Struggling with everything!

Miaaa333 · ‎12-04-2015

I just don't even know where to start.

I've never been depressed or unhappy - I've had a pretty great life until the past couple of years. Things started to go bad when my first serious relationship ended and I found it hard to pick myself up. Eventually after 18 months I finally stopped hurting and I found myself being able to live without the sadness erupting every time I thought of him.

I recently moved out of home and changed job roles. The new job has been great and I love where I live - its fantastic and everything I ever wanted. But I'm so unhappy. 6 months ago I started to date, I'm 24 and decided that it was time get back in the game. I knew it wasn't going to be easy…but I didn't expect to find myself sobbing on my bathroom floor all the time. In the past 6 months I've been let down by 4 different guys which can only lead me to one conclusion - its obviously me.

I don't know what I'm doing, I don't text or call them constantly - I'm always nice and never rude and I'm always willing to accommodate him. My mum tells me its because I intimidate men because of my career - I don't believe that. I'm just so angry, hurt and confused. I feel like a doormat who gets stomped all over and used constantly.

What makes it worse is my family and their constant interference. As soon as they are aware there is someone in my life, its 20 questions and I'm constantly questioned about it - when did he last speak to you, what did he say? whats this…whats that? I just can't handle it anymore but I feel guilty for not sharing it with my mum. I just don't know what to do - I feel like I'm constantly not living up to their expectations and its really hard when I hear mums friends ask her why a girl like me doesn't have a boyfriend. I feel so completely inadequate and like a failure.

I just need to know how I can learn to love myself for who I am and what I'm not. I hate feeling like this. I just want to be happy. It really doesn't help when I've lost my best friend to her boyfriend. I used to spend time with my best friend every weekend and text her all the time. Now I'm lucky if i see her once every 6 weeks or so. I miss her so much and I feel like I have no one I can turn to. I'm so alone.

I just want someone who can hold me whilst I cry my eyes out. I'm so god damn sad. Please tell me theres a way to feel better?

Daisy121 · ‎13-04-2015

Hi Miaaa333, if it is comforting i am going through a similar experience except with high school. but I can relate to family. I think your post is going to help lots of people with their own problems. "People cry, not because they're weak. It's because they've been strong for to long." Remember it's ok to cry.

Help4Daisy

cnlclaypool · ‎13-04-2015

HiMiaaa333,

I can't say I've been through a similar situation, but I know what it's like to feel like you can't love yourself for who you are. So if it is of any comfort you're not alone.

What I can say is that don't blame yourself for the relationships that did not work out. Sometimes relationships are not meant to be and it could be for plenty of reasons. I think you need to understand that because the relationships did not work out, that does not mean there is something wrong with you.

Not everyone is meant for each other and unfortunately in your situation, you're going through a few people to actually find that special someone. But don't hold it against yourself or blame yourself for things that don't work out - everything happens for a reason.

Regarding your best friend I understand what that is like and unfortunately, you can't change how people are. It might be worth mentioning to her how you feel and that you miss hanging out with her, but ultimately it will be up to her. If she is your best friend she should understand.

I can't provide all the answers and I can't making everything perfect (in fact this is my first response, so I have no idea if I'm actually helping or just blabbering on). But always remember that there are people there for you (even if it's on the internet). There is always someone who has been through a similar situation and everything always works out in the end.

Could I also ask what your career is? As you mentioned that your mum said people might be intimidated by it.

Miaaa333 · ‎14-04-2015

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the encouragement and the time you've taken to respond.

I know you're meant to go through the motions of r/ships until you find the right one, it just seems that I can't get a guy to stay around longer than 5 minutes yet all my friends are with their partners for months to years. I feel like the biggest failure.

I worry constantly about every little thing and ridicule myself for not being perfect. I just want an out from this painful way of living. There has to be a way I can fix it.

I'm a Lawyer - I dont understand how that can be intimidating to others. I don't talk shop outside of work and I love to talk to everyone about anything and everything. What am I doing wrong?