to over come this problem ? ?

Not Sure If Depressed or Disenfranchised Middle Class Youth.

replies: 3

Hi everyone, I've been feeling rather down of late. I suppose I'm having trouble understanding the severity of it and what I should do to improve things. I'm not even sure that what I'm feeling could be categorised as depression, but hey. That's why ... View more

Hi everyone, I've been feeling rather down of late. I suppose I'm having trouble understanding the severity of it and what I should do to improve things. I'm not even sure that what I'm feeling could be categorised as depression, but hey. That's why I'm here. Over the last month or so I've been feeling really down whenever I have any time to think. Naturally, this is mostly at night when I'm in bed, so it has severely affected my sleeping hours. My average bed time is now 4 in the morning. On top of this I've been having thoughts of suicide and self harm. Nothing committal but they're there nonetheless. I was wondering whether anyone out there would have some advice on where I'm at currently and what I should do to deal with how I'm feeling. Thanks in advance. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Struggling to take the first steps....

replies: 4

Hi, I've only just found this website & joined & I'm not quite sure where to start or who to turn to. I'm 22yrs old & I've been struggling with depression & anxiety for close to 2 years now & I've reached the point where I feel like I cant keep fight... View more

Hi, I've only just found this website & joined & I'm not quite sure where to start or who to turn to. I'm 22yrs old & I've been struggling with depression & anxiety for close to 2 years now & I've reached the point where I feel like I cant keep fighting this battle alone. I know I need to talk to someone yet I feel so pathetic for needed help & feel like my needs are so small compared to those who are struggling more than me. Is this normal? Where do I even start my road to recovery???? Any help will be truely appreciated.

Fear of blood, family thinks I'm attention seeking.

replies: 2

Thank you for opening my post. I'm 20, female and living at home. I suffer from depression, severe anxiety and agoraphobia. Since I can remember, every time anyone spoke of blood, organs, anything to do with the inside of the human body I always felt... View more

Thank you for opening my post. I'm 20, female and living at home. I suffer from depression, severe anxiety and agoraphobia. Since I can remember, every time anyone spoke of blood, organs, anything to do with the inside of the human body I always felt like throwing up. My neck would suddenly feel very tight, and all my nerves would feel a sensation that is almost like pain. I would have to start moving my body constantly/tapping my foot/make myself shudder or the weird sensation would get stronger. My mother and sister think it's funny, and after they'd realised I was struggling, they would talk louder about the subject and go into more detail and then tell me I am attention seeking. They would especially do it when I was younger and didn't drive, and they would be driving and start talking about it so I couldn't walk away. I also have trouble with getting my blood tested and most times I have to be given medication at the hospital to calm me down so they can take my blood. Please can I have some advice about how to handle this, it really affects me and I hate the way I respond to blood related things. (even writing about this right now I'm having to fidget and get up and walk around and my neck feels tight)

How do I tell my parents about my social anxiety?

replies: 1

I'm nearly 14 years old and I think that I have social anxiety. My mum is a psychologist and I know that she can help but I don't know how to tell her. And I also don't want to see her as a psychologist, I want to see someone who I am not related to ... View more

I'm nearly 14 years old and I think that I have social anxiety. My mum is a psychologist and I know that she can help but I don't know how to tell her. And I also don't want to see her as a psychologist, I want to see someone who I am not related to or anything so that they can be professional. I don't know what to say or how to tell my mum that I have social anxiety or how she will react. Can someone please help?

Ostomy, body image, rejection...blah

replies: 2

This is likely to end up as a bunch of incoherent ramblings as it's after 2am and I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say, just that I need to get stuff out of my head somewhere people will possibly read it. So, 21, Female, no list of diagnosed is... View more

This is likely to end up as a bunch of incoherent ramblings as it's after 2am and I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say, just that I need to get stuff out of my head somewhere people will possibly read it. So, 21, Female, no list of diagnosed issues. I spent a good portion of my teenage years being sick, the years when you develop great friendships, start shaping who you are and who you want to be in the future. I was really sick, and missed a lot. After 6 years I was left with one option. I had to have surgery to remove my entire large intestine, and was left with an Ileostomy. Essentially, a piece of my small intestine pokes through the wall of my abdomen, and an adhesive bag is attached to collect poop. Before I had the surgery I had a bf, our relationship continued after I had the surgery and he was very supportive and didn't have a problem with the ostomy bag. I've had the bag for over a year now, and been without my ex for over 6 months. In this time I've been rejected by 3 different men who were very into me but then suddenly disappeared at the mention of my Ostomy. I also gained a LOT of weight due to one of the medications I was on for my disease. Combine being severely overweight with an Ostomy bag and voila, instantly unattractive. Sprinkle some rejection on, add a dash of snide remarks from strangers and we have an even better dish of self loathing. I became fairly isolated whilst sick, and now I don't have any friends, aside from a couple of people I talk to online. I'm terrified of meeting them IRL and constantly make excuses. It freaks me out to the point where I wont even talk on the phone to them or skype with them. My only social interation is with family. Lately the rejection of a really great guy sent me into a spin. If he was an a***hole I could handle it, it wouldn't matter, but he's actually a really great guy so it messed with my head.I feel like I'm going to live the rest of my life alone, and once I move out I'll basically live in isolation only seeing people for family gatherings and work. I know it's silly, and people will say "you're only 21, you're still young" but they haven't had to deal with having an actual bag of poop on their abdomen. No one wants to get physical with that. Plenty of guys don't have an issue with fat, but they can't handle an Ostomy. Theirs a stigma around Ostomies, and a societal belief that they're only for old people. When a young person has one it's suddenly a tragedy, a story to tell to fill others with horror. In high school we watched a video of a guy who had been drink driving, caused an accident, and ended up with an Ostomy. They made it seem like it was the most disgusting thing ever, they basically shamed it. Thankfully I didn't have mine yet, but I knew at that point that it was an option. Looking back it seems like a really awful thing to do. So yeah, my ramblings. It basically amounts to poor me, I loathe myself, pity me.

My Life

replies: 1

well I guess it all started back in May 2009 when I had a fall at work and hurt my back I have disc degeneration and fibromyalgia, I worked at a supermarket in the deil and continued working there with my injury up until November 2009 as I was being ... View more

well I guess it all started back in May 2009 when I had a fall at work and hurt my back I have disc degeneration and fibromyalgia, I worked at a supermarket in the deil and continued working there with my injury up until November 2009 as I was being bullied by my manager and the lady who was in charge of OHS.Because it was a workplace accident I was was having to deal with people that never gave a crap about me or my mental health they just fed me more and more pain medication to try and shut me up. in 2010 I was scheduled to have back surgery but because work compo wouldn't help pay my medical bills anymore an they gave a the flick I was forced to seek legal advice, so with the supermarket "Doctors" saying there was nothing wrong with me and clearly in my MRI there is evidence my surgery was cancelled.So that was the first huge blow to me when I was pining all my hopes on this surgery thinking it would take away all my pain and suffering I began to withdraw from everyone I loved my family , my partner and my friends well what was left of them. Because no one was looking after my mental health and all they cared about was my physical health it began to get worse and worse until one night I blacked out and when I came to I had self harmed.My partner was no help he just packed me up and sent me back to my parents as he wasn't strong enough to help me when I needed him the most, still with having to deal with the supermarket and lawyers I was getting worse but I slowly began to be able to get dressed in the morning and be able to step outside without being frighten.When I moved back up the coast to my partner things where ok in the beging until he started to become more and more aggressive towards me but stupidly I stayed because I felt like I had owe him because everything was my fault I continued to stay with him for another 3 years until enough was enough and I finally was strong enough to get out of the relationship.After 4 or 5 months after the break up I meet a guy and had sort of a one night fling with him but I ended up falling pregnant but I couldn't have it due to my back I would be bed bound and also I could never bring a child into this world without being financially stable cause its just not fair and the father wanted nothing to do with the baby so I had to terminate the pregnancy which I regret every single day of my life. Also the father gave me a nasty little surprise with after telling me that he had no STDs and that he was clean I ended up with herpes.Once I had come to terms with everything and started to heal my parents ended up splitting up .Honestly I don't no what I ever did to anyone to be served all these terrible things and by the way I had only just turnt 19 when I hurt my back and I've just turnt 24.I have good days and bad these past few months have been bad and ive started up self harming as it relases all the pain inside, ive sort medical help but some days I just think why bother even going on why bother even smiling.

Step parents putting you down

replies: 1

Everything about dad's house is great. Big house, nice car, rooms, clothes... Pretty much anything I want. But I don't go to dad's much. I had the choice but I'd rather live at mum's house than dad's because of my step-mum. She is always putting me d... View more

Everything about dad's house is great. Big house, nice car, rooms, clothes... Pretty much anything I want. But I don't go to dad's much. I had the choice but I'd rather live at mum's house than dad's because of my step-mum. She is always putting me down or I am getting into trouble for the littlest things. Sometimes, on the days I go to dads, i have a breakdown. I visit the counsellor, I cry I talk to my friends but no one can change anything. They just try and convince me that everything is going to be ok. My step mum used to get angry at me for telling my mum the things she would say to me because my mum would get angry at her and then my step mum would put it all back on me. So I stopped telling her and started telling dad. After that things would get better. But then my step mum would put all of the stuff dad told her back on me. I was getting in trouble for telling someone that I was in trouble. It has been going on since I was eight and I decided to stop telling dad. Instead I tried to keep out of trouble. I'd sit and read in my room all day... Only to get told off for hiding away. So I'd ask if there was anything I could do, if not, sit upstairs so I wasn't hiding. Then I got told off for invading her privacy. I'd then start to follow my stepsister because she never gets In trouble... Then I got told off for not leaving my stepsister alone even though my stepsister never at one point said anything to me. I don't know what to do! I'd spend time with dad but he is always working. He has left her a few times because of how she has treated me but she would always come back and promise not to be mean again. Yeah... That happened. I am really thin but she has told me that I NEED TO PUT ON WEIGHT! I can't win! I would want to go out and work in the shed with my dad on his car but would get the response "I thought you were a girl why would you want to go work on a car" even when I haven't done ANYTHING, I get huge sighs and mean looks. Everything I do has about thirty thoughts in it. When I'm making breakfast I'll think "hmm, I'm not going to have cereal because she said that I make it too runny even though that is how I like it, I'm not going to have cheese and vegemite because she said it was gross, I'm not going to have honey because she has told me that that is for weekends only even though my stepbrother has it a lot, I'm not having jam because it's hers and dads only so I think I'll have toast with peanut paste... Like everyother day" and this happens with everything. I try and walk quietly because I have gotten told I am too loud when I walk and I have gotten told that I walk to slowly, but I have also been told I walk to fast down the stairs. This is so much writing and I'm sure that their are stories that are much more important than mine but I just don't know what to do! I am always worrying and that gets me in more trouble but if I don't worry I get in more trouble! How can this stop! I've told her that I worry because of her but she says I am lying! She always says I'm "playing games" and being "manipulative". Why? GOD KNOWS! I don't understand. I just want her to be normal or me to stop getting in trouble and worrying so I can see my dad as much as I want to.

I am 14 and I think i have social anxiety or co-dependancy please help me

replies: 4

ok so i have grown up not having friends but all of a sudden there have been activities that i have had to go to that require being with people and doing social things. Everytime outside of school when someome asks me to come over i say no because i ... View more

ok so i have grown up not having friends but all of a sudden there have been activities that i have had to go to that require being with people and doing social things. Everytime outside of school when someome asks me to come over i say no because i get really bad anxiety over it and im not sure why. This anxiey has happened when i went to a new school and i couldnt even get out the car. I have always been scared to go on trips and stuff. my parents seem to be involved in this. can i not ever be without them? how do i get better and become a more independent person please help. some one asked my over today and i said no because of the anxiety i have and it looked like they were having a fun time. every public place i go i feel like some one i know will come up to me and ask me to hang out and i wouldnt know what to say help

Pinned discussions

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

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i just need to express my feeling to someone

replies: 6

anxiety

replies: 3

Not Sure If Depressed or Disenfranchised Middle Class Youth.

replies: 3

Struggling to take the first steps....

replies: 4

Fear of blood, family thinks I'm attention seeking.

replies: 2

How do I tell my parents about my social anxiety?

replies: 1

Ostomy, body image, rejection...blah

replies: 2

My Life

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Step parents putting you down

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I am 14 and I think i have social anxiety or co-dependancy please help me

replies: 4

Young people

New to this Forum? Please read this first! replies: 0

i just need to express my feeling to someone replies: 6

anxiety replies: 3

Not Sure If Depressed or Disenfranchised Middle Class Youth. replies: 3

Struggling to take the first steps.... replies: 4

Fear of blood, family thinks I'm attention seeking. replies: 2

How do I tell my parents about my social anxiety? replies: 1

Ostomy, body image, rejection...blah replies: 2

My Life replies: 1

Step parents putting you down replies: 1

I am 14 and I think i have social anxiety or co-dependancy please help me replies: 4

New to this Forum? Please read this first!

replies: 0

i just need to express my feeling to someone

replies: 6

anxiety

replies: 3

Not Sure If Depressed or Disenfranchised Middle Class Youth.

replies: 3

Struggling to take the first steps....

replies: 4

Fear of blood, family thinks I'm attention seeking.

replies: 2

How do I tell my parents about my social anxiety?

replies: 1

Ostomy, body image, rejection...blah

replies: 2

My Life

replies: 1

Step parents putting you down

replies: 1

I am 14 and I think i have social anxiety or co-dependancy please help me

replies: 4