Hi Blackarrow,
I am so sorry you're feeling this way and that you're in this position- it seems like you feel 'stuck'. I find it can be really hard to pull ourselves out of this feeling, especially if we don't have the means to be fully independent. It seems like it's hard for you to find a routine, maybe that would be a good place to start? Trying to be consistent with one thing at a time works for me when I'm finding it hard to be motivated or stick to a schedule, however I know this would be made extra difficult by your experiences with bipolar depression and anxiety. For me personally, I start by just going for a walk one day, the next day I bake a cake or something. I like baking because you can see (and eat, yum!) the rewards of what you've done that day. Don't downplay the little wins like this, it's impossible to go from feeling aimless to being on top of it all overnight, the process can be hard but if you're doing one small thing at a time, then you're getting somewhere! Are there any tv shows, activities or hobbies you enjoy? Could you get involved with an online community which also enjoys these things? Because of covid, I've had to take my hobbies online, and I've found heaps of people doing the same thing. Just because you live far away from where things happen doesn't mean you have to miss out completely, and getting passionate about something like that might help you feel more motivated in general!
Please know that you aren't alone, and you don't have to feel this way alone either- this community is here for you 🙂
