I feel so alone. I cannot deal with the stresses of relationships and school work.

[Liv_]

I'm 15 and have two younger siblings, one being 13 and one being 10. My relationships with my parents was always healthy until the past two years where things started to get hard and school began to get stressful.

My sister has always been very smart, sporty, popular and perfect and my brother is the nicest person and most popular person you will ever meet. I am not the smartest and I really struggle to make friends. I feel like my parents have been totally rejecting me. They never talk to me anymore and refuse to help me with anything. I feel so alone at home. My parents are so disappointed in me but I don't think I have done anything wrong. My siblings always sticks up for me but my parents always dismiss me.

Recently I have been arguing a lot at home, especially with my dad. He always tells me I'm not good enough and I need to get my act together like my siblings. I'm trying so hard but I feel like I can't deal with the stress of relationships at school, extra curricular activities and trying to keep up with all my school work. My parents also don't understand school life, they always shout at me and take my computer away which is making studying almost impossible.

School life is getting really difficult. I used to have so many friends but now I just have vague friends who I sit with a lunchtimes but know no one notices if I don't turn up at school. My best friend moved to boarding school and my old boyfriend moved overseas. It's hard because I used to have so many close friends that just drifted away from me. I have never felt more alone but I'm too scared to talk to anyone and I feel like I have no one to talk to and everyone will judge me. I'm so sick of crying myself to sleep every night. But I also feel so guilty for feeling so sad as I am so privileged, I go to a private school and deep down I know my family love me.

I just wish things were easier. I don't think I'm depressed because I do manage to find enjoyment on everyday activities but at the same time I find myself crying quite often. Sorry for the rant, I just feel alone.

[MickeyM]

Hi Liv

I am so sorry you feel like this, really I do. Your home should be a safe place, where you can let down your guard and re-charge your batteries. It's really disappointing to read that you feel abandoned by your parents.

It seems to me like you really have a lot on your plate right now. I strongly suggest you speak to someone at school...is there a counselor there, or maybe a favourite teacher? Is there "headspace" at your school? You need to find a way to manage your schoolwork without being overwhelmed, maybe someone to help set some small goals to help you stay on top things. I would hate for you to get left behind.

Something I struggled with when I was your age going through crap at home, was talking to someone and asking for help. I didn't know who to speak to, because all I had was school and my sport (just one), plus I felt I was being disloyal to my family or coming across like I was spoilt, wanting attention. I eventually found someone who could help. I remember talking to a counselor and finally telling her everything with tears in my eyes, scared in case she told me I was being selfish. She didn't. She helped me "unpack" everything, she helped me stay on top of my studies, she supported me when my family didn't. It is worth talking to someone who can help, YOU are worth helping.

We are here for you.

M

[Zeal]

Hi Liv,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry to hear that you feel neglected by your parents on an emotional level. Being compared to your siblings is rough and unfair, and no one deserves to be put down for not being like someone else. I am glad that your siblings do stick up for you - this is great! It sounds as though your Dad is the most critical. As you said, he loves you, but is being unfair when he puts you down and compares you to your siblings. The fact that you had a healthy relationship with your parents until about 2 years ago is encouraging, as this is a good foundation, and the relationship can and hopefully will improve again. I agree with MickeyM about seeing the school counsellor. These sessions are confidential, and often school counsellors and pastoral workers can be seen on short notice.

When you and your Dad are both in a neutral and calm mood, tell your Dad one-on-one that being compared to your brother and sister makes you feel upset. It's hard not to, but try to avoid using language that blames your Dad, as this is likely to make him get defensive and could lead to an argument. Focusing on how you feel is crucial. If you feel as though talking to both your parents at the same time would be more helpful, then take that option.

It's rough that you don't have close friends at school now, and that your best friend moved away. Do you keep in contact regularly, by calling, emailing or messaging?

If you'd like to talk to someone supportive and non-judgemental at any time, the Kids Helpline (for under 25 year olds) is available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800. The website (kidshelpline.com.au) has online chat options as well.

It would be great to hear back from you Liv 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Liv_]

Hi Zeal,

Thank you so much for your response. Means a lot! This morning, I made an appointment with the school counsellor. I have decided that at some point I'm going to talk with my parents but I'm going to write down what I say before I say it and get angry. I do keep in contact with my best friend a lot and I spend all of the school holidays with her, which is really nice.

Thank you so much,

- Liv

[Liv_]

Hi Mickey M,

I have just made an appointment with my school counsellor. I think that's a good start! Your message was super hopeful and I really appreciate it. I have also decided to talk to my parents, but I'm going to be very careful about what I say!

Your message was really nice and I really appreciate it. Thanks again,

- Liv

[MickeyM]

Good girl, that's great news! I think it's smart for you to discuss with the counselor first what to say to you parents. Great to see that you still keep in touch with your best friend, too.

When is your appointment? Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

thinking of you

Mickey

[startingnew]

HI Liv

well done on seeking extra support as well. very well done

im hoping that goes well for you and please feel free to keep us updated on how your going as well

i wanted to let you know your most certainly not alone in feeling the way you are. im constantly arguing with my mum who doesnt support me at all and im constantly arguing with my 2 younger siblings as well and according to them i never do anything right so i know exactly where your coming from

hugs to you

[Zeal]

Hey Liv,

Thanks for your reply 🙂

I'm glad you spend school holidays with your best friend!
How did your appointment with the school counsellor go? Hopefully the counsellor is supportive and friendly.

Best wishes,

Zeal

[MickeyM]

Hi Liv

Just wanted to check on you, see how you're doing.

Mickey