i hate myself

[justarando]

i genuinely hate myself. there is not one thing i like about the way i look, what i can do or my personality. i do musical theatre, which a few years ago was something i thought would be great for confidence and since i loved singing, but it made me realise how bad i am. i cant stop comparing myself to my friends and just constantly feel worthless. when the topic of self love starts up i just want to cry because ive tried so hard to change but i cant love myself for who i am. musical theatre and singing was something i was once interested in but now hate doing but i cant quit because without it ill have no friends. plus, ive always had a difficult time making friends so ive already gone to a psychologist about it and moved schools within the past few months. i just dont know what to do but if i show any sign of doubting myself, people think im attention seeking when i cant help it. i practically now use it as sarcastic humour to hide my true feelings and how i just want to breakdown. why am i not good enough? why couldnt i have been anyone else? i just constantly feel useless, irrelevant and ugly

[Vicbuilder]

Hey,

I just want to jump in and suggest to speak with a GP and possibly a psychiatrist regarding medication - i went to about 3 psychologists over the course of 10 years and nothing really changed, medicine sometimes gets a bad wrap but it totally helped me do a 360 on my life.. just speak to a psychiatrist or gp about this and see if it helps, these feelings can sometimes be caused by genetics like it was for me (on top of bullying and self doubt).

[Aaronsis]

Hey Julia

Sorry to take so long to reply, bit of a crazy weekend really, running around after kids with sport and out for dinner with some friends, so I am actually looking forward to going to work to have a rest..lol..I am in Melbourne too and it was nice to have Tuesday off but had to work o Monday.

I have a few friends who are also orthodox as so am very familiar with both Christmas and Easter for you, a really busy time, fun but I get it also a little overwhelming too if you need some quiet time.

I get what you mean about Christmas shopping and wondering if people will like what you have picked, but you know what...as a mum..my kids could get me a crappy Gnome on a stick and I would still love it as they have chosen if for me and thought I would like it, I guess what I am saying is that if you pick something with love and pick it with the person in mind, people will love it as you have given them something you think that they will love.

Have you done your performances? How did they go, I have been thinking of you doing your thing on stage, I am sure that you are amazing and that you put the biggest smile on your family's face.

Big big hugs to you Julia

Chat soon

Sarah

[justarando]

hi sarah

yea i finished my performances saturday night. it was definitely an emotional time when saying goodbye to the people id probably never see again (since you retire from the company or can quit), however quite happy it’s over. they all went fairly well. however, with what vicbuilder said, do you reckon its worth seeing a psychiatrist or something? i dont know if my issues are even that bad and if not, when to go if they worsen?? i don’t know was just curious

julia

[Aaronsis]

Good Morning Julia

Well done on the performances and I hope that you have some wonderful memories that you will have forever. I am so proud of you for getting involved and seeing this through as I know it was so hard for you to do that. I also hope you can keep in touch with some of the people that you made connections with and remain friends.

I think vicbuilder has a good point. How would you feel about a trip to see your doctor and to let him or her know how you are feeling? They can then chat to you and give you some support and some tools and you can think about what they have said and see if you feel like it has been helpful. Have you spoken to your parents about how you are feeling? I know this sounds like a lot and is very overwhelming, but if you are thinking "well I dont know what to say", you could show them your post on here as you have expressed beautifully how you are feeling and what you are thinking and are communicating wonderfully. That way you can get it out without having to go over it all again, if that seems like an option.

Please let me know what you think about this, certainly no pressure at all but it might be worth a thought.

Hope you have a great day Julia

Chat soon

Sarah

[justarando]

hi sarah,

ever since i decided i wanted to move schools my mum noticed i have like no faith in myself and have low self esteem etc. but she doesnt know the full thing but i sort of cant be bothered explaining. and if i were to go to someone i dont really know how to ask to go. plus, naturally im just very awkward i feel like i wont be able to say everything i feel aha

Julia

[Aaronsis]

Hey Julia

I get what you mean by about not knowing where to start or how to ask, it can be very overwhelming and a lot to think about, if you just want to stay here for a bit and chat and get some comfort and support that is totally fine, if you really would like to go to a doctor and you dont know how to ask your mum I could help with some starters for you? I am just thinking that if my daughter was feeling like she might like to go to a doctor I would want her to tell me so I could get her there and I think that your mum would feel the same.

You could say "mum, this is really awkward and hard for me but I am having a hard time at the moment and I would really like to have an appointment at the doctor". She is naturally going to want to know more information as to why and what is wrong and you can tell her as much or as little as you want, or you could write it down so as she could read it and you wouldn't have to go through it again. All in time though and when you feel comfortable and ready to. Just sit with this idea and see what you think, but like I said, no pressure at all and I am always here for you to chat to if you just want to do that too.

How was your day today?

Big hugs to you Julia

Sarah 🙂

[justarando]

hi Sarah,

i just dont know if going to any doctor is necessarily like am i even that bad? compared to other people, barely. people go through worse than i do, isnt how i feel normal? i genuinely dont even know. As for today, yea alright i guess however to be honest did have a bit of a “down moment” for a couple hours but i dont know its probably normal.

julia

[Aaronsis]

Good Morning Julia

I am sorry that you had a bit of a down moment today, that is good that is was only a moment tho.

In regards to your question about if you should/need to see a doctor and are you even that bad...I wish I could wave a wand and answer that one for you, see...only you know the answer to that one...I think that teenagers have so much pressure and expectation on them these days and there is so many feelings and dialogue that goes on internally, that is all apart of the journey I suppose I guess it is how you are feeling about it all, does it become so overwhelming you want to just fall in a heap and cry?, mostly do you feel ok?, there are so many variables as we are all different. Also please dont compare your beautiful self to others, as so very hard this is, this is your journey and what others go through might be "worse" or "better", they might seem "normal" or "weird" but we are all who we are and the only person who knows how you are feeling in you is....yep you!

I will chat here with you til the cows come home..lol...I really enjoy being able to support you on your journey, but if you feel like you need more or the days are getting harder then I would get some other support too, I will leave that one for you to think about...

Just for laughs tho if you want to imagine something really funny, picture a 44 year old mum doing TIKTOKS.....yep that is my life atm.....are you into any of that sort of thing, my daughter is obsessed and I always get dragged in to the mix.

Hope today is a good one, although the weather is a bit lousy.....

Huge hugs to you

Sarah

[justarando]

hi sarah,

yea idk if i should go or not i dont have like any stigma or anything against it i just like dont know if it’ll help you know? but anyway last night i talked to one of my friends about how ive been feeling (he suffers from depression and anxiety so he understood) and he said i’m probably better off getting some help. and with the tiktoks, aha yes for one of my assignments ive literally got to do a video and we are incorporating tiktoks in it oops.

Julia

[Aaronsis]

Hey Julia

LOL about the Tiktoks, they are so funny, I just had to do the one last week with my daughter that goes like "I got muscles like superman trainer.."...yeah well, I am not sure you will see me on Australia's Got Talent anytime soon, although they are fun and my daughter likes it when I do it with her.

That is so great that you had a chat to your friend, even just to have some face to face chat about how you are feeling is really great and I am glad that you have him to understand and to bounce ideas off. There is no rush and you can sit with the idea and see how you are feeling, there is no pressure to go to the GP but if you feel like you can no longer manage how you are feeling then you know that there is an option for you there. That is really great that you have no stigma against going to see a doctor, you are not alone in going and so many of us have been and had the chats about our mental health. You are a very smart and intelligent girl so I feel like you will know if you need to.

I have to make a speech at my brother's school, they have created an award in his name to give to a person that tries, that doesn't always get A's but really tries, like and encouragement award, the thing is it will happen on speech day and that is in front of the whole school and their families.....eeeekkkkkkk.......the plus is I can buy a new dress but I am freeeaaaking out....and tips for my performance????

Hope that today has been good and that you have had a laugh.

Hugs to you Julia

Sarah