I feel nothing

[Leanie]

Hey!

I guess I’m just writing this because I needed to let someone know. I have nothing inside of me. I won’t deny that I’ve been like this for quite a while, months maybe, and it’s not the first time I’ve endured this experience, but recently it seems odd that I feel nothing.

I would like to say I have a good bunch of friends and am in a good relationship, but I feel nothing towards any of it. A lot of the time, I sit in silence and let my mind wonder, literally anywhere just so it can spark any emotion, but it doesn’t.

I find it so easy to whack on a smile for my friends, family and partner, but inside I’m so numb and so lonely. I’m in tears sometimes too, and still in the middle of it all, there’s nothing inside of me.

I want to be happy or sad or scared or anything, and I’m not. I don’t want people to know I feel this way, especially not my partner, I just want to be alone. I don’t know what to do. I’m a mess!

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums Leanie,

We're so sorry to hear how empty and sad you've been feeling as of late. Do you think there's anything in particular making you feel this way? We acknowledge how difficult it can be to open up to our partner and friends. It's really brave of you to reach out here, and we're so glad that you have done so. We're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully, some of them will be able to offer you words of advice.

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

[SarahZ]

Hey Leanie,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out. I’m really saddened to read that you are feeling empty and void of any emotions recently. It must also feel really painful and potentially even burdensome holding these thoughts without telling your family and friends in fear of worrying them. You are really brave and courageous for sharing these thoughts to this community.

If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been feeling this way for? I know a lot of people have been experiencing periods of emptiness this year as a result of the pandemic and quarantine. But do you think something in particular has triggered this?

Please feel free to reply whenever you feel up to it.

Wishing you the very best ~

[therising]

Hi Leanie

Wish I was able to give you a massive hug 🙂

Being a mind/body/spirit gal, I always like to look at myself and others from the angles of thought/perception, biology/chemistry and from the angle of 'the nature of life'. In other words, mental, physical and natural energy.

• Wondering if you're either mentally exhausted or seriously lacking mental stimulation. With the mental stimulation aspect, does the same mental stimulation not excite you anymore? Do people and interests offer sameness when what you need is difference - greater stimulation or challenge?
• There's nothing quite like physical exhaustion to leave us feeling numb. There's no fuel/energy left in the tank. It's like you can't even feel your own nervous system at times. Also, if there isn't enough chemistry happening to feel the effects of certain chemical reactions (dopamine = payoff, serotonin = happiness and so on), we can be left feeling nothing. We have no 'feelings'. Certain levels of physical or chemical energy are necessary for us to feel a connection to life. Energy restoration is incredibly important. Restorative sleep, natural high energy foods, solar power (vitamin D), hydropower (plenty of healthy water) and a bit of kinetic energy thrown into the mix (aka exercise) can help tweak energy levels. Finding the right doses of each, when it comes to what works and what doesn't can be a trial and error thing. Also, when it comes to chemistry, it pays to get some blood work done at times, sussing out where our iron levels are at and our b12 levels etc
• When it comes to feeling a natural connection to life, I've discovered for myself a simple rule 'What doesn't excite me will not excite me'. We feel excitement, on both a natural and a celullar level (our cells vibrate or 'vibe'). If someone was to tell you that you have a 'natural excitement' gauge in you through which you ranked your level of excitement (your vibe) when it comes to everything you do, how would you rank things? How would you rank going out with friends compared to ranking leaping out of a plane and free falling meters through the sky before gently sailing/parachuting to the ground? The 2nd might induce feelings of fear, courage, exhilaration, freedom, awe etc. As far as rankings go, the 1st experience might feel like a zero (no feeling), whereas with the 2nd you're vibing at a 10. You've never felt anything like it before

Do you think you might be highly sensitive to a lack of excitement? If so, I can relate

🙂

[Leanie]

Hey Everyone!

Reading these replies has already bought me so much comfort, I’m so grateful! I think maybe a few things might be making me feeling this way. It may be that I haven’t got many goals at the current moment, or that I don’t feel emotionally connected to my partner, or it could just be the stress and pressure of school work. Which ever reason though, I just feel so lost and so empty. Almost as if I’m so broken that no one can hurt me, but at the same time, I can’t be put back together.

I feel as though I’ve felt this for an ongoing period of time, months I would say. I’m not too sure if the pandemic let this on, if anything I feel I have grown from it. It’s also not to say that I haven’t felt glimpses of emotion here and there, but nothing that lasts. Often, I just try to keep busy to distract myself from this gross empty feeling. The last few days have been really quiet however, and I’ve had so much time to think, and I have nothing inside me.

I do feel like I’m lacking mental stimulation yes, the people I know and things I do just feel the same, despite how new somethings and some people are. With regards to physical / chemical stimulation, I’d say I look after and know my body pretty well. Of course at times, I get lazy etc, but I think at these times I’ve lost motivation. Exercise and the outdoors helps me clear things off, though. I think my ranking system definitely depends on who I’m around and what I’m doing, usually it isn’t too low, but this nothingness has lowered it more than I’d like. I think I am highly sensitive to a lack of excitement.

Thank you all so much for your support!

- Leanie 🙂

[SarahZ]

Hey Leanie,

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I'm really glad to read that you have found some comfort in people's responses. This is what the forums are all about 🙂 How have you been feeling more recently? More or less the same?

I'm saddened to hear that even sitting with your emotions the past few days still lead to feelings of nothingness. It must feel so exhausting and terrible feeling this constant void inside of you. I guess something that is somewhat good to read is that you do experience these bursts of emotions here and there despite them being just glimpses. Hopefully these glimpses can turn into longer spurts of emotions. Have you considered reaching out for some professional support? I see that Sophie_M has linked you some helpful resources that you might want to check out.

Looking forward to any updates whenever you feel up to it!

All the best ~