i have an imaginary friend

[kebsong]

hi, so this is my first post/thing/whatever and i don't know what to say or do, so please forgive me for being awkward. i also do not know where to put this so ....

i have a pretend friend. i know she's not real. everyone involved in my life thinks she is. i have this whole story i've made up about this person; i've made up how we met, how we still talk on a frequent basis, what her personality is, what she looks like, etc, etc. it's gotten to a point where i've forgotten on certain occasions that she wasn't real - where i'd go to my contacts and wonder for a minute why her name isn't there. it didn't start out weirdly; i've always like spinning stories of people that i make up. it's something i do to keep myself in check, kind of like forced daydreaming. i've been doing this since i was a kid. but whereas i abandon the other 'stories' and make new ones, i've found myself building onto this one and making it feel real.

i am still in school and i am diagnosed (unofficially, but professionally) to have minor social anxiety and minor depression. my anxiety comes in the form of me being loud and talkative out of fear of silent judgement. i have lied and exaggerated repeatedly to my 'friends' - to the point where i had almost tore a friendship apart.

i feel like i'm finally losing my plot. my relationships with real people are crumbling amazingly fast and i'm clinging to a piece of my imagination. i just need to forget my 'friend' but i don't know how and i just need someone to tell me i'm not going insane

[james1]

Thanks Sara. Right back at you 🙂

Hey Keb, ah that's a tough one, mostly because it's been going on for so long. Daydreaming - geez, as long as I can remember really, but if I had to say any particular time...my earliest recollection would be a few years after the original Lord of the Rings trilogy came out and my crush, who became my girlfriend for 4 years, also really liked the movies. I would've been about 12-14?

I think I always had an imaginative mind, but when the relationship anxieties began, that's when the escape became really real. I'm noticing I'm doing it even now in a new relationship - my mind makes me want to escape the possibility of it crashing by living a separate life in my head.

As for the lying - I'd have to say that's pretty ingrained in me. Whether creating stories or just lying about how I'm feeling, I'd say I've always done it. I just got better at creating more elaborate lies as I got older.

It sounds like you're trying to pinpoint it in yourself as well? Perhaps when you first developed the anxiety?

Have you ever spoken to your school counsellor about these things?

James

[kebsong]

thanks sara, it really means a lot. bb is one of the most welcoming communities i've ever been a part of. 🙂

hey james,
i'd thought it had started with my anxiety, but i remember lying to my teachers in elementary. i was hoping i could pinpoint something, but it just turns out that it's deeply ingrained in my life, haha.

i'm on school holidays right now, meaning that i probably won't be able to talk to my SC in the next two weeks or so. it's a little hard to explain, but our SCs are chaplains and usually just pray for me in our sessions.

thank you so much for taking your time to reading and replying. i know it seems a little melodramatic, but in the time that this thread has been up, i've really felt like a weight's been somewhat taken off my shoulders.

K

[solabear]

Hey Keb, I'm a female in my early 50's and I can tell you that you are certainly not the only one with this issue. I used to do the same when I was a teenager. I made up people as imaginary friends and told people about them in high school....basically lied. And I also used to daydream about a different life when I was lying in bed from childhood to my 40's. I don't do it anymore....I think I grew out of it.

So you are not alone, and thank you for sharing it with us. And you can talk about anything here, we understand and here to listen and support.

Hugs from Sola

[james1]

Hey keb,

A lot of these things start when we're younger. Even anxiety, which sticks it's head out later, often has roots in earlier life. We can often have predispositions which flare up but don't become diagnosable until later.

Ah, okay. Perhaps it might be good to have a chat to your GP or a doctor if you feel it getting out of hand. Otherwise, there are small steps you can take in finding someone to confide in and who you can try to be truthful with.

Small steps. I still do it, but I do it less now. And that's hopefully what I can continue to say year after year, until it does go away.

James

[kebsong]

hey sola and james,

thank you so much for spending time to read and reply.

i'll make sure to see a professional if i feel like i have to. my mind has been a little clearer in the past few days, and i'm going to try to confide in someone.

again, thank you everyone so so much for replying; it really helped me. 🙂

K

[Just Sara]

Hey Keb;

Popping in to see how you're travelling. Don't forget to let us know if you've found the courage to confide in someone or have seen a therapist/counsellor. We're rooting for you ok?

I'm glad to read you've had some quality days; that's a plus. School's back this week, hope all goes well there too.

Miles of smiles;

Sara x

[james1]

Hey K,

That's wonderful. If you ever find yourself falling back into bad habits, it's okay. I've been there too and still do that, so while habits tend to take a while to break, the important thing is that you're trying.

We're here if you need people to listen or to talk to.

James