I have a problem with trust.

[Madara121]

I'm in year 9 right now and although i have a myriad of other issues, the one that holds me back most is trust.

this year i've been approached by both romantic interests, and people who want to be my friend several times. 

I always turn them down. They're either to popular, pretty, or smart to even give me the time of day, which is why it doesn't make sense that they care about me. the most popular girl in the grade asked me out today and i turned her down because her friends were with her and i thought that it was a setup for some sick joke.

later that day i overheard her friends trying to comfort her after the rejection.

the problem i need help in though isn't my relationship with her. it's my tendency to never trust people early on. i know what it stems from but i don't know how to handle my lack of trust and it's made me make terrible decisions i can never take back please help me try and be more trusting.

[BenD]

Hey Madara,

It sounds like you are having self-esteem issues. People want to hang out with you because you are an interesting person, but you aren't letting them because you don't think that you deserve their time. Have you ever thought that perhaps you are worthy of them and more to the point, are they actually worthy of your time?

If you have serious doubts about their sincerity then the answer to the latter question is a definite 'no'.

However, if it turns out they're being sincere (and from what I can gather there is no reason to think otherwise?) then you could be distancing yourself unwarrantably.

Is there any other evidence for them acting the way they do, and/or you perceiving them as being insincere?

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Ben

[Jacko777]

Hi Madara121,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, very brave and clever of you to seek help on this.

Long story but over time I developed issues trusting people. What helped me was finding out why this was an issue, it was a life event where trust was broken and I never got help to work on it. These days I presume that I can trust everyone, it is a great feeling. If someone lets me down then I have to find clarity about why they did. Normally it is because of their own issues, it is a reflection of them, not me. So I practice not taking it on board, it's not my thing, I refuse to partake, like water off a ducks back, let it slide right off.

You are worthy mate, the real, healthy you can trust people, with practice you can make it so, action cures fear. You sound like a lovely intelligent fella to me, it makes perfect sense to me that others would like to get to know you, give them the opportunity. Be brave, go and talk to the 'most popular girl in the grade', apologise, tell her you thought it was a setup, tell her you would like to go out with her. Keep us posted.

Jack