I feel like I am the third wheel

GloomyGirl · ‎12-04-2015

I have 2 friends that I am really close to but they have become even more closer. I just feel like I am their third wheel. I hate the feeling of not being apart of something that's happening. Like I don't understand their 'inside jokes' because I wasn't apart of it. I get clingy very easily so maybe that is why. I think I clinged on them because they help me a lot as I have depression.

I think that I should just not talk to them because they have each other anyway and at least they will be closer. I don't know what would hurt more; feeling like I'm the third wheel or not being their friends at all.

I had a sleepover with them and they were video chatting this person I don't know and I felt so left out. The person even called me a 'loner' which made me feel worse. I think I should just not be their friends because I don't like this feeling. I think maybe I have FOMO (fear of missing out) cause I hate it when I miss out on things especially socially. Any ideas on what to do?

white knight · ‎12-04-2015

Hi Gloomygirl

Drift. Drift away a little. Dont break the friendships. Yes, you are the "third wheel" and it isnt a good feeling but it isnt a reason to break a friendship and use what ever friendship you have with them as a lever to get more out of them.

Drift away but be friendly. This is so important because it is what adults usually do and this will prime you for adulthood.

At the same time persue other friends. There is also a good chance these two friends will split over time. It often hppens and you might feel second best /second choice but it isnt like that really. They have the right to make mistakes to.

A good attitude is to love everyone if you can, even friends that ignore you. Loving everyone will make you more popular. Instead of being a person that clashes with everyone. Lessen revenge tendencies. A life of love is so much a happier way to live.

Take care. Tony WK

lozz82 · ‎12-04-2015

Hi GloomyGirl,

I understand what you are going through I was in the same situation. I never did anything about it and it only made my depression worse and it has changed me for the worse. I would drift away but you don't have to break it off completely. I would try and find new friends but ones that you click with. Do you have sisters your age? Hope this helps.

Doolhof · ‎12-04-2015

Hi Gloomy girl,

It is never easy when you feel like you are the third wheel or like you are being left out.

You were invited to the sleep over, so your friends must like you! We don't always have to be the best of buddies all of the time. Three can be an awkward number at times, if you find yourself in this situation again, just try to accept what is happening and then join in with the bits you can relate to.

Is it possible for you to be with your friends one at a time occasionally?

I agree with other comments people have made, try and make new friends as well.

Just a question from an "old lady", what is "video chatting" and was there no way you could join in even though you didn't know the person? By the way, that person had to right to call you a loner, that was so poor on their behalf!

Don't dwell on the times that stuff doesn't work out so well when you are with your friends, remember the good times and look forward to plenty of opportunities to meet new people and start up new friendships.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

GloomyGirl · ‎13-04-2015

Dear Doolhof,

I can talk to them one at a time but then I just feel awkward. And I know they're probably talking to each other while I'm talking to them. It's school holidays so we text and things like that. Video chatting is when you call someone but they can see you. It's hard to explain. The person they were video calling was a boy so that made it even harder. I go to an all girls school so I don't actually know any boys at all. I don't even know his name so thats why I felt left out. Thanks for your help

Dear lozz82 & White Knight,

Thanks for your advice. I will try to drift away a bit but it's hard because I want to talk to them. But I know that giving myself some space is good too. And to answer your question lozz82, I do have a sister but we have a big age gap. I will try and drift a bit and see how it goes. Thanks again for your advice : )

Doolhof · ‎15-04-2015

Hi Gloomygirl,

I went to a co-ed school as it was the only school in the small town where I came from. One year we had 60 students in the whole school which was from year one to year 10!

When I was in year 7 we had three girls and two boys, the same kids I had started school with. I have no idea what it is like to attend an all girl's school and not have any contact with boys at all.

It must be really weird when you leave the school and go out trying to find a boyfriend! It would be like they are a whole different species almost!

I hope you are finding different things to do during your holidays.

Take care, from Mrs. Dools